Moving house, more than a choice

Family mobilization, multiplicity of personal meanings, emotional turgor, stress, problems of problems… in short, a true crisis. These are just some of the aspects that come into play when someone must move house, build a new one or decide to remodel the one they already have.

Because Homes say much more about us than we think and fulfill more functions than we think. Even moving or when they are under construction also plays a role. Next, we will see it. Let’s dig deeper.

The house, a place of secure attachment

The house is an important reference in our life. In our childhood, it welcomes us, gives us affection and protects us. And during adulthood, it affirms us and gives us security, anchors us in a place and makes us have roots.

We usually look for a secure attachment reference in our home. How many times we long to reach it! As if it gave us that emotional warmth that we need so much and covered us with security and calm. Home sweet home (“home sweet home”) as the song says…

A general level, It is usually given a protective meaning and it is no wonder: the first houses of primitive man were caves that not only provided heat, but also protected him from inclement weather and predatory animals that put his life at risk.

The house is a great mother that takes care of us and gives us warmth. Thus, it is logical that moving or changing homes is very moving. In principle because Leaving the place we live in is a loss and as such it is distressing.

Therefore, mourning the lost house is one of the main mobilizing topics when moving. Someone who moves loses his protection to later acquire a new one, but if in addition to moving you try to build or remodel, the situation worsens.

Besides, the house also expresses our internal world, our affections, beliefs and values ​​and this can be seen in its architecture. Its design according to certain parameters reflects it and reveals desires, restrictions and fundamentally a lifestyle.

Favorite places in the house reflect who we are

Where does family put the most emphasis? What are the most privileged places? In which room is each person most comfortable? Everything carries more information than we think.

For example, There are more social families that give importance to sectors focused on sharing with friends, relatives, co-workers, etc. They are those who choose large rooms to place L-shaped armchairs or large windows overlooking a garden. In fact, this social typology is also related to playful families that privilege play.

Instead, Other families escape sociability and opt for a kind of ostracism: they give more importance to the intimacy of the bathrooms -with hydromassages-, desks, libraries, giant TV screens and even a small balcony where you can have breakfast. These are, for example, those couples who love to eat in bed or watch a movie.

Bathrooms, kitchens, living rooms and other places in the house

The intimacy of intimacy, this is how bathrooms could be defined. In fact, there are people who spend a lot of time in them: those who use them as a reading room and even place a magazine rack in them or listen to music and even put in a Scottish shower or a large hydromassage.

On the other hand, there are couples who live together, but sleep in separate rooms with separate bathrooms. Hers, for example, is a rococo bathroom with pastel colors and perfumed smells, while his is a minimalist, austere bathroom with Franciscan simplicity.

For other families it is The kitchen is the main place in the house. They are those that make good eating a cult and they have large cupboards and tables, an island in the middle and a prominent refrigerator plus a large refrigerator.

Also the emphasis on the intellectual makes the desks relevant. Rooms for reading or research; large libraries with comfortable armchairs and large windows, etc.

Others have a gym-type room: with equipment, treadmills and bicycles because they are sporty families and need their weekly dose of physical exercise.

As a curiosity, it should be noted that Families that live on appearance put ostentation at the forefront. Gardens, ornate railings, pompous doors and much more. They look like millionaires, even though the house is not large inside or does not have top quality materials. Of course, there are also families that are more congruent with their lifestyle, needs and home design.

The architect is a family mediator

Each family puts its scale of values ​​and style into play. However, When a house is built, the architect is the recipient of ideas, but also the advisor, the guide, the suggestor. In fact, one of the fundamental tasks of the architect is mediation.

The members of a family do not always agree and deliberations, disputes and even discussions take place in front of the architect. It is the typical example of the complementary pairs of couples: while one spouse is social, the other is a hermit; one is intellectual and the other playful; one the athlete and the other sedentary.

These polarities, which in life are possibly complementary, become an obstacle when designing and building: What are the places that are going to be privileged?

The differences can be understood as complementarities or antagonisms. As long as complementarity is accepted in a couple, everything works in order, but If differences are understood as oppositions, games of rivalry and escalations will be established.and other power dynamics that lead to catastrophe.

These differences can be activated against, in the construction or remodeling of a house, and It is the architect who becomes the refereeas judge, psychologist and mediator of the dispute.

Beyond the disputes about the new house and how to move

Two spouses whose relationship is shaky on some of its sides, faced with the fact of building or moving, it is likely that deep unresolved conflicts will intensify. It is not the construction itself, but this is the trigger, the firing pin, that activates the shot that wounds the relationship.

Contrary, Many couples during a remodeling, let alone a construction, come together. Although it may seem paradoxical, many people divert the focus of the conflict and place a carrot on themselves that works as a distraction to move forward, while the work lasts.

Other couples separate, leaving the work in half, They are those constructions that are sold and the real estate salesman tells us the sad story of the couple who separated before finishing the construction. Others escalate by raising the ante of disqualifications in the attempt to impose personal ideas.

There are also those who place the architect as judge, who must give a thumbs up or not in favor of life or death like a Roman emperor. Some spouses let the architect decide and then come together to criticize him or one even delegates to the other and when the other’s decision is carried out, he or she is disqualified. Or they stay united almost against the architect and when the work is finished they last a few months together and separate.

Nevertheless, Not everything takes place in a setting of notable neurosis. There are functional couples and families who enjoy the new company, who contribute ideas, who love the process and make each decision an advance in the construction. It is a process full of joy and when a decision is discussed, it is done with respect and empathy.

Either way, Building a house and moving are a crisis that can damage the family and couple system. and perhaps become a problem, because each member can have different perspectives of reality and generate a significant level of stress.

Thus, the architect is a fundamental piece, who must have tools (not a pencil, a computer, a meter, etc.), but clinical and mediation tools to make interventions that allow the couple to combine criteria or directly send them to a psychotherapist. that helps resolve the conflict that has exploded.

In this sense, the architect either catalyzes the conflict or stops italthough he should not take on such responsibility, because then every architect should undergo training in clinical psychology or work with a therapist on their team!

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