How to accept that friends change with life

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Our relationships change, and they don’t always go where we would like. In this article we will reflect on this and give you some strategies to manage the frustration and fears that you may feel.

Accepting that friends change as we get older may not be an easy task. Although it is natural that it happens, we do not always live it from acceptance, but sometimes a feeling of sadness and nostalgia may appear. And it’s normal. It’s like that, friends come and go. Of course, true friends last over the years, but sometimes, those friends that we have always considered “for life” also leave, or that friendship takes on a new form – one that does not give us as much, that we like. less-.

Among the causes of this are the vital dynamics themselves.; the change of city, job, new obligations and responsibilities, loss of contact with time, distance, time, other important changes in life, changes in ourselves (growing up differently from our friends…), mature, but, then, how can we approach this situation?

“Sweet thing is a true friend; He dives into the depths of our hearts, inquiring about our needs. No saves having to discover them for ourselves”.

-Jean de La Fontaine-

The change in friendship relationships is usually progressive over time.

Friendship and change

Relationships and people do not always evolve where we would like. On more than one occasion we will have to face the challenge of accepting that friends change with life. However, this can be painful and frustrating. Accepting these changes as part of life also opens the doors to new friendships, new opportunities and new experiences. How to start accepting this situation?

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Think about it: is this really new to you?

If you try to look at it with hindsight, and with a somewhat cool mind, you will realize that the loss of that friendship has surely occurred over the years. It hasn’t been from yesterday to today. It has been something progressive; Maybe you didn’t see each other as much anymore, you talked less, each of you had gone to live in a different place…

These little things that cool the relationship. Maybe today you realize that everything has changed, but surely it is something that has been developing over time. Understand the causes of all this and that it was probably a natural process like life.

There are no culprits here: let go of anger and guilt

Remember that in this situation there are no culprits and neither good nor bad.. It’s just life, with its circumstances, that happens. Try to understand the feeling of guilt you have if you feel it; where does it come from? Can you do something to change the situation? Change blame (something passive) for responsibility (something active).

And, on the other hand, if you feel anger, do the same; Try to find out where it comes from. Is it really guilt, or sadness? How can you channel it in a healthy way?

Be grateful for what you have experienced

When experiencing a loss, in this case, the loss of a friendship, we sometimes feel as if this change in our life also changes what this friendship has been like.

Nothing is further from reality. Thereto It can help us to try to remember the past with joy and gratitude, rescuing the things that served us, what we learned. Of course, always without forcing anything that we do not feel; when we are ready. To work on acceptance, gratitude for what you have experienced is key.

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Park pride and resume contact

On the other hand, remember that friendships must be taken care of. And sometimes “all is not lost”; By this we mean that, if you feel like it and feel that way, you can also reconnect with those friends with whom you have distanced yourself.

Make that call, send that WhatsApp. Be honest. Certain situations or this distancing may have hurt you. You may be disappointed in your friend. Open your heart and move away from pride: what do you feel? Can pride or love for that friendship be stronger?

“Two people can’t be friends for long if they can’t forgive each other for their little mistakes.”

-Jean de la Bruyère-

Do the grieving process

When friendships change, or are “lost”, and when we cannot (or want to) change it, We are actually facing a grieving process. It is a loss, a radical (or not so radical) change in our reality. Therefore, let us be aware that we are in a grieving process and do not resist it.

Learning to live new realities and saying goodbye to friends who have been very important to us is not easy. But it is necessary to heal and reconnect with our present life, the only one that exists now.

The end of a friendship relationship involves a grieving process.

Accept that friends change with life

Accepting this situation is a real challenge. But remember that sometimes it’s not about giving up, but about seeing what you can do to change the situation. There will be friendships that have really changed or that have been lost. And it is part of life.

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But others that you can recover, if you give yourself the opportunity to open your heart to that person and contact them again. It is important that you be honest with yourself and that you differentiate one situation from another. Let go of what already was to learn to receive, accept what is and continue taking care of the friendships that, although they suffer over the years and life, you want to continue keeping in your life.