Exes who are friends: how good is it?

Much is said about It is not the healthiest or most convenient thing to remain friends with our ex.. This is because there are possibilities of relapsing or continuing in a dynamic that is not beneficial to us in the long term, even if the type of relationship has changed.

Some claim that it is better to cut things short and build, from the breakup, a life in which our former partner has no space.. On the other hand, there are those who think differently and defend that a person with whom you have hit it off can continue to provide you with positive things in another type of relationship.

But what is the correct position? Let’s delve into it.

Reasons why it is not good to remain friends with our ex

The truth is There is no definitive answer to the question of whether it is good to maintain a friendship with our ex.. Well, this will depend on many factors, such as: the quality of the relationship when they were still a couple, the circumstances of the breakup, the reasons why a friendship is sought, the feelings involved, etc.

Now, there are some particular circumstances where it is clear that a friendship with our ex-partner is not a good idea. These are:

If there was abuse in the relationship

If you had a toxic relationship, it is not advisable to remain friends with your ex. Especially if you were a victim of any type of abuse or mistreatment (whether physical, psychological, sexual or economic). Well, you shouldn’t continue relating to someone who has hurt you.

If there are unrequited feelings

On the other hand, we all know that the fact that a relationship has ended does not necessarily imply that love, understood from a romantic perspective, has disappeared from the hearts that formed the couple. If the feelings are shared, the most common thing is that the couple returns. Unless circumstances such as the one mentioned above have occurred.

But, If the feelings are not mutual, the friendship tends to get complicated. The person you love is often torn between getting closer and moving away. Her feelings prompt her to stay close to her former partner, but the feeling of having been the person she abandoned separates her from him. For this reason, these types of endings usually ruin any attempt at friendship.

If the breakup is very recent

After separation, it is important that each member of the couple has their space to heal wounds, overcome the old relationship and get used to being without the other. Therefore, It is not advisable to consider being friends immediately after the breakup.especially if it was painful, because nothing good usually comes from this decision.

For this there are no standard periods, everyone experiences the separation and overcomes it at their own pace; therefore, make sure keep your distance until each person feels ready for a future friendship.

Notably This does not apply to those relationships where there was abuse.. In these circumstances, it is best not to resume contact with that person. Well, if he was able to hurt us a lot once, it is likely that he will do it again in the future.

Is there anything positive about being friends with our ex?

Of course there may be. A romantic love that comes to an end does not mean that all ties with that person end. In fact, people who have loved each other at some point usually continue to love each other, even if they change the way they do it. In other words, someone who is important usually doesn’t stop being important, whether contact is maintained or not.

Now, be friends with our ex It will be positive as long as we take time to heal wounds and overcome unrequited feelings.. Establishing a friendship with someone with whom we feel romantic love is not always easy, so it is important to be free of those emotions that may hurt us in the future.

Being friends with your ex: what science says

Establishing a friendship with our ex is a more common occurrence than you think.. This is demonstrated by a study carried out by psychologists at the University of Kansas, whose main researcher, Rebeca Griffith, states that “remaining friends with your ex is a very pervasive phenomenon in society.”

However, Just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s positive.because these friendships are not always successful.

In this regard, the researchers discovered that The reason why people decide to remain friends after the breakup is related to the length and quality of the friendship.. In this case, they found four main reasons why someone decides to remain friends with his ex, these are:

Security: The person decides to establish a friendship with their ex-partner because he or she does not want to lose their ex’s emotional support, advice, or trust.Practicality: This includes several reasons that are practical for the members of the couple, such as economic reasons, raising children, etc.Courtesy: implies being courteous and not hurting the other’s feelings.Maintain certain romantic feelings towards the ex-partnerto.

Based on these reasons, the researchers found that people who decided to continue the friendship for practical reasons were the most successful. Well, these friendships have lasted a long time and were considered successful by the participants (which meant that the relationship of friends made a person feel happy and secure).

For their part, the reasons associated with safety also tended to be more positive.

Instead, unresolved romantic desires were more associated with the experience of negative feelings within the friendship but, paradoxically, they were also related to longer friendships over time. Just as Griffith states, “even though you are not reaping any benefits from the friendship, it tends to last longer.”

What to do when our partner is the one who maintains a friendship with his ex?

Now, we already said that establishing a friendship with our ex can be positive. But What happens when our current partner is friends with his or her ex??

Most people tend to be uncomfortable with this scenario, and it is quite understandable to feel jealous in this situation. However, The most advisable thing is to act as mature as possible and not make a drama out of it.

In second place, We must objectively analyze what that friendship relationship is like, understand the reasons that lead them to remain friends and know how to differentiate the limits. For this we advise you:

Talk assertively with your partner when you feel uncomfortable. Ideally, these dialogues will help dispel your doubts about that relationship and clarify its nature.Set healthy boundaries. This means not having control over your partner and prohibiting them from hooking up with their ex. On the contrary, it means that you have the right to have any misunderstandings and each other’s intentions clarified.

Final thoughts

To conclude, we emphasize that maintaining contact with an old partner is a personal decision that entails risks and can cause conflict, but it can also be a great source of wealth and happiness, although not in the same way as before. Without fixed rules or universal guidelines for conduct, you are the one who must make this decision.

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