How to recognize and treat a manipulator

It is difficult to recognize a manipulator, as they tend to appear captivating and trustworthy. However, their attitude usually generates guilt and discomfort in their victims. Below, we teach you how to recognize them and how to deal with them.

The manipulator has amazing skill, a sophisticated almost infallible mechanism of action.. He knows how to influence us, he knows what pieces to play, what to say and what to keep quiet to achieve full control over our emotions. Recognizing their techniques and tricks in time can save us from situations of great personal exhaustion and suffering.

There are those who say that there is a fine line between a person who asks for help versus someone who manipulates others to obtain credits.. In the latter case, he sees his neighbor as an object, a commodity, a thing, a resource to take advantage of. They are selfish and use various methods to appeal to others through various strategies: illusion, blackmail, victimhood…

“The manipulator criticizes, but does not dare. He judges, but he is not able. He points, but he is a coward.”

-Anonymous-

There are different reasons why a man or woman resorts to manipulation. For example, simple comfort, fear or even self-affirmation are often hidden. They prefer the shortest path, lies and broken promises to reach the social summit and obtain power over us. Knowing how to identify their methods will allow us to take advantage of them and thus guarantee our personal balance.

How to recognize a manipulator?: 9 signs

We all want to satisfy our needs, because in a certain way, each of us has aspirations, goals and shortcomings. Now, we can largely be self-sufficient. That is, we achieve those purposes without overriding anyone, without violating and without doing harm.

However, the manual manipulator prefers the shortest path. To do this, it uses indirect, deceptive and highly abusive tactics, which usually go unnoticed by its victims. Well, manipulation is camouflaged as well-intentioned actions; It covers itself with deep concerns and emotions to gain our trust and then unfold its intentions.

It’s more, It is likely that at this moment we have a manipulator at our side; someone who politely intimidates us, who seeks to get something out of us disguised as a best friend, an excellent coworker, or even an admirable partner… Let us therefore see what tricks he uses.

1. The foot in the door technique

The foot in the door technique is undoubtedly the most common resource. It is that which we must learn to identify as soon as possible.. It is the following: the manipulator asks us for a favor, a simple one, almost insignificant and that costs us nothing to satisfy.. However, soon the real demand appears, the XXL size request that arrives without us expecting it.

Read Also: How to deal with a complaining person?

Now, if we refuse or protest, the manipulator will become defensive and will begin to throw the most varied complaints and reproaches in our faces to bring us down emotionally.

2. Expert in the art of lying

He has a great ability to lie, in fact he is an expert at it. The most striking thing is that this ability to deceive comes from his inability to empathize with the person in front of you.

He does not connect with other people’s realities, he is not able to put himself in other shoes. And if he does, it is only to know our weak points and use them to his advantage. He is a great professional in the art of twist reality to your whim to take it to the ideal place where your person can be “better off.”

3. False worry

Among the most classic strategies of emotional manipulation is false concern. The manipulator will not hesitate to be attentive, courteous and delicately kind. In addition to those entertainments, It is common to apply that constant concern for ourselves, to know how we are, what worries ushow we got up or what you can do to help us.

We must be very cautious with these dynamics because this achieves several things. The first, that we connect emotionally with them. The second, have points in your favor and then reproach ourselves for how little we do for them, when they have done so much for us…

4. Flattery, the positive reinforcement of the manipulator

This is one of the most interesting manipulator skills. He knows how to do it very well. He will always know what word to drop, what phrase to use or what comment to make about you in public to make you feel special and gain your trust. Don’t get carried away by those who flatter you so easily or constantly. Hidden intentions are camouflaged behind these positive reinforcements.

5. The use of blame as the most harmful strategy

With everything I’ve done for you, now you’re telling me this? This is undoubtedly one of the phrases most used by the textbook manipulator, the one who does not hesitate to project onto us all the weight of the world, all the responsibility and bad faith. It will make us believe that we have no heart, that we neglect the people we love most and that we act with high selfishness.

We have to put filters and not let ourselves be overwhelmed. It’s more, Another common trick is to get imaginary allies to create a greater emotional impact on us: “Well, you should know that my coworkers also think that you are a bad friend, that you always go your own way and don’t take anyone into account.”

6. Promises that are not kept

This is also one of the manipulator’s favorite weapons. They will feed us with dreams, with promises, with eternal friendships, with an everlasting love, with exceptional projects… They will raise in front of us a veritable house of cards that will vanish when we least expect it, just when the manipulator reveals his true intentions.

7. Victimization

Sudden and tragic personal problems, financial difficulties, deep worries that cannot be compared to ours… The manipulator uses the resource of victimization with great effectiveness to keep us under his control. However, Not only does it appeal to our emotions, but it uses immediacy and urgency: I need this and I need it now.

Read Also: When Famous People Die: The Loss of Chadwick Boseman

8. Emotions always at your service

This is another resource that an experienced manipulator uses, it is where we put all our emotional fabric in their favor. Life with a manipulator is like living on a roller coaster: everything is ups and downs., days of intense affection and moments where the most threatening coldness sharpens, the one where the demand appears, the need to satisfy and the objective to fulfill. If we refuse, they will turn reproaches, blame, contempt on us…

“Look what you have done”, “I never treat you that badly”, “why haven’t you called me?” They are phrases that a manipulator uses to frighten his victim.

9. The shadow where the manipulator hides

The true manipulator not only hides information about his privacy, but he himself disappears and hides where there is no light to be able to better analyze the victim. It is even possible that he uses other people to find information about his next prey (manipulated other). We cannot forget that many of these profiles have been exercising these dynamics for years. They have improved them, they are sophisticated and they have learned from their experience.

Let us remember that they are not honest, transparent, or responsible people. They do not hesitate to escape gossip or slander someone to get what they want. They entangle people in assumptions, exaggerate facts and add some of their own “ingredients” to create fictitious stories from which they obtain something in return.

How to treat a manipulator?

We must pay attention to these signs described here. When more than one appears and is repeated frequently We must begin to set limits, distances and adequate shields to protect ourselves from these actions.. To do this, we advise you:

Prevent blackmail from generating guilt or discomfort

Remember that the manipulator seeks to make us feel guilt, fear or discomfort in order to have control over us; Well, our submission strengthens it. Therefore, We must prevent their words and actions from making us feel that way. Otherwise, we will end up acting under fear, obligation or pressure.

Read Also: Korean philosopher says: "now one exploits oneself and believes that one is achieving fulfillment"

Strengthen your assertiveness and self-esteem

It is important that We acquire strategies and personal resources that allow us to change and manage the situation proactively.. To do this, it is important to work on self-esteem, as it will allow us to feel strong, reducing our insecurities and guilt.

For its part, training our assertiveness is vital so that we can express our desires and opinions in a clear, direct way and without resorting to disrespect.

In other words, Assertiveness will facilitate communication with the manipulator; turning it into a kind, natural and respectful exchange, where the emotions and feelings of both the manipulator and ourselves are validated, and they are made to understand that it will not be possible to fulfill their requests despite their insistence.

Go one step ahead

Before interacting with the manipulator, Prepare what you will say taking into account past situations and focusing on the objective of the conversation. This way you will be more prepared and avoid falling into their blackmail.

Likewise, in the face of aggressiveness and disrespect, the ideal is withdraw attention, set limits and be respected. In this case, we must execute an assertive defense: without aggression, but also without giving in or apologizing.

Keep your rights in mind at all times

Always remember that You have the right to: be treated with respect; to reject requests without feeling guilty; to express your feelings; to change your mind; to decide what to do with your body, time and property; to make mistakes and take responsibility for them; that your needs are as important as others; and do what you want as long as you don’t violate the rights of others.

When the manipulator is a loved one

On the other hand, If you have discovered a manipulator in your inner circle (family, friends, work, study, neighborhood), protects others discreetly but accurately.

Likewise, with regard to the manipulator himself, always It is advisable to make him see that his actions have consequences. It is advisable to give him alternatives, invite him to make changes and even seek professional help.

Behind these behaviors there are disorders that require special attention. However, it is not always easy to generate positive change in this type of personality. Hence The essential thing is to safeguard our emotional and psychological integrity.