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How do I know if I have overcome the grieving period?

Beyond what we may think, it is not always easy to know if we have overcome the period of mourning.. This psychological reaction to loss may still be unfinished and act like an infected wound, like a camouflaged injury that fills our lives with conditions and limitations. It is necessary, therefore, to recognize the clues of these pending and unresolved duels.

We understand grief as any life event that involves parting with something or someone significant to us. It could be the loss of a loved one, an emotional breakup, losing a job or even leaving behind a certain role that identified us and made us feel fulfilled. Such an event supposes above all the abrupt disappearance of a bond and the extinction of a type of emotional reality that we are obliged to reconstruct.

“Any attempt to eliminate grief only irritates him more. You must wait until it is digested and then the fun will dissipate its remains.”

-Samuel Johnson-

Thus, and when asked what is the best way to cope with grief, it can be said that there is no universal strategy. Each person reacts differently, and that is surely the greatest difficulty that exists. We cannot therefore recommend a series of “normative” coping techniques that can be useful to all of us, because There is nothing so private, disordered and chaotic, than the pain of loss.

However, there is something that we cannot neglect: the human being’s capacity for resilience is immense. Although we can never fully heal the emptiness caused by that loss, we will manage to live with it. We can even allow ourselves to be happy again, but yes, it is necessary to have effectively faced and overcome our grief. staff.

Signs of not having overcome the grieving period

As curious as it may seem to us, there are private and almost invisible duels in our society. They are those sometimes unauthorized duels where the mourner is not always recognized. An example of this would be those mothers who lose their babies during pregnancy.a traumatic event where many women undoubtedly demand specialized support that is often lacking in hospital centers.

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In addition, Children are also part of that group that is not always understood. There are many children who live their grief in silence in the face of an environment that continues to think that they, and because of their age, still do not understand what death is. On the other hand, it should be noted that men are also often part of these unauthorized duels for a very specific reason.

In many countries The figure of man continues to have that rational and protective role where he is expected not to express his emotional pain openly.. Often, this conception makes the reconstruction process after a loss difficult, to the point of chronicizing states of helplessness that must be understood and, of course, treated.

Let us therefore see below what symptoms the fact of not having overcome the period of mourning can show.

We still cannot talk about the person we have lost

In every grieving process there must come a decisive moment. It’s that where we finally open up. It is where we need to talk to someone about the lost relationship, about that person or that complex situation that we have left behind. Talking, expressing ourselves, remembering, bringing certain memories to the present relieves and comforts, and also favors emotional relief.

If several months and years have passed and we still cannot talk about that person, the grief has not yet been overcome. If we perceive a wall, a lump in our throat, and we resist returning that fact or that significant figure to memory, we need to ask for professional help.

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Events that trigger excessive emotional reactions

The person can apparently lead a normal life. However, in your daily life, sudden excessive emotional reactions can appear that no one can understand. Sometimes, an object, a certain music, a specific situation, etc., acts as a trigger for the memory.
The unresolved pain due to the loss suddenly emerges when the door opens to that past where the emptiness due to the lossis still present like an open wound.

Constant changes in lifestyle

Another obvious fact that we have not overcome the period of mourning is the constant need to make changes. There are those who are unable to hold the same job for two months in a row. Friendships, hobbies and even interests change. Nothing satisfies or relieves and everything ends up boring. The constant search for new things that make us forget is almost constant.

Humor changes

There are patients with clear symptoms of not having overcome the grieving period that show times of euphoria and times of isolation and great apathy.. They oscillate between the need to be surrounded by people with others where they seek solitude and personal retreat. All of these are obvious clues of masked duels that completely reduce the person’s quality of life.

In addition, It should be noted that in many of these cases it is common for subclinical depression to be diagnosed. It is a disorder where the clinical criteria of major depression, minor depression or dysthymia are not met, but nevertheless, emotional exhaustion is present in a very evident way.

When will we know that we have overcome the period of mourning?

So far we have seen all those more or less camouflaged symptoms that would indicate to us that our loss is still too present. So much so as to condition our lives, limit them and leave us trapped in a state of chronic suffering. It should be said that as we have seen, Many of these symptoms end up giving rise to psychological disorders that further reduce our opportunity to advance.to allow ourselves to be happy again.

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We must understand that we must give our brain time to adapt to a reality that has changed abruptly and even unfairly.. And to do this, in this transition period that can last months and years, our environment, our attitude and also good professionals will help us to be able to work with them on those pending and particular issues of all grief.

Thus, some of the evidence that supports the hypothesis that we have overcome the period of mourning is the following:

We can talk about the person we have lost normally. We allow ourselves to get emotional and even cry, but we do so with acceptance.We put plans on the horizon and get excited about new vital goals.We create a space for that person inside us. Far from leaving it behind, we keep it in mind as a precious asset to integrate into our reality but without depending on it. We remember her with love and affection but without letting the pain block us.We open ourselves to our environment. We say “yes” to meeting new people, to expanding our relationships and we let positive emotions embrace us without conscience or guilt.

The happiness that we allow ourselves to experience today can be a good tribute to those people we leave behind. but they live safely in our hearts.

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