It is not personal: conflictive beings are at war with themselves

Conflictive people, negative people, toxic people. People who hurt us and violate our peace too easily and, probably, with extreme frequency. Generally, we don’t want them in our lives, but encountering them is inevitable.

They have a special ability to confront and seem to seek conflict with their thoughts, opinions, emotions and behaviors… Their conflict causes us great discomfort and also interferes with our peace of mind.

Maybe it’s not something personal against us, but rather they may be fighting a big battle with themselves. After all, as Gandhi said, a person at war with himself is a person at war with the entire world.

We all have lights and shadows, we can all be conflictive people

Who most and who least has gone through moments of psychological difficulty in their life. In the same way, those who have behaved unfairly with someone the most and those who least have shamelessly done harm and have extinguished other people’s feelings, desires or motivations.

In other words, we all want to avoid something that to a greater or lesser extent each of us has done in some way throughout our lives. However, if we stop to think, perhaps when we speak in the first person we can understand it better.

Be that as it may, it is exhausting to have at your side a person who criticizes what is excessive, who gossips, who seeks to fight, who lives with an automatic protester and who distorts reality when it suits him, generating arguments between two people between whom peace reigned. .

But precisely that is why it is key for us to distance ourselves emotionally, not to let their negativity absorb us, not to internalize their attacks and not to assume their bad words, which can reach very deep and make a dent in our self-concept.

Manage problems generated by conflictive people

Traits to detect toxic people, their characteristics, strategies to defend yourself… Perhaps The best way to identify a conflictive person is to understand that they are at war with themselves. and that it is not a bottomless bag of evil.

To do this we must be clear about this:

Our way of cataloging people will be decisive when it comes to relating to them.. To live on the margins, it is important that we do not let this become a vicious circle of bad questions and worse answers.There are conflictive peopleYes, but basically our idea changes if we think that these people have problems that are generating emotional wars within them.We are all conflictive at some point and in certain environments.. Also, a person we love deeply can behave like a warrior eager for revenge. For that reason we are not going to love our partner, brother, son, friend, father any less. Another key to managing this is take perspective and avoid falling into the idea that there is something we have done wrong. If we internalize it, they are dragging us into their storms.

Don’t let others drag you into their storm

We cannot let others drag us into their storms. Because? With this example we will understand it very well:

-If someone comes to you with a gift and you do not accept it, who does the gift belong to?

“To whoever tried to deliver it,” responded one of the students.

“The same goes for envy, anger and insults,” said the teacher. When they are not accepted, they continue to belong to the person who carried them with them.

Each person gives to others what they have inside, whether it is pleasant or not. That does not mean that they are the ones who harm us, but that we are the ones who validate their opinions and actions. In other words, there are no offenses but only those who are offended.

Likewise, it is not the one who harms us but the one who replicates that evil thousands of times. We can let the words go with the wind or, on the contrary, remain with us. I think no one will have any doubt as to what satisfies us most.

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