The theory of equity and its influence on our relationships

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Equity theory has to do with the constant search for balance in our personal relationships. Do we contribute more than we receive? How to find out? What can we do to change what seems unfair to us? Here we tell you.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt like you were contributing nothing or that you were contributing much more than the other party? How you felt? How have you acted? This is precisely what the equity theory proposed by psychologist John S. Adams in 1963 talks about. It is totally logical to feel bad when a relationship gives us less than what we offer.

This can be extrapolated to practically any type of relationship. When we feel this way, we tend to act in a certain way to reduce such dissonance, such a feeling of injustice. How to recover the sense of balance, that which we seem to continually seek? How does your search affect our self-esteem? We tell you everything through this theory of social psychology.

“Happiness is not a question of intensity, but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.”

-Thomas Merton-

What is equity theory?

Equity theory is a theory developed by behavioral psychologist John Stacey Adams in 1963, and we can classify it within social psychology. In turn, it can also be applied in the field of organizational psychology. What exactly does this theory consist of?

Your goal is explain what happens when we feel that there is an unequal relationship between what we contribute and what we receive within a relationship (of any type). And people always tend to seek balance in all facets of our lives, which includes (and especially in) social relationships. Let’s learn more about it through its two key elements:

Features of the theory

The theory of equity refers to different points or concepts. We can talk about three:

1. Comparison between what was contributed and what was received

People, when we have to make an effort to achieve something or when we find ourselves in a situation of exchange in a relationship, take into account (consciously or unconsciously) two aspects: on the one hand, what we contribute to the relationship (what I give) ; on the other, what the relationship gives us (what I receive).

Taking these values into account, We tend to seek balance between what we contribute and what we receive; We seek to feel that the relationship is fair, it is equitable.

That is to say, We analyze what we give and what we receive, feeling comfortable when we identify a balance. Contributions can come in different ways: effort, time, enthusiasm, money, sacrifice… And in the same way, receive the same thing (or different elements). But there is always an exchange; Any human relationship, whatever its type, is based on these exchange relationships.

2. Strength, motivation or tension

As we said, we analyze the exchange relationship and depending on what we perceive (if we feel that this relationship is “unfair”), an internal tension, a force or motivation appears in us. This force seeks to reduce or eliminate dissonance by reducing perceived inequality. On the other hand, if we feel that this relationship is equitable, it is fair, this force does not appear.

3. The step to action

Faced with this dissonance, this feeling of imbalance in the relationship (it can be a friendship, a couple, a work relationship…), we can operate in different ways. What options we have?

Reduce the efforts invested in the relationship (or the time, sacrifice, enthusiasm…). Demand more contributions (or involvement) from the other party. Change our comparison reference. Maximize what we are receiving from the other party. Resort to self-deception. Abandon the relationship, break it.

As we see, the options we have in the face of this cognitive dissonance are multiple. When we talk about self-deception, for example, we should know that it is usually easier to modify the vision we have of what others offer us (thinking that it is actually “more” than it really is) than to modify the vision of what they offer us. We ourselves contribute to the relationship.

Read Also: It is not personal: conflictive beings are at war with themselves

Actually, Self-deception is a kind of defense mechanism, that often keeps us “tied” to relationships that, deep down, do not satisfy us or compensate us.

How does it influence our self-esteem?

Equity theory talks about what has happened to all of us at some point: feeling bad in a relationship and not really understanding why. In the same way that it makes us feel bad to receive less than we contribute, receiving more than what we contribute can also generate negative feelings, such as guilt.

The balance we make in our relationships has effects on our self-esteem and our self-concept, since staying in a relationship where we do not feel valued can have a very negative impact on our mental health.

Thus, It is worth reviewing what type of relationships we maintain in our lives, what they give us and if they really compensate us. And once done, become aware of what we really want in our life, to make the necessary changes to get there.

“Our self-respect marks our choices. Every time we act in harmony with our authentic self and our heart, we earn respect. It’s that simple. “Every choice matters.”

-Dan Coppersmith-