6 signs of unresolved grief that you should know

Unresolved grief becomes embedded in one’s life like a cold iceberg. It freezes all progress and leaves us encapsulated in a permanent suffering that, despite everything, sometimes allows us to be more or less functional. One goes to work, completes one’s tasks, takes care of the house, comes and goes, talks to some, converses with others… However, there is something that fails and distorts existence.

The emptiness of someone who is no longer here is not easy to assume. Thus, and although we have been taught that the grieving process follows the classic phases of denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance, the truth is that this does not always happen this way. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s theory of the 5 phases of grief are not universal and not all people go through them in this order.

There are many who get stuck, trapped in the first phases, in that denial that is accompanied by anger, camouflaged depression and constant anger. Few experiences are as delicate and hard as having to deal with the permanent absence of someone who should always be by our side…

Signs of unresolved grief

There is a type of pain that unites us all and for which no one is prepared. Death and suffering for those we lose is a universal experience, but even so each person experiences it in a particular way. There are those who have an easier time expressing what they feel and sharing it with others. Instead, There are those who strive to repress or deny that pain to try to return to normality as soon as possible.

At the end of the day, life is pressing, responsibilities urge us, the days go by and it is necessary to return to that strange everyday life. However, those who make the most effort to speed up grief—or avoid it—are those who prolong it the longest. Without help, Without support, these types of situations can lead to major depression or situations of isolation and loneliness.

Research works such as those carried out at Columbia University warn that while it is true that the majority of people end up accepting this loss and regaining interest in continuing to move forward, there are exceptions. Unresolved grief does not know stages, sometimes you experience a few positive days and then emotional numbness, apathy and even anger return.

Let us therefore look at those characteristics that define unresolved grief.

1. Denial and emotional anesthesia

The person does not fully accept or understand that loss. This refusal to accept what happened leads them to a kind of emotional anesthesia as they are unable to express or vent their emotions.. It is difficult for them to cry, they cannot open up to those around them, it is impossible for them to talk about the deceased person…

2. Hypersensitivity

When so many conflicting and unaccepted feelings accumulate, it is common to develop hypersensitivity.. Any unforeseen event, any small problem is experienced in an exaggerated way. Everything overwhelms them, everything becomes a mountain to them, they cannot make decisions or reflect calmly.

3. Somatization, the painful body

Muscle pain, continued fatigue, digestive disorders, insomnia, headaches… Unresolved grief almost always manifests itself in the form of somatization.. It is common for these people to constantly go to the doctor when faced with this physical discomfort, but without allowing themselves to accept that the origin of everything lies in unaddressed emotional pain.

4. The future does not exist, lack of perspectives

When the present lacks meaning due to the lack of that loved one, the future has no presence.. This is another recurring characteristic in unresolved grief, the lack of perspectives, of hope, of being able to look forward to tomorrow. The person limits himself to letting himself go, to becoming embedded in a meaningless everyday life.

5. Unresolved grief and relational problems

Those who get stuck in the early stages of grief live with frustration, anger, and denial.. It is very difficult to maintain a good relationship with the environment when one feels anger over that loss experienced. He lacks patience, he does not find motivation, he does not enjoy his partner, his friends and even his children.

6. Mental and addiction disorders

Another problematic factor in unresolved grief is the development of major depressive disorder. Likewise, we cannot leave aside the possible addiction to alcohol or other substances. Q

On the other hand, eating disorders are also correlated with the loss of loved ones. They are undoubtedly situations of high psychological vulnerability.

How are these situations treated?

In it Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (DSM-5) we do not find the diagnostic label for unresolved grief as such. Now, the characteristics indicated here are part of what we know as “persistent complex grief disorder.” These are realities that affect on average 5% of the population at some point.

If we ask ourselves what is the best way to address these situations, the answer is obvious: with psychological therapy. Studies such as those carried out at the University of San Diego (California) indicate that an approach based on the combination of cognitive-behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy and prolonged exposure techniques is especially effective.

To conclude, although it is true that no one is prepared to address these types of circumstances, with support and closeness it is possible to go through these difficult experiences with greater integrity. The loss is never forgotten, but the pain diminishes enough to once again place hope in tomorrow.

You might be interested…