“Enemies” a stressful figure at work

“Friends” are those figures that we find in every work environment and with whom we establish an ambivalent relationship. We can get along with them, work alongside them and have cordial conversations. However, it is impossible for us to trust them because something tells us that at the slightest chance they can betray us.

There is an internal voice that tells us over and over again “be careful, watch your back.” They are personalities that run in that space of gray in human relationships and that we all know. Because if there is one thing that most of us are clear about, it is that it is very easy to identify genuine friends, those who bring us light and well-being. We also have our enemies well classified at the opposite extreme.

Now, those who are in the center already bring us another type of complexity that is difficult to define. They are profiles that, although they are not as threatening as an enemy, do not stand out as allies and accomplices in everyday life. Frenemies are men and women who may be friendly today and criticize us behind our backs tomorrow.…

Who are the “frenemies”?

One can live with frenemies, but know that at any moment they will look out for their own interests and betray us. It is common to have them as co-workers, although they can also be a friend and even a member of our family.. They are those figures that gravitate around us and with whom we collide from time to time.

Something we must understand about these types of social ties is that they are not harmless. The psychological impact they can have on our health is quite intense and even harmful at times. Aesop said very correctly in his fables that a doubtful friend is much worse than a sure enemy.. We don’t know what to expect and insecurity, like mistrust, makes us feel like we are moving forward on shifting ground.

It is interesting to know that psychology has recently focused its attention on these “gray areas” of our social relationships. Those who are neither friends nor enemies have proven to be very harmful, according to scientific research. We analyze it .

We cannot run away from all the people who generate distrust in us.

When we talk about those people who bring us more worries than moments of calm, it is common for more than one person to say that “it is best to distance ourselves.” However, this is not always possible. We live in evolved social ecologies in which we are forced to coexist with each other.

Likewise, another obvious phenomenon appears. Frenemies are the most frequent social figures in our daily lives. Good friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand and enemies are also usually quite rare.. The social ties of this gray and ambivalent area, on the other hand, are more frequent and they also generate very complex feelings of love/hate in us.

There are co-workers with whom we live more or less. Those with whom we achieve goals and even go out to dinner with them one day. However, we are clear that these people criticize us behind our backs from time to time, and that if they can, they will betray us to achieve a promotion. These are situations that inevitably generate high stress in us.

The frenemies are our competitors

One of the most interesting books about human behavior, our social relationships and evolution is Evolutionary Psychology: The new science of the mind by David M. Buss. In this work he explains to us that Frenemies are a common phenomenon in human nature, because we are social creatures that compete with each other.

That is, people can be both allies and enemies, and this appears in almost any scenario. Siblings can love each other, but they can also end up rivaling each other at some point. The same thing happens in certain friendships. However, where the phenomenon of frenemies manifests itself most is in work environments due to the evident context of competitiveness.

This means that, on average, these men and women always try to maintain a friendly attitude towards us. They know that it is always better to go ahead, maintain harmony and appearances. However, We are very aware that this closeness is interested and imposed and that deep down resentment, hypervigilance and even jealousy navigate.

Ambivalent relationships generate stress

Frenemies are our main sources of stress at work. We must understand that If there is something that human beings need, it is to have social ties based on trust. When this does not appear, is not perceived and is non-existent in any relationship, we are always alert.

Research work, such as those carried out at Brigham Young University, focuses on how Ambivalent relationships affect our physical and psychological health. Working with someone who criticizes us behind our backs, but then praises us and invites us to lunch is exhausting. Having a family member or friend whom we appreciate, but who from time to time ignores us or lies to us, ends up exhausting us mentally and emotionally.

And we insist, the solution is not always as simple as putting distance from these controversial and ambivalent figures. In many cases, we are forced to gravitate, to move around it. Relational uncertainty, not knowing how certain people will act, not being able to trust those around us is a common phenomenon that is not talked about enough.

We are obliged, no matter what, to live with and manage our frenemies or frenemies. Reducing our expectations of them and safeguarding our emotional limits is key to neutralizing ourselves. and stay afloat.

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