I don’t need anyone to tell me how to be happy

Happiness is not hidden behind magic formulas, much less in the wisdom of those who believe they know everything., and they see themselves as having the right to tell us which path to take and which people to avoid. Being happy is taking care of ourselves to be authentic architects of our destinies, in freedom and responsibility.

Everything we are, everything we have happens after a series of personal choices. Listening or taking advice is always positive, but if we always allow others to guide all decisions, we will become secondary actors in the theater of our own existence.

I choose how to be happy, I am the only one responsible for those personal maps that draw my essence, in which each mistake made or achievement achieved is the reflection of all my responsibilities.

As a curiosity, we will tell you that the most well-known and prestigious study on happiness was carried out in the 1940s. The conclusions reached by the “Grant Study” reveal something that almost all of us sense: Loving and being loved is usually, for most, the key to happiness.

Now, for our part, we want you to reflect on something else: in the need to love ourselves to be able to choose and build our own paths in freedom.

Being happy is a subtle balance between control and freedom

What makes your parents or friends happy, doesn’t have to make you happy. Each person is a world and in each world their laws govern, their ways of feeling, thinking and becoming emotionally enriched. The key is to find our own “element”, that motivation loaded with meaning to make it ours.

Let it flow: do not cling to others, assume that everything has its moment and that it is better to walk free than chained to what can never be: move forward calmly, sure of yourself…

Mihály Csíkszentmihályi is a very classic reference in the study of happiness. According to him, Rather than aspiring to be happy, we should focus on what he calls the “optimal experience.” that is to say, in that well-being in which our mind and our emotions are harmonized, having full control of the situation and where, simply, we let ourselves go or flow.

We analyze it in detail.

Happiness is control and freedom at the same time

Optimal experiences are those in which we enjoy having full control over a given activity. We feel competent and guided by a high intrinsic motivation. Throughout these optimal experiences, errors, unforeseen events or unexpected turns may appear, No doubt, but the feeling that “we are free” to start over gives us a pleasant feeling of self-efficacy and… happiness.

Read Also: Heuristics, the shortcuts of the mind

The ability to let ourselves “flow”

Csíkszentmihályi is the highest representative of the “flow” stateflow, an emotionally positive state of consciousness characterized by the following:

Flow is a state in which we feel committed in mind and heart to what we do in the world. “here and now”.The ego is deactivated and we enjoy great inner balance by doing and feeling things that truly define us, that are harmonized with our faculties, emotions and knowledge. Now, this calm will be broken immediately if we lose control and let ourselves be carried away by the commands or opinions of others. So, Instead of flowing we remain stuck. There is no movement or balance, what we will feel is a total disconnection with ourselves, with our essence.You might be interested…

What you DON’T need from others to be happy

If we reduce our search for happiness only to the aspiration to love and be loved, we will develop an unhealthy attachment. in which any disappointment, absence or disappointment leads to a serious personal crisis.

One more time, We must talk about balance, establishing mature and conscious relationships where we can also allow ourselves to “flow”, free of iron ties, dependencies and fears. Because If there is something that we must be clear about, it is that happiness is, above all, the absence of fear.

Since most of us know what we look for in people to feel good, let’s now reflect on what we DON’T need from others to be happy.

You don’t need their approvalis an unnecessary source of suffering.Don’t let other people’s fears “inoculate” you.. Limiting attitudes can be projected from parents to children or between partners, in such a way that they make us believe that we are not capable or suitable for life.Do not put goals on your horizon that are not yours. The aspirations of others do not define you, they are not yours, so it will always be better to find your “element”, your motivation. and make it the engine that gives strength to your daily dreams and hopes.