Avoidant personality in emotional relationships: how to deal with it?

Have you ever had a partner who seemed very interested in you, but with whom it was impossible to have a firm, healthy commitment? Distrustful, insecure, cold at times, resentful most of the time and poor managers of the emotional universe… The avoidant personality in emotional relationships constitutes a form of suffering for which we are not always prepared.

It is true that those more and those less can demonstrate a certain insecurity in relational matters. However, when we encounter someone with clearly avoidant, distrustful, and even hypervigilant behavior, we may be facing a personality disorder. These are undoubtedly situations of great impact and wear and tear, both for the person themselves and for the environment.

They are figures that do not validate feelings, that raise walls and destroy alliances. Furthermore, when faced with any problem or difficulty during the relationship, the response they will always give is distancing. This coldness in behavior and affection traces a type of highly painful experiences. Thus, and as striking as it may seem to us, This type of characteristic affects between 3 and 5% of the population. We delve into it.

Characteristics of the avoidant personality in emotional relationships

If you are looking for a partner with whom you can establish a good emotional connection and also with whom you can team up to grow together for the future, it is better not to commit to someone who shows this profile. The avoidant personality in emotional relationships can fit someone who is very independent, to those who do not seek to establish a great attachment or a very significant connection.

Obviously, the latter is rarely feasible or desirable. Because if there is something we long for in every couple, it is that committed, affectionate, enriching alliance that gives happiness. However, someone with avoidant personality disorder finds it very difficult to develop healthy relationships. It’s more, They are the typical figures that play “Now I love you, now I don’t love you, now I need you, now I want to put distance”. And something like that, as we well know, is maddening.

Let’s see, however, what characteristics define the avoidant personality in emotional relationships.

How to identify the avoidant partner?

When we talk about a person with avoidant behavior, we are not just describing someone who avoids us. This is a more complex condition that generally defines a psychiatric entity: avoidant personality disorder, described in Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5).

In this way, studies such as those carried out at the University of Berlin indicate that We are dealing with people with marked anxiety, social inhibition, indecision, feelings of inadequacy and hypersensitivity.…They are also very stable traits and often have a genetic basis. All of this has a great impact on a relational level:

They are overly concerned about being rejected. This makes them distrustful and very susceptible. They feel hurt very easily, to the point that the other person does not know how to act so as not to hurt the other.They never fully commit or open up their feelings, affections, and wills. to share authentic intimacy. They do not like new or unexpected situations. So it can be complicated, for example, for them to take the step to meet the couple’s family. Also to carry out activities other than routine ones. They do not take risks. So they will rarely do anything really brave or meaningful for their partner.They don’t know how to reach agreements, They process any discrepancy between the couple as a threat and distance themselves.They do not validate emotions. If the other person expresses their feelings to you, they will rarely express theirs.

How to manage these relationships marked by avoidance?

The avoidant personality in emotional relationships causes suffering. It is evidence. Now, does this mean that what we should do immediately is walk away?

The truth is that it is always good to give that person a chance. We can do it through a clear strategy. If we are aware that after these demands there is no progress and coexistence is unhappy, then yes, we will make a decision.

Let us understand, therefore, what dimensions we can carry out to deal with the avoidant personality.

Ask him to seek specialized help

Something we should know about the avoidant personality is that, In many cases, they may be dealing with a traumatic childhood, depression and anxiety. It is important that the person takes the step to seek specialized help.

Something that undoubtedly defines these figures is suffering, hypervigilance, emotional insecurity, fear of being criticized, rejected… Psychological help will allow them to reach a state to feel better about themselves. Because when someone feels good about themselves, they are able to establish healthier emotional relationships.

Make it clear that this behavior has consequences

Avoidant behavior and “Today I need you and tomorrow I walk away” It is not legal in a relationship. It is important that the other person is clear that their behavior creates voids. Doubts, mistrust, emotional distance and that emotional mismanagement is harmful and no one should tolerate that suffering. It is important to clarify to the other that this behavior will generate a breakup.

If what you want is to safeguard that emotional relationship, you need to act differently. If they show us changes in behavior, wills and commitments, that bond will have possibilities.

Now, we must also be clear about one aspect. We all have a limit. If the only thing we get from that complicated relationship is a distressing lifelessness, it is better to distance ourselves. However, let us keep in mind that the best thing to do is to first encourage you to seek the help of an expert. Change may be possible.

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