For confusing situations, a dose of focus shift three times a day.

“Write about something else, change the focus, don’t talk about yourself, put yourself aside, preserve yourself, write about other people’s lives”.

Well, obviously the fact that I’m transcribing a conversation with myself shows that I’m not fully capable of not writing about myself, or things that surround my life. But I promise I’ll control myself a lot and try… Change the focus!

When I was 11 years old, I was a little down on account of a boy at school I liked, but who liked someone else. Okay, okay, it doesn’t matter that I was very young, I was feeling it, so what’s to be done?! I wish all my amorous sufferings had been like this!

The point is that at the time my sister had a boyfriend who gave me the following advice: “Whatever you do, don’t listen to music”. Advice, of course, which I totally ignored, given my most complete ignorance in matters of the heart. I heard music (possibly from Xuxa, since I was 11 years old!) and I cried looking in the mirror, imagining that they would never love me. Hahaha, I’m feeling pretty ridiculous right now.

But that’s not the point yet, hehe. You know what it is? People make suffering worse. A pain hurts 100 times more because we go there and listen to the damn “our song”, because we identify ourselves in the choruses that match perfectly for another 100 thousand people suffering for love or anything else at that exact moment, because we dramatize (me, leonine, especially) life.

We go to the tarot, the whelks, the horoscope in the classifieds, we go to talk to people who say exactly that comforting and highly suicidal thing that we need to hear, we watch those sheets-soaking movies and we take various other sadomasochistic measures that make us let’s feel, how do you say it? “The Bandit’s Horse Poop”.

So this time I embraced with great affection (and feeling like the wisest person in the world), the advice to change focus and not think about my problem at the moment, since in the midst of turmoil it is impossible to make a sensible decision.

We need to sit outside for a bit, watch the dust settle and see where the screws need to be tightened after the hurricane.

Sometimes some strategies work well for me… Will they work for you too?

I don’t listen to songs. I don’t even dare to choose a neutral playlist, because in the middle of it there will always be a trigger stanza for that dormant pain in the chest.

I don’t talk to other people about the problem. Talking relives the pain, relives the hurts, relives the memories, potentiates the longing and puts everything down. It was my decision, I must bear the consequences of keeping my mouth shut and only open it when feelings are mature enough to be exposed.

I try not to relive memories. Places, photos, food, nothing that purposely reminds me of what needs to stay in the corner of my mind.

SEE ALSO: I’m tired of waiting for you to change

I hear things that refer to other dimensions. I’ve found this to be a great way to not think about anything other than what’s happening at that moment. I have enjoyed listening to reflections on Zen Buddhism (which is very useful to me), which has helped me a lot to maintain a serene outlook on my own life.

I pay attention to other people’s lives. No, no, no! I’m not a gossip. But if I’m on the bus, for example, in that tight huddle, looking out the window, I’m going to think about myself. Therefore, I strain my ears to pay attention to any dialogue, syrup recipes, rants about the boyfriend and anything else that, at that moment, takes me out of myself.

I dedicate myself to the other lives that surround me. My children, my relatives, friends, co-workers, there are so many lives around mine that being busy with them helps me unwind mine.

I read. Reading has in me the power to transport me to that world inside the pages. There is no way to focus on anything other than reading, if you really want to understand the text.

I stay away from potential comforters. If the pain is from love, they say that with another love we heal. Perhaps. But maybe you get screwed even more and worse, hurt someone who arrived full of love to give. Or become easy prey for ravenous wolves. When in doubt, keep your pillow, soft, harmless and that still dries your tears. Besides, we don’t always want another love, just learn to manage those with which life surprises us.

I don’t listen (any more) advice. You want something to confuse people’s minds, it’s the council. If you talk to 10 different people, the 10 will give you convincing arguments that will eventually lead you to a psychiatrist.

But I confess that I had the bad habit of opening my life to anyone who would listen. Until another day, by the way. This gives other people the freedom to interfere with your decisions once you’ve built them into the problem. And there is no person in the world who knows better than you what you are going through. So why on earth do we open our mouths and hearts out there?

SEE ALSO: Every woman deserves praise

Finally, serene… I reflect on my life, of course. And from the outside I can see that there is no problem. There is a life going on, choices, consequences, things I can resolve and work on, things that are out of my league and a waste of energy.

Change the focus, leave the scene, think about other things… And here I am thinking about the things I do to not think about my things. Doesn’t it seem like a paradox to you?

But trust me, it can work… It’s not about not feeling or resolving. Just delay a little what at the height of inflammation cannot be cured.

Aaahh, and I write. Because when I run out of words… I write! Sometimes we need to overflow!

Luciana Marques

SEE TOO:

It’s the differences that make the perfect couple.