For those who left us without asking permission or saying goodbye

Those who are no longer sleep in the depths of our hearts, but many of those absences remain abysses of pain in our memory: because they left us without being able to say goodbye, They left without a “I love you” or maybe even without a “I’m sorry.” This vital anguish makes the proper grieving process difficult in many cases.

Death should be like saying goodbye on a train platform. There where you can have a brief interval of time where you can have that last conversation, where you can offer a long hug and let go with a calm see-you-later, having complete confidence that everything is going to be fine. However, none of this is possible.

Anne Morrow Lindberg, famous writer and aviator of the early 20th century, explained in her biography that pain, contrary to what many think, is not universal. Suffering is something so personal, deep and stark that only oneself can understand it. to begin, little by little, a slow process of internal reconstruction.

Because death knows no goodbyes and that is something we must accept sooner or later. We invite you to reflect on it.

Those who left us without asking permission or saying goodbye

It is often said that The only “positive” aspect of terminal illnesses is that, in some way, they allow the person to accept and even prepare for their farewell process. or what is now known as “the good death.” However, no matter how prepared the family is for that moment or that “detachment,” sometimes, far from feeling relieved, they also experience it as something traumatic.

However, Those who left us without asking permission or saying goodbye are undoubtedly the absences that cause the most difficulty for us when it comes to starting our grieving process. throughout those 5 stages of the Kübler-Ross model. The usual thing is to get stuck in feelings of disbelief and denial, leading, in the worst case, to a state of vital disorganization marked by chronic anger or depression.

The unexpected death of a loved one is more than just an intense emotional impact. Loss leaves many loose ends, unfinished business, unsaid words, unapologetic regrets. and the desperate need to have been able to say goodbye. The answers to all of this will then be within us, and that is where we will have to take refuge for a certain time to find calm, relief and acceptance.

How to deal with the loss of a loved one when we have not been able to say goodbye

Jim Morrison said that people tend to be more afraid of pain than of death, when in reality, it is death itself that finally relieves the pain. However, the famous singer-songwriter of “The Doors” forgot something essential, since After death, another type of suffering begins: that of family members, friends, couples…

Something that we must be very clear from the beginning is that each person will experience grief in a particular way. There are no times or a strategy that serves us all equally. Furthermore, that pain that paralyzes so much at the beginning, that takes the breath away and even steals our soul in the first days, weeks or months, ends up softening. Because even if we think it is almost impossible… We survive.

Learn to say goodbye to those who did not have their chance

Those who left us with so many voids, unanswered questions, unsaid words and without that needed goodbye, are not going to return. It is something that we must assume, face and accept. However Something that should offer us relief is remembering that that person loved us and that the love was reciprocal..

Avoid focusing your thoughts on the day of the loss, go back in your mental time machine to those moments of shared affection, to those moments of happiness and excitement. This is where the answers to your questions are found: that person knew that she was loved. Write a letter with everything you wish you had told her or, if you prefer, talk to her mentally or out loud, thus facilitating relief. Aftervisualize a moment of harmony shared with that person, a moment of peace and happiness where you see him or her smile. Feel loved, feel comforted. If you prefer, you can repeat this exercise as many days as you need. Nevertheless, It is also appropriate to share time with other family and friends, which, without a doubt, will also give you the answers you need. They will convince you that even though you didn’t have that farewell, the other person knew very well how much you loved them.

The wound of loss, of that painful and unexpected absence, will cauterize over time.. Although they are voids that are never forgotten, whether we believe it or not, our brain is “programmed” to overcome adversity due to that almost innate instinct to continue moving forward. For surviving.

For it, It is enough to take care of ourselves and attend to ourselves like someone who puts together a delicate piece of fragmented porcelain. We will unite it again with good memories that honor the loved one and with that material of which loves that are not forgotten are made, the most sincere and indelible affection and that emotional legacy that will serve as a varnish to be much stronger and braver. tomorrow.

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