Can lending money ruin a relationship?

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Borrowing money is a delicate event for a relationship, especially if the amount is significant. However, it is not the only variable that influences and that we must take into account when moving in a situation like this.

Lend money. Who has not done this at some time? Friends, co-workers and even family. Many of us have left (and have been left) some small financial amount at some specific time. What’s more, on occasions, we have even insisted that the other person not even bother returning it to us. Now, things change when the amount they request from us is high.

Mark Twain stated that money is the root of all evil. Because, beyond being that means that allows us to survive, it can also be the source of resentment, conflicts and disappointments. Experts in the field of finance are clear: to the extent possible, it is advisable not to lend money to anyone.. The risk of not recovering what has been left is high.

However, From the field of psychology, more than economically, we focus on the personal. And indeed, here too there are dangers that must be considered. One of them, the most important, is the discomfort that is created from the loan itself. Tensions, mistrust, resentment…

It is necessary to take into account some very basic aspects every time we find ourselves in these situations.

Talking about money is still a taboo topic among us. It is difficult to ask for it when we need it, and it is also difficult to ask for it when we have left it to someone and we expect them to return it to us.

If we agree to leave money to someone, we must accept that, perhaps, that amount will never be returned to us.

Lending money to someone: considerations that we must keep in mind

Money doesn’t always bring happiness, but it helps us have an easier life with fewer worries.. We don’t say it ourselves, the psychologist and Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman reminds us in a study carried out in 2010. Thus, despite not offering us real palpable emotional well-being, having financial support prevents us from having to ask others when we see each other. in difficulties.

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And this last piece of information is important. Because although nothing is as common as having the monetary support of the family when things go wrong, that support sometimes entails some friction. A survey conducted by Bankrate, a financial services company, revealed that More than 46% of people who lent money to a friend or family member had a negative experience.

37% did not recover what they borrowed and 21% saw their relationship with the borrower damaged. As the character of Laertes explained in Hamlet, Shakespeare’s play, in this life it is better to avoid being a borrower or a lender, because the results are almost never good. We analyze why.

A large part of the debts between friends and family end up being forgiven because the relationship matters more than the financial aspect.

Lending money, a recipe for resentment

It is true that a loan does not necessarily condemn the relationship between two people – in fact, more than one relationship has surely begun as a result of a loan.

Many parents, for example, “loan” money to their children without expecting them to pay them back. However, it is less frequent than a loan from another family member, a friend or a coworker go in these same terms. When this happens and we access it, a fairly common phenomenon usually appears.

One party knows it is in debt, and the other awaits repayment. The interaction from that moment on changes and often stops being so spontaneous, sincere and relaxed. If this return is delayed, resentment or mistrust may slowly begin to appear.

Talking about money is or can become taboo precisely because of a loan. In the same way, other types of conversation topics may become topics: the borrower may stop sharing his daily life with the lender due to fear of criticism.

A good part of the debts are not returned

When we have a close relationship with the person who has asked us for a loan and the amount does not represent a significant percentage for the person who made the loan, that debt can be considered paid without the need for a refund. Now, this is not usually the case, because if the amount is small, it is difficult for the loan to take place and for the person to end up getting the money from somewhere else – for example, by asking for an advance at work.

On the other hand, if the amount is large, it is also more likely that it will be significant for the person lending and, therefore, expect repayment.

Nor can we leave aside another reality. Lending money to your own partner can also cause problems. Many people have lost large financial sums due to financial abuse. It happens when one of the members exercises power over the other through blackmail, manipulation and threats, and ends up stealing large amounts of money.

When in a couple one of the members always requests money from the other, to the point of exercising financial control, we are dealing with a type of abuse.

If we are going to lend money to someone and the sum is large, we must be clear with the conditions

Considerations if we are thinking of leaving money to someone

Lending money puts us in uncomfortable positions that almost no one likes. However, it is true that when the bond is close, there is trust and we understand the situation the other is in, it is common to agree.

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Each case is unique, but it is always advisable to follow the guidelines provided by experts, both in the financial and psychological fields. These are the keys that we must take into account:

Always remember that lending money can change a relationship. If the sum is high, evaluate the possible consequences.It is important that you analyze your own financial situation. If you are not in good financial condition, it is better to avoid risks and speak honestly to those who ask us for money.If you lend a large amount, you must be clear with the conditions: when will they return it to you? What a day? Will there be a single payment or will it be made in several parts?Be prepared to see behaviors that you may not like. You may leave money to your brother or best friend to pay the rent, and later, you see them having dinner at a restaurant with friends. Be aware that they will probably not return that amount to you.

To conclude, it will always be advisable to assume that this loan will end up being a gift. It is the only way to avoid tensions and that relationship from falling apart. If you really value that bond, let it go. As long as it is something specific, it is better to prioritize affection over material things.