When another person appears

At the most unexpected moment, at work, at a party, at a dinner with friends, someone appears that catches our attention. Suddenly, we may find ourselves at a crossroads if we have a partner and feel an attraction to someone we are starting to get to know.

We don’t control who we fall in love with, who attracts us. We may have been with a partner for decades and suddenly someone different appears, someone who makes us vibrate and get excited again.

We get nervous, our palms sweat, we babble, we stumble, and our hearts beat faster.

What do the studies say?

A study carried out by researchers from four North American universities (Columbia University, Indiana, Kentucky and Lexington), investigated 160 women between 19 and 56 years old who were married or in relationships of more than three years and 70% said they had ever felt attracted to someone other than their partner.

The majority of women (70%) experienced attraction in the work environment, which is not surprising since it has been proven that we become more attracted to people the more we spend time with them.

A study published in Psychological Science, titled “Leveling the Playing Field” concluded that attraction can increase over time.

But the fact of being attracted to another person when we have a partner It does not necessarily mean the end of a marriage or relationshipsince generally this situation helps us see the problems that the relationship we are in may have and appreciate our partner more.

The causes of attraction to another person

The question is: Why are we attracted to another person when we have a partner? Here we tell you some reasons:

The attraction of novelty

When we have been in a relationship for a long time and have lived with a person, the novelty disappears, we enter the daily routine and As time goes by, we stop feeling the attraction we felt at the beginning. and we stopped being surprised.

Furthermore, with the passage of time and once the idealization of our partner has passed, we realize that he has defects along with his virtues, that we have different tastes and concerns, that our desires are opposite, and all of this, sometimes, generates discrepancies, as well as boredom due to monotony.

However, we see the other person we have met and that attracts us like someone fresh, new, disturbing, attractive, interesting, motivating.

Confuse friendship with love

The monotony of our relationship can lead us to look for other things outside the relationship, but it is necessary to be very careful and not think that we are dealing with love, when in reality we are dealing with a friendship.

When we feel attracted to someone new, we go through the infatuation phase, We fantasize about its qualities and do not see its defects. We don’t know what that person is really like, what living with them would be like. We may be confusing friendship with love.

The negative aspects of our partner

In a crisis phase with our partner in which we have met someone new, we are going to see all the possible defects of our partner, All those manias that seemed charming to us will now seem hateful.we may think that he is a boring, unbearable person, etc.

What to do when another person appears?

We are attracted to another person, we see all the flaws in our partner, we need a changewe know it and we ask ourselves: What do I do?

1.- Analyze well what you feel about the new person who has entered your life

You may feel passion, friendship, love, a need for something new.

2.- Examine in detail what you feel for your partner

There may be something wrong and it’s time to talk about it. Communication is essential in a couple, many times what we keep silent about hurts us forever.

Although at the moment of meeting a new person you only see the negative of your partner, it is necessary to make an effort to see the positive, to remember why we liked that person, what attracted us to them.

3.- Take your time to think

Maybe you need some time alone, to reflect, to get to know yourself and make peace with yourself. Loneliness is a good advisor.

4.- Talk to your partner

Tell him everything that worries you, what you need to change, share your emotions.

And above all things: Be happy!