FOBU: the fear of breaking up with your partner

When a relationship brings more suffering than well-being or simply, love has faded, the most logical thing is to end it and turn the page. Now, it’s not always easy to finish. There are people who experience real fear just by thinking about it. They suffer from what is called FOBU, terror of breaking up with someone.

The acronym FOBU comes from Fear of breaking up (fear of leaving a relationship). It is a behavioral pattern that is repeated in people of any age and social condition, although it is true that generation Y or Millennials are more vulnerable to this phenomenon.

Tinder, WhatsApp or Instagram are the new platforms that are usually used to flirt. There are thousands of cases of couples who, in fact, have never seen each other face to face.

This lack of physical communication is a double-edged sword: on the one hand it softens the blows; On the other hand, it makes young people more vulnerable. They take longer than their parents and grandparents to face certain life traumas, which They are necessary for adequate mental and emotional development. Hence, these ages are more vulnerable to FOBU.

Why does FOBU occur?

FOBU is mainly caused by low self-esteem, the fear of being alone and, ultimately, of starting over. When a relationship is toxic and we feel trapped, any attempt at independence means a world, despite being suffering. If we have been involved in it for a long time, breaking everything would mean a drastic change.

The routine we are accustomed to keeps us in a bittersweet comfort zone. Having a close relationship with your family and friends and thinking about ending all that destroys us. What will they think of us? with what face they will look at us on the street or think about never having contact with those with whom we have become attached These are just some of our fears.

When a relationship ends, the person who makes the move usually feels deserving and guilty of all the pain that the breakup causes. We hate hurting others, we feel like executioners and we choose to punish ourselves for weeks. We also know that we are also going to suffer, and that makes us even more afraid. Our life becomes a spiral of doubts and stress, because we do not know how to face the problem.

Another of the great causes of FOBU is not knowing how to be alone. Needing the approval and presence of another in our life makes it impossible for us to consider ending it. We prefer to be unhappy and live a miserable existence, rather than face what we already know: that we no longer want to be with that person.

How can I overcome my FOBU?

The only way to overcome FOBU is to face the situation. Being brave is very difficult, but sometimes it is the only way to achieve our own happiness. It is of no use to us to remain in a place where suffering is greater than well-being.

If the relationship has been healthy and true, but the flame of love has gone out, the logical thing is to be honest with the other person. Remember that you may not be in love anymore, but one day you were. Thus, the other deserves the maximum possible respect. Deceiving him into believing that there is still love between you is, in addition to being cowardly, very selfish.

However, If the relationship has been toxic and dependent, ending it is a priority for your mental health. Deserve to be respected, valued and loved by people who feel the same way. Enslaving yourself to suffering and pain will only undermine your self-esteem and lead you to a dead end.

One way or another, keep in mind that doubts and regrets will assail you. Your life is going to change, and you will surely miss many things, especially the feeling of feeling accompanied, even if you have experienced a toxic relationship. Even, There will be days when you feel alone and the thought of getting back with your ex hits you.but it is not your heart that speaks, but the lack of habit.

Talk to a specialist

If the fear of being alone or of breaking up with your partner begins to affect you in an abnormal way, consult a specialist. You may have developed a pathology caused by a traumatic event. related (previous breakups) or that you need to improve your self-esteem.

Respecting and valuing oneself is essential in these cases. You need to love yourself enough to know how to end something that no longer fulfills you or does you no good. What other people think should be irrelevant to you.

Decide and act

Don’t let too much time pass if you know you are a victim of FOBU. This feeling will catch you more and more and prevent you from making a decision.

Now, when you have finally decided to leave the relationship, keep in mind that the other person may not react well. Either because you have broken his heart or because he wants to keep you under his dominion at all costs. The most important thing is that you protect yourself, especially in the latter case.

After communicating your decision, get away from the other person for a while. Although it may seem like an insensitive position, it is necessary. Be mature and accept the consequences of your actions, but always be clear that the world is not ending. Maybe This decision is the best that can happen to you.

You might be interested…