Have you felt alone in your relationship? See 8 tips on what to do!

Why do people start a relationship?

It’s not just for love, support or attraction. Of course, these are the main reasons why we fall in love, but the desire to commit and spend our life with a person arises mainly from the need to companionship.

Unfortunately, reality isn’t always easy, as even marriage is no guarantee that you won’t start feeling lonely in a relationship.

What does it mean to be alone in a relationship?

It may seem strange and contradictory, but sometimes what you most wanted becomes the cause of your greatest unhappiness. When you start to feel uncomfortable in a relationship, it usually first manifests itself in loneliness.

Here it is also necessary to define the difference between being together and being lonely. Feeling lonely in a relationship means you feel alienated intellectually, monetary, and spiritually. You may feel lonely despite being with one person for 20 years together. On the other hand, when you feel “alone”, space is often the reason. So say, if you are a partner and you are staying in separate cities or countries, naturally you will be alone.

Loneliness is essentially a state of mind. The signs of loneliness in a relationship (as opposed to being alone) are all too familiar. You feel disconnected despite being together with your partner, so much so that there may not be a common point of communication.

More importantly, the joy disappears from your relationship and you start to feel that love has become weak. You might be doing all the “couple stuff” like traveling, socializing, and going to parties together, but inside it’s all empty.

How to deal with feeling lonely in a relationship

There are many causes for loneliness to seep into relationships. The main one is the lack of emotional and physical intimacy. When you stop connecting with your longtime partner on an intimate level, you start to disconnect from them. Everything in the relationship starts to feel like a chore.

Your interests may no longer match as the compatibility level keeps decreasing. This results in further deterioration of the communication between the two of you and the result is loneliness, boredom and a feeling that something is missing.

I recognize that it’s hard to keep up your pretensions and keep going when you feel alone. Furthermore, this isolation leads to bigger problems and eventual disintegration of a relationship. If you don’t want to go that route, here are some tips on what to do:

1. Identify your partner’s feelings

Even when you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness, try to identify the real reasons where those feelings come from. Most importantly, find out if your partner feels the same way. Often, you’re so caught up in your own emotions that you don’t even bother to think about what your other half is feeling.

It would be selfish to assume that you are the only one with relationship problems. If you find that even your spouse or boyfriend is not happy, the whole situation requires a very different approach. So first try to be objective and find out if you are the only one who feels lonely in the relationship or if it is both.

2. Find out what the trigger has been

Every instance of loneliness can have a trigger or a strong reason. Think hard (list if you want) about the reasons that make you feel alone. Is it a physical distance? Do you feel incompatible with your partner? Is there a communication gap between you? Or is it someone else?

There must be a strong reason why you are in a relationship but feel lonely. Identify the reasons, past or present, that gave rise to these feelings and emotions that pull your energy down. Once you discover the real reasons, you can work on them.

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3. Find out if your feelings are valid

Are you feeling alone or are you really alone? This question can answer many questions. Some people suffer from a sense of victimization and self-pity.

It can also happen that, because of external factors, a person becomes so emotionally overwhelmed that he does not know how to deal with it.

And then she starts blaming the relationship or her partner when it’s actually her internal issues that could be affecting the relationship. In such cases, it is advised do couple therapy or even individual therapy.

4. Engage with the solution outside the relationship

You often place the burden of seeking emotional security on your partner’s shoulders. Because of the emptiness and loneliness you experience, you tend to use your partner for help. But he/she may not be able to match or be able to do so. And then the disappointment only increases.

Instead, allow yourself to build resilience and identify where you can turn to for support. Maybe the way to stop feeling lonely in a relationship is to look for a solution outside of it. Make new goals that don’t necessarily involve your relationship and focus your attention on that. Gradually, your loneliness will disappear.

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5. Develop new hobbies and interests

This point is very close to what we discussed in Point 4. When you find yourself spiraling down the lonely road, it is important to distract yourself with something that makes you feel good. The best way to do this is develop new hobbies and interests. Remember that you also have a life outside of your relationship!

Think about other aspects of your life and identify the things you love to do. Learn a new art, a sport, cuisines, etc. Set new goals for your career. Dedicate your energy to nurturing your creativity. This will take you to a new path.

6. Be friends outside of your relationship

One of the sad realities of marriage is that we often expect it to meet all of our needs—physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual.

It doesn’t work like that. A relationship cannot provide everything you are looking for. Therefore, it is essential develop friendships outside of marriage. Go out to see movies, eat, travel together with like-minded people and expand your network of friends.

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7. Talk to your partner

Let your partner know how you feel. It may or may not elicit the response you want — he or she may understand your state or maybe just alienate you even more. You have no control over it, but talking about it is essential.

Perhaps the two of you can work together to resolve the issues. Even small steps, like taking a weekend off or taking a short trip, can be effective in bringing back the spark of passion.

8. Slow down and take a break

Feeling alone in a relationship can also be a result of being too busy with other aspects of life. You may not be able to dedicate time to marriage due to the demands of your career or schedule. Perhaps love has disappeared from your relationship because of the mundane spiel of life.

What you need is a break. Sometimes it’s a good idea to slow down, take a deep breath, put other things on the back burner, and pay attention to the relationship. Instead of being overwhelmed by too many stimuli, give your body and mind the rest and relaxation they deserve.

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