Grieve your divorce

Divorce is an act that combines too many emotions at the same time. . On the one hand, you feel sad that the relationship you started with so many hopes has not given more of itself. But you will also feel angry and frustration for all the lost time and the bad experiences that were around.

Depending on your personality and emotional intelligence you may find yourself jumping from one emotion to another or taking everything relatively calmly. The important thing is to remember that your reaction is natural, only you can understand why you act that way. Here we will give you some keys that will help you grieve your divorce more calmly and with a better perspective.

Denial

Being sad when divorce comes is natural . This process involves the loss of the time invested and the person with whom you made plans for a lifetime. We are made to feel this way and the unnatural thing would be to feel any other way.

During the denial stage you will want to believe that divorce is avoidable. . You will seek to deal with the situation by talking to your partner or ignoring the problem hoping that it will resolve itself.

Sadness is not only caused by the time spent. Although in many cases the divorce is by mutual agreement, great affection remains and distancing can cause pain. It can also be caused by deception, or seeing frustrated prospects.

Anger

Anger caused by divorce is one of the most difficult emotions to deal with. You will feel angry when you feel that you are losing control and you begin to analyze all your mistakes and those of your ex-partner. . You will blame yourself for any small detail that, in your eyes, caused the divorce.

The worst will come when you don’t find a way to solve the matter. You will get angry and look for any alternative to feel better. Some people make the mistake of seeking revenge in some way. . Instead, take your time to think things through and calm down.

Negotiation

After the anger over the divorce, the negotiation . This step will lead you to believe that you can restore the relationship . You will begin to think of alternatives that will convince your partner to stay or to back down on their decision.

You will make promises that you may not want or be able to keep. r. From quitting smoking to changing jobs or devoting more time to the relationship. What you must remember is that This is a bad time to commit in any way.

Sadness

No one enters into marriage with the idea of ​​reaching a divorce at some point and before reaching this stage. you will have found many reasons to cry . Of all the moments you will experience during or after your divorce, it will be the most painful.

The best thing you can do at this stage is to look for alternatives to be optimistic And carry on. The last thing you should do is fall into self-pity and stay stuck at home . Even if you don’t have desires, make some plans to keep you busy.

Acceptance

After going through several negative emotions, it is time to assimilate your new situation. Whether you are just about to sign a divorce or have already done so, Now you will be calmer and more optimistic about the future and what awaits you.

Your life will begin to make sense again and you will see alternatives that are worth trying. Take the opportunity to smile a little more at every moment. The best news is that just At this moment you will remember how to be happy again with the small details of daily life.

Overcoming

At this point you will have learned to live the new life after your divorce. . There will be no more fantasies about reestablishing that relationship or tears during the night when finding the bed empty.

This does not mean that you do not feel pain, but that You will have turned the page and that relationship is definitely in the past. At the right time you can contact your ex-partner if you need to. Don’t rush and take your time to take each step.

The phases of grief that you must experience

Although here I have talked to you about the phases of grief due to divorce in a relative order, the reality can be completely different. You will find yourself dealing with reality in as orderly a way as your life allows. emotional intelligence .

Experiencing each of these emotional states is necessary to heal completely. You must allow yourself to experience each of them and seek the help you consider necessary when the time comes.

Indicators of a grief experience

According to different authors, there are a series of physical, emotional, cognitive and behavioral indicators that can indicate to us that we are living an experience of grief. Sánchez and Martínez (2014) They include in their article these indicators proposed by different researchers:

Physical: Panic attacks, fatigue, apathy, dry mouth, weakness, crying, insomnia…Emotional: Guilt, anxiety, helplessness, anger, sadness, pain, depression, rage, anguish…Cognitive: Self-reproach, insecurity, indifference to life, confusion, disappointment…Behavioral: Crying, sleep disturbances, looking for your ex-partner, social isolation, demotivation…You might be interested…