The types of family rules: recognized, implicit and secret

family rules are those agreements that limit or promote a wide variety of behaviors in the family. The key word there is “limit” and, in principle, that term has something unfriendly precisely because it restricts freedom, in one way or another. However, they are essential to achieve adaptation to culture, in addition to facilitating the construction of will, resilience, etc.

Unlike the rules that exist in a school or other institutions, family rules are not written anywhere, nor do they form a statute that those involved agree to or sign. Many times not even the family is aware that they practice or promulgate some of them.

It also happens that precisely because they are not fully rational and deliberate, family rules include contradictions. It happens when something is ordered that is not fulfilled and there are no consequences for it; or when something is defended, but the opposite is rewarded, etc. However, such norms leave very deep marks on each of the members of this community.

The hierarchy of family rules

Although every family has its rules, it must be said that most of these rules are never explicitly stated. Likewise, not all of these guidelines are permanent or immutable. Some last a long time, even forever, while others are temporary or never come to fruition, even if they have been enacted.

Thus, family rules have a different hierarchy, which gives rise to three levels of norms:

General rules. They are the highest level norms and are related to the “should be” of the family and each of its members. For example, “No one should waste water.”Subrules. They are rules specifically intended to control certain behaviors and are applied differently among family members. For example, the oldest child has to take out the trash, but the baby has no responsibility.Lower rules. They are the lowest level and refer to specific behaviors, in specific situations. For example, “You should greet the person who comes to visit.”

The types of rules

Family rules not only have different hierarchies, but also They are of various types, depending on the degree of consciousness that each of them involves.. The way in which these norms are manifested largely defines the real values ​​and models in each member of the family.

From this point of view, the types of rules that exist are the following:

Recognized rules. They are the rules established explicitly, openly and directly. They regulate coexistence, divide work at home and establish general guidelines for conduct. The clearer the rules are, the better the coexistence.Implicit rules. They understand the guidelines that are given as understood, which is why it is accepted that there is not much to talk about in this regard. They play a fundamental role in structuring the family. In general, they have to do with values ​​and morals.secret rules. Secret rules are not talked about and almost no one identifies their existence. They are noticeable because in practice they correspond to behaviors that are repeated, although those involved do not fully understand why or for what purpose.

An example of a recognized rule is: ““You don’t get to this house after midnight.”. One implicit rule may be: “believe in God”. Finally, an example of a secret rule could be to destroy the enthusiasm of one of the family members every time he wants to start something new.

Functionality and dysfunctionality of the rules

Ideally, family rules are agreed upon first by the couple and then with the children. However, there are very few families in which this is done. Typically, such agreements are made implicitly or never made. This gives rise to some confusion in the family about what is allowed, prohibited or valid or invalid.

A family rule is functional when it is fulfilled and operates in practice as a factor that facilitates and provides good quality. to coexistence. For this to happen, the standard must be explicit, but also have a margin of intelligent flexibility. Rules that are too rigid lead to lack of autonomy or rebellion.

Dysfunctional rules are also configured when they imply contradictions or legitimize a destructive situation.. Examples of this are parents who yell at their child: “do not scream!” Or those in which one member of the family keeps the privileges, while another only receives the burdens.

All these rules define the logic within which a family moves. This also ends up shaping the logic within which an individual behaves. That is why they are of great importance and give a particular seal to the relationship with others inside and outside the family.

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