How does sexual rejection affect us?

Have you ever experienced sexual rejection? Sometimes, we imagine what that encounter is going to be like, we fantasize about it and we assume that the experience will be sublime, magical and satisfying. Now, the fact that our partner looks at us with apathy and reluctance, commenting that “better not now” It is undoubtedly a hard blow, a disappointment and even a scratch to self-esteem.

It hurts, it’s true. Because Every form of rejection generates pain as well as a wake-up call to the brain. that warns that something is happening. When this refusal comes from the emotional and sexual level, the concern is deeper and awakens a large number of conflicting sensations and sharp emotions. “Does he not want me anymore?”, “Have I done something?”, “Does he not love me anymore?”

For many, having a partner means assuming that receptivity is always present and that desire is almost like a source of combustion that never goes out. And yet it happens.

Sometimes there is no desire. Sometimes life worries, routine, or other factors reduce desire. However, Just because this does not happen does not mean in all cases that love has fled out the window forever…

sexual rejection

If we ask ourselves how sexual rejection affects us, it should be noted that stereotypes still exist. and false beliefs deeply rooted in the popular mentality. There are many who think that “Men are always eager, therefore, they will never reject a proposal”. However, it happens and there are many women who receive a refusal at some point from their partners.

It is also said that when they are the ones who avoid sex, they do not feel very hurt. It is assumed in this general inventory that sex for men is only a way to obtain physical pleasure.. This reasoning is part of the call theory of masculinityaccording to which, their need for sex responds only to mere pleasurable reasons and rarely due to an emotional connection with the partner.

Obviously, assuming this is little more than nonsense. For men it is not just a small disappointment. Just as for women it is not a simple disappointment, something that one forgets after a while with a chocolate ice cream and the next episode of her favorite series.

It’s not that my partner doesn’t “want sex,” it’s that my partner “doesn’t want me.”

If we ask ourselves how sexual rejection affects us, we must first distinguish two aspects. It is not the same to suffer rejection from that partner with whom we have been with for 1, 6 or 20 years as from someone who is only looking for occasional sex.. To understand it better, we can make an appointment through an application with someone whose profile attracts us. However, when we meet that person the date does not go particularly well and we are rejected.

We will feel disappointed and upset. We may experience a certain condition. However, it is most likely that after a few days, we will try again by looking for another possible partner on these applications. On the other hand, If we have a stable partner, sexual rejection is experienced with a different magnitude, with another significance.

In both men and women, this rejection is not only interpreted as a “Well, he doesn’t feel like sex today, nothing happens.». The first thing that pops into our minds is “my partner doesn’t want me». This thought arises in both the male and female brains, because in both genders, the fact that the loved one does not want to enjoy that moment of intimacy is experienced with disappointment and surprise.

The fear of no longer being an object of desire is the most recurring idea.

Affects self-esteem

It is not the same as being rejected once or several times. The fact that our partner does not feel like sex at some point is understandable. We let it go because we can understand it. Fear comes when this rejection is repeated on more occasions, when the frequency with which we have sexual relations decreases.

In these latter cases, both men and women experience a blow to their self-esteem. Few acts are the pure expression of physical desire towards another and the validation of love and deep affection like sex. If this fails and the other person does not want it, everything is called into question, everything teeters on an emotional tightrope. We feel rejected and every rejection is a blow to our self-esteem.

Mood swings, emotional ups and downs

The way sexual rejection affects us almost always translates into an emotional alteration. What we lack in bed impacts daily life. Rejection creates a persistent void through which our motivation, security and well-being escape.

It is common to experience mood swings, emotional ups and downsfeeling that we have less and less patience with things… And all of this affects the relationship, especially if the rejection is continuous.

Studies such as the one carried out at the University of Toronto by Dr. James King, for example, show us in a study that the lack of sex in a relationship is one of the main triggers for breakups.

After all, with this act we are not just looking for a moment of pleasure. It is a language with which to express feelings, it is a pillar with which we feel validated and it is, at the same time, a refuge of intimacy between two people. If this is missing without us knowing very well why, almost everything falls apart.

How does sexual rejection affect us? With physical and emotional pain

Rejection hurts almost as much as physical pain. We are not saying it, it is supported by a study carried out at the University of Michigan by Dr. Ethan Kross. The brain interprets this type of situation in the same way as a blow or burn.

That is, the experience of receiving a refusal from the loved one, Feeling how we are rejected or left aside activates the same brain regions as when we receive a physical impact. This explains why after these situations we feel more tired, dull and even with discomfort in various parts of the body. Other consequences that we can find are:

Resentment towards your partner. Another frequent consequence that some assume after a sexual rejection is an attitude of resentment towards the partner. An attempt will be made to pay with the same currency in a subsequent action.Doubts about your partner’s love. Although some relate rejection only from a sexual point of view (that is, with dissatisfaction in bed), others transfer their reasons to the relationship in general. You may come to think that your partner no longer loves you, that he or she is having doubts about it, or that he or she is even being unfaithful to you.Hostile behaviors. Hostile reactions are also relatively common in response to sexual rejection. Researchers have found that men more frequently assume this attitude, one that can even lead to physical aggression. On the contrary, women tend to express feelings of guilt (they have been rejected for something they have done or do wrong).Ideas about ending the relationship. The researchers point out that changes in sexual satisfaction lead to general couple dissatisfaction, so you may also be thinking about ending the relationship. According to some experts, people tend to overestimate the impact of sexual rejection when intimate encounters are infrequent.

The way sexual rejection affects us is orchestrated by intense emotions. Therefore, if we are experiencing this situation right now, there is something essential: knowing what is happening. The lack of sex in a couple is explained by multiple reasons, issues that we can always resolve with confidence and together. Communication in these cases is essential. Let’s keep it in mind.

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