The differences between love and passion, which is more important?

Sometimes, it is difficult to understand the differences between love and passion. When you fall in love with someone, these feelings blind you and drag you down; Everything is effervescent and emotions are chaotic. Desire, need, affection, complicity, happiness and infinite butterflies in the stomach. How to decipher in millimeter detail what you feel? It is a challenge, without a doubt.

Today, gurus in this matter, such as Dr. John Gottman, have their own “laboratory of love.” Something they point out to us is that passion loses intensity over time. The true foundation of a relationship will always be affection. Next, we suggest you delve a little deeper into the topic.

4 differences between love and passion

The anthropologist Helen Fisher points out in her book why we love (2004) that Passion can last between 18 months and 3 years. Does this mean that the relationship stops making sense when this component is no longer so intense? Absolutely. Happy and lasting sexual-affective bonds are nourished by mature love, affection and commitment. That is the alloy that unites everything.

Now, it is true that Passion and love are two words that almost always arise in the same context. It is common for them to be diluted and it is difficult to separate one territory from the other. However, there are very limited differences that are important to understand. That way, you will be able to better enjoy and attend to this important emotional and neurochemical universe. Take note.

1. Emotional nature: what is each one?

Love is a deep and lasting feeling in which affection, care and commitment are integrated.. Likewise, the most notable thing about this dimension is the way it varies over time. You usually go from passionate love to that more stable, close and calm feeling.

Now, a work published in the Indian Journal of Endocrinology and Metabolism affects something nuclear. You are facing an emotional experience governed by a cocktail of neuropeptides and neurotransmitters. You cannot separate what you experience from that biological tissue where oxytocin or serotonin drive and mediate such a feeling.

On the other hand, The nature of passion is more ephemeral and involves sexual desire and attraction towards someone. It is a more impulsive experience that usually varies in intensity over the months or years.

2. The components that make them up

The differences between passion or love are also based on the components that make them up. To better understand these spheres and their delimitations, we recommend reading the art of loving (1956) by Erich Fromm. Something you will understand in this work is that, if you love, The main driving force that integrates it is care. Let’s see more details.

Areas that make up love

Love draws a kaleidoscope of emotions, cognitions and behaviors that invite you to protect and care for that relationship because it is meaningful to you. Beyond the sexual aspect, There is an authentic desire to create a common project. Therefore, these areas are present:

AffectionFriendshipRespectCareCommitmentResponsibilityEmotional intimacy

Areas that make up passion

Passion can appear without love existing, That’s another of their differences. What there is in this sphere is a physical attraction modulated by a neurochemical conjunction that promotes, above all, sexual desire. Generally, it is made up of the following characteristics:

Sexual desireRomanticismPhysical attractionPhysical intimacyEuphoria and excitementNeed to be together

3. Durability

Passion can last up to three years and love lasts much longer. This is something that, perhaps, you have already verified throughout your sexual-affective experience.

That passionate affection and sexual desire loses intensity as the bond progresses and consolidates. Now, this does not mean that it disappears completely. Let’s look at the associated phases:

Infatuation and passion: The emotions are intense and overwhelming. There are butterflies in the stomach, constant thoughts about the person you love, and an idealization of the relationship. This phase can be impulsive and passionate.Building intimacy: As the relationship progresses, an authentic, deeper emotional connection is built. Thoughts, feelings, dreams are shared and trust is developed. An article in Frontiers in Psychology notes that intimacy and passion continue to reinforce each other at this stage.Commitment: It is a phase in which couples make conscious decisions about their long-term relationship. This may include commitments such as exclusivity, cohabitation or marriage.Lasting love: As time passes, passion reduces, but love can mature into a more lasting, calm and deep feeling, based on commitment, trust and emotional connection.

4. The relational approach

When you love you worry about the well-being and happiness of your partner. What’s more, sometimes, you do it to the point of prioritizing the needs of others above your own. Few feelings are more overwhelming than love. Suddenly, that person becomes a luminous planet that you can’t help but gravitate towards. And that this is so is completely understandable.

People are emotional beings oriented toward bonding. We need those stable ties to feel validated, protected and fulfilled with someone in a common project. However, is the same thing true for passion? The truth is that no. The passionate feeling focuses, above all, on the satisfaction of sexual desires.

Passion or love, which is more important?

Regardless of their differences, which is more decisive, passion or love? It should be noted that both enrich and pump up any relationship. We could say that, while the latter is the music that gives meaning to everything, the former is that dance couple that appears with greater intensity in the initial stages. Feeling that physical, almost blinding desire for the other is part of the very evolution of every emotional bond.

Now, there is a nuance. Although passion is what ignites attraction, It is mature and committed love that will sustain the durability of the bond. In this sense, it is important that you find a healthy balance between both spheres, so the magic is not lost and the affection is stainless to face any challenge.

On the other hand, it is convenient that you remember something. It all also depends on the type of relationship you are in. If you have an open relationship based only on sex, keep in mind that harboring deeper feelings can be a problem.

How to balance love with passion?

Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships provides important information. The couple can increase their passion through self-expansion experiences. What does this mean? When you discover new things about your loved one, the desire is fueled again. Passion and love can last over time. We explain how.

New experiences: Traveling, learning a new skill together, or engaging in stimulating activities is a proposition worth trying.Surprises and romantic gestures: Surprising your partner with something unexpected, such as gifts, dinners or getaways, is another very enriching factor.Mutual care and support: Love and passion are also built by taking care of others, by being that pillar to lean on in good and bad times.Time for you: Although it is essential to spend time together, it is also decisive to take care of yourself, promote your personal development and attend to your individuality.Cultivate friendship: In addition to passion, it is important to know how to build a solid friendship in the relationship. This complicit bond provides a solid foundation for lasting love and passion.Quality time together: You have to avoid falling into routine. To do this, do not hesitate to plan regular dates with your partner, romantic getaways or propose different and stimulating activities.Sexual exploration: Physical intimacy can be rekindled in many ways. It is key to talk about sexual desires and fantasies, to be willing to experiment and explore erotic games together, for example.Demonstrations of affection: As Erich Fromm said, love is an art that must be cared for daily with gestures of affection, with care and concern for the other. All this keeps the spark of passion alive.Open and honest communication: Empathic and respectful dialogue is the structure that gives strength to an emotional bond. Talking about wants, needs, expectations, and concerns openly and honestly strengthens the emotional connection.

Being a couple, an art that requires effort

You can find your partner through the magic of chance, but keeping them requires constant effort. What you love requires commitment and that daily work with which, knowing how to build a common project. Now, it is true that, in that space formed between two, passion fluctuates and for this to happen is completely normal.

It will never be the same as in those early stages, but it is possible to encourage it in multiple ways. Despite this, the most decisive variable is knowing how to attend to love and see it as a flower that must be cared for so that it does not wither. Its nutrients are good communication, respect and affection. It is a shared task that can never be left aside.

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