How to deal with a complaining person?

Dealing with a complaining person is not an easy task. You are facing someone whose attitude dampens your spirits and who is difficult to live with. They are characters who see a thousand problems in every solution, who only anticipate fatalities and for whom the glass is always half empty. It is difficult to find motivation when you have presences at your side that cast a shadow on every attempt to seek the light.

The most important thing in these situations is to understand that many unresolved frustrations hide behind such behaviors. Sometimes the complaint is an indication of a psychological disorder. Being empathetic as well as assertive when setting limits is the best strategy that will help you in these cases. Below we describe how to act.

The best recommendations for treating a complaining person

Complaint is also a form of communication that serves the purpose of expressing a regret so that someone can validate it. The problem comes when this behavior becomes a habit. Chronic complainers are people who all they do is reinforce their negativity and impregnate it in others. Such an attitude has a high mental cost for those close to it.

In fact, as stated in an article by Frontiers in Psychology, Emotional contagions are frequent during any social interaction. In this way, if you do not adequately handle someone who saturates you with their sadness and frustration, you will end up carried away by the radiation of that same emotional state. To avoid this, what we now detail will be useful.

1. Listen actively and empathize

We are aware that living with someone who complains about everything eats away and consumes your energy. Is not easy. However, Many people accustomed to lament do so because they are rarely heard. They need to be validated and taken into account. If this does not happen, they go into a loop and automate said behavior. What is recommended in these cases is the following:

Find out what is happening to them and the reason why they feel this way. Listen carefully and ask questions to show your interest. Maintain a positive and empathetic attitude during the dialogue with them. Be close at all times and avoid doing judgments or issue criticism in this regard. The objective is for these people to feel understood and not repeat the complaint.

2. Encourage problem solving

When treating a complaining person, it is advisable to guide them to adopt a more proactive attitude. Generally, what these figures need is an adjustment of perspective and to stop reacting passively to what distresses them. In this way, a work published in The Journal of Social Psychology points out an interesting point.

This research revealed that those who complain in order to achieve something concrete are happier than those who do it out of habit and without any purpose. Furthermore, if resources such as mindfulness are applied, there is a mediating instrument to reduce negativity. The objective, therefore, is for these individuals to stop adopting an evasive role and act.

This way, You can recommend that they apply problem-solving skills. These phrases will help you: “What could you do to make this situation better?” “If this bothers you, what actions should you take to reduce your discomfort?”

3. Apply assertiveness

Sometimes, no matter how much you urge that person who lives in the complaining state to apply coping techniques, they do not do so. Instead, she is left coiled in persistent negativity. This is because you are helpless and assume that, no matter how much you act, nothing will change. Without realizing it, she turns communication dominated by regret into a habit and she doesn’t know how to get out of it.

When dealing with a complaining person, The best thing to do is to use assertiveness and make him see the cost of his behavior. Making the harmful attitude visible is a way to make them think about it and become aware of it. We show you how to apply this communicative competence appropriately:

Combine assertiveness with closeness and understanding.Offer your help in this process of improving their attitude.Explain that you feel uncomfortable with their persistent complaints.Encourage them to make changes in their way of relating.Communicate that you understand their discomfort and respect their feelings. Argue in detail why that behavior makes you uncomfortable.

Complaint is part of the human communicative and attitudinal repertoire. With it you express what you don’t like or frustrate you so that others know or even support you. However, if this dynamic becomes a persistent habit, it can hide behind a mood disorder such as depression.

4. Tactics to converse constructively

A constructive conversation is one in which the two interlocutors manage to clarify their differences to reach agreements. In this sense, you will be interested to know that, With the right tools, you would have effective and satisfying verbal exchanges with a complaining person. We share with you what tools to use:

When someone presents their complaints, listen carefully. Reinforce this person’s strong and enriching points. Use a sense of humor to reduce their burden of anguish. Try to reach agreements that involve changes in their behavior. Without criticism, offer them a perspective. more useful to their assertions. When they say something positive, reaffirm and validate. Celebrate that approach!Try at all times to lead the dialogue to more sensible approaches.If you see that it falls into the loop of negativity, redirect the conversation.

5. Raise limits to safeguard well-being

Chronic complainers tend to have a detrimental effect on you. When someone thinks and reacts pessimistically, it dampens your hopes and makes it difficult for you to function socially. What’s more, sometimes, complaining goes hand in hand with victimhood, a psychological construct that is well defined in the journal Personality and Individual Differences.

These are people who have the persistent feeling that they are the victims in any relationship and circumstance. This is also exhausting and can lead to great psychological exhaustion. To protect yourself from these dynamics, it is necessary to build walls and fences of emotional protection. See how to do it:

Focus on the positive: To avoid resentment or becoming obsessed with that complicated relationship, try to focus on those other positive figures that are enriching in your life.Recognize your own needs: Identify what you need to feel good and protect your self-esteem, well-being and emotional integrity. This will help you communicate your barriers clearly and coherently.Be assertive: Express what you cannot tolerate and give your reasons, using phrases like the following: “Your negativity affects me and although I respect your emotions, I ask you to change your attitude when you talk to me.”Be consistent: Once you’ve established an insurmountable barrier, stick to it. Don’t give in to pressure or manipulation. Consistency is key so they understand that your limits are real.Clarify the consequences: When treating a complaining and pessimistic person, it is important to detail what effects they will have that border those limits. An example of this would be reducing the time you spend with that figure or distancing yourself for a few days.Avoid arguing: Living with someone who complains about everything is not easy. But when it comes to setting limits, it is not necessary to enter into confrontations. Just inform. If the other person receives it negatively, do not enter into the dynamics of an argument. This will only increase your discomfort. Keep calm.

6. Suggest that you ask for psychological help

It is true that dealing with a complaining person is not easy and that, in many cases, you prefer to avoid them. Now, it is necessary to be sensitive to this type of behavior. Sometimes, Behind defeatist attitudes hides a psychological condition, such as depressive disorders. It is an aspect that you must consider.

BMC Psychiatry highlights in research that negative thoughts are frequent among the symptoms of depression. It is common for these patients to frequently complain about everything, to show avoidant, irritable behavior and to be dominated by unconstructive dialogue. In these cases, it is advisable to suggest professional help.

The complaint, a “cover” attitude

Those who are stuck in obsessive and persistent complaints show “cover” behavior. That is to say, inside you there are unaddressed realities, disappointments that have not been addressed, sadness and unresolved discomfort. It is true that anyone is uncomfortable sharing time and space with someone who sees everything as black. Nobody denies that such figures are very exhausting.

However, if you live with a person with this profile, treat them with closeness and empathy. This is someone who is unhappy and lacks coping resources and would benefit from psychological support. Suggest taking that step. While making this decision, safeguard your emotional well-being. Because persistent negativity is like toxic smoke that sickens your strengths.

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