Gaslighting, the most subtle and corrosive form of abuse

Imagine a relationship in which one of the parties involved confesses to the other that during a past conversation he felt hurt by certain comments. However, the second member’s response is puzzling: he flatly denies having said anything that caused that pain, he even insinuates that the person is making everything up..

At that moment, and unexpectedly, a component was planted in the dynamics of the relationship: the seed of doubt. In this subtle game of emotional manipulation, the gaslighting has made his entrance. Following his appearance, a confused potential victim questions his own perception of reality. We analyze in depth what is gaslightinghow to recognize it and what to do in such a situation.

What is the gaslighting?

According to the North American Psychological Association (APA), he gaslighting is a manipulation strategy to make a person doubt their perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events. This is a form of psychological abuse, one that is distinguished from other types of manipulation because it is more difficult to distinguish.

It is pertinent to clarify from now on what is not gaslighting. As noted in a recent work published in Frontiers in Psychologythe concept is different from the following phenomena:

He ghosting (cessation of communication and contact with a person). bullying (use of force, ridicule or threats to abuse, dominate or intimidate an individual). Blackmail (pressure or threat made on someone to act in a certain way, almost always related to the disclosure of personal information) .Insults (offenses or provocations with words or actions intended to irritate).Disagreements, intimidations and lies.

Contrary to all this, he gaslighting It’s more subtle. Of course, it can include elements of the above, but always in an almost imperceptible way. As a consequence, whoever receives the manipulation assimilates all the accusations without realizing that they are playing with their mind in a malicious way.

Although many think that it is an academic term, in reality its use is colloquial. In fact, professionals in psychology and other social sciences avoid it, in principle, due to its ambiguity.

Origin of gaslighting

The term was first used in a 1938 British play called Gaslight. This work was adapted into a 1944 film, with Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer as protagonists. The film version is the one used as a reference point for the description and categorization of the phenomenon.

The plot is very simple: A seemingly gentle man uses lies and manipulation to isolate his wife and persuade her that he is losing his mind so that he can steal her newly inherited wealth..

It was not until the early 1950s that the name of the film was used as a verb: gaslighting. Starting in the 1960s, it was used as an allusion to a type of manipulation. In recent years it has gained relevance, especially on social networks and the Internet. So much so, that in 2018 Oxford University Press included it in its list of the most popular words of that year.

Features of the gaslighting

Although in practice the phenomenon is very variable, he gaslighting It usually follows a three-stage pattern:

At the beginning, the victim confronts the manipulator. Then, he begins to doubt his own certainties. Finally, he adopts the aggressor’s version as truth.

The characteristics or tactics that the gaslighting may involve are the following:

Distracting conversations

In its initial stage, when the victim confronts it, the abuser chooses to change the topic or redirect the conversation to different topics. He does it to evade an accusation, to downplay it or to counteract it.

Constant denial of reality

The manipulator repeatedly denies the victim’s facts or actions. Thus, he sows doubt in the latter about his own perception of reality.

Devaluation of feelings and emotions

Who exercises the gaslighting He chooses to belittle or minimize his victim’s feelings. It makes you feel like your worries and emotions are worthless. Also, they are too sensitive to certain actions.

Gradual conviction

The aggressor uses different strategies, such as questions or phrases gaslightingwhose intention is to modify the victim’s impression of the events. He does it gradually, subtly and with insight.. Since the manipulation is gradual, the person who receives it does not realize the network that is woven around them.

Misrepresentation of reality

Manipulators distort the truth by presenting facts out of context or misinterpreting results. This leads the victim to question their own memory and perception of it. To do this, they often use blatant lies..

Subtle intimidation

Although it rarely involves physical violence, the gaslighting It is usually accompanied by psychological intimidation, which makes it difficult for the victim to defend himself.

Hiding objects or simulating events

In extreme cases, the abuser may hide objects or create situations that cause the victim to doubt what they have done or experienced. Through this tactic, he convinces the person that he is the one who is right..

In accordance with American Sociological Review, these tactics are built on stereotypes based on gender and the structural and institutional inequalities of the victims. Women, immigrants, gay people, and others are most at risk of being targeted.

7 consequences of gaslighting in the victims

1. Erosion of self-esteem

The fact that the aggressor makes the victim doubt their own perceptions, facts and actions translates into a direct impact on self-esteem. After all, part of it is based on self-assessment of one’s own capabilities. If these are questioned, self-esteem too.

2. Blame and emotional exhaustion

By constantly doubting themselves, the victim can begin to blame themselves and suffer emotional exhaustion that perpetuates the cycle of psychological violence.

3. Mental confusion

The victim may feel confused and disoriented, which can lead to problems with decision making and the ability to discern the truth.

4. Social isolation

It is common for the person receiving manipulation to isolate themselves from others. The victim may feel increasingly alone and vulnerable. Paradoxical as it may seem, he finds in his attacker the only support and comfort available..

5. Insecurity in relationships

After an experience of gaslighting, the victim may have difficulty relating to other people and establishing healthy relationships. Partly because your perception of reality may remain altered; partly because she fears being the target of similar episodes.

6. Mental disorders

Constant manipulation and the feeling of being trapped in a distorted reality can trigger mental disorders such as anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The psychological trauma is not minor, although the consequences depend greatly on the characteristics of each manipulation received.

7. Impact on daily life

For example, at work the person may have challenges concentrating and performing effectively. As well as weakening their functionality, vitality and well-being in day-to-day activities.

It is important to note that all consequences vary depending on the duration and intensity of the abuse. Recognizing the signs and seeking professional support are crucial.

Profile of those involved in the gaslighting

In general, those who resort to this technique do not do so for the very act of manipulating. On the contrary, What he wants is to exercise power and control over someone he considers inferior.. In the process, seek the participation or cooperation of the victim; With this, he does not feel that said person exercises control.

Characteristics of the aggressor

As already stated, the term is not used in academic contexts because it gives rise to confusion. Despite this, some researchers have identified the tactics of the gaslighting inside of the modus operandi of certain disorders.

For example, and according to a work published in Journal of Autoethnography, The procedure is often inserted into the coercion and manipulation carried out by narcissistic people.. So much so, that in the English language the term is used gaslighting narcissist to refer to people with the disorder who predominantly use these strategies.

However, it has also been linked to psychopathy, sociopathy, borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and the like. Therefore, the profile of someone who practices gaslighting can be set to the following:

Unsafety: Although in public they manifest self-confidence and arrogance, deep down they are insecure individuals who manifest a way of being that is far from what they actually possess.Apparent kindness: They tend to present themselves as cordial and gentle people. This facade makes it difficult for the victim to detect her manipulative tactics.Control and power fantasies: and not only linked to the success of certain life goals, but also to fantasies that materialize in relation to those around them.Feelings of superiority: which may or may not be justified. In general, they tend to underestimate their real worth compared to the actions or abilities they have (their beauty, their importance, their achievements, and so on).Reduced empathy: They often do not understand the emotions and feelings of others as well as lack emotional intelligence.Alteration of the ethical and moral ideas of society: Related to the previous aspect, many of those who carry out manipulation with gaslighting They have ethics and morals that do not correspond to those of the society where they live. That is, they practice their own ideas about it.

Of course, this is a general profile of the attacker. In practice, it may differ with the behavior of the manipulator. It is not uncommon for these to have behind them a history of lying, deceit, fraud, or otherwise regarding your interpersonal relationships (work, family, friends and society in general).

Characteristics of the victims

There are personality characteristics that make a person more susceptible to gaslighting. We collect some:

Lack of affection: This is because they tend to idealize the manipulator, interpreting their actions as genuine displays of affection.Insecurity and low self-esteem: Since the central component of this manipulation is doubt, those who already have certain hesitations about themselves are more vulnerable to it.Approval required: This emotional vulnerability can lead those who suffer from it to give in to manipulations gaslighting, even at the cost of questioning their own perception and reality. Furthermore, the low self-esteem associated with this need can contribute to…