The loss of a brother: fraternal grief

The loss of a brother provokes a particular form of grief. In fact, all grief is different because each bond is also unique. The one you have with your siblings is usually one of the most genuine ones throughout life and usually provokes mixed feelings.

Although it’s not fair, he duel originated by the loss of a brother is often overshadowed. More importance is given to other ties, such as that of parents, children or spouses. At the same time, fraternal grief is usually one of the deepest and most felt. This contradiction can often make it difficult to put our feelings in order.

After the loss of a brother, a family restructuring occurs. This alters the order of birth, in one way or another. When it comes to the older or younger brother, one of the others is suddenly left in that place, without having asked for it. Likewise, the roles are modified, as well as several of the characteristics of the mourners.

The loss of a brother

The loss of a sibling usually causes very deep grief. Although it cannot be generalized, in many cases it means the absence of someone who has always been in one’s life. These are very close, long-lasting relationships that have left a deep mark on who we are..

That’s why, this type of losses They almost always cause great initial confusion. If they are brothers who have grown up together, with the one who leaves, a part of their personal history also leaves. You lose someone you have counted on in good and bad times. Therefore, it is not unusual for there to be a strange feeling of loneliness and helplessness.

In cases where siblings are also great friends, the loss leads to a lot of confusion and great emptiness. That witness, that accomplice, will no longer be there, unconditionally, to contrast who we are and enrich what we do.. This can lead to great feelings of sadness.

Guilts and roles

The loss of a brother is also often a favorable occasion for old guilt to be reactivated.. Brothers who respect each other have had conflicts more than once. A good part of our identity has been forged from the contrasts we establish with them. It is likely that there have even been several moments of distancing or tension.

Nevertheless, It is also likely that solid and indestructible bonds will be forged between siblings.. Thus, when a brother leaves, it is possible that a certain desire arises to torment ourselves for that toy that we did not lend him when we were 6 years old. Or that we regret not supporting him enough when he broke up with his partner or lost his job.

Suddenly all that space they occupied is empty. What he or she did for the family, who will do it now? Even if it contributed little, who are we going to worry about now? Who will we question? The order we knew is no longer the same and it also seems as if the world were another, more melancholic, confused and desolate.

Facing fraternal grief

The first step in facing the loss of a sibling is to allow ourselves to be sad. In many cases, survivors end up taking care of the pain of their parents, the partner of their brother who is no longer here, their children, etc. Although this is sometimes unavoidable, others should not be allowed to take over everything.

It is very important to recognize and take charge of our own pain, which is usually very great.. This implies, first of all, forgiving ourselves. Guilt is useless because there is no remedy. Things could always have been different, but they could never have been perfect. It’s not worth beating yourself up over those mistakes that no longer count.

The best option is to give ourselves some time and then, when everything is no longer so confusing, learn to remember that life partner who left. Collect in memory, and perhaps in a photo album, or in writing, those memorable and unique moments that were shared.

The loss of a brother is also a time to reconnect with him, with his steps and footprints, with how much he left us and with gratitude for having him in our lives.

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