Doubts before marriage: what can I do?

The fact that doubts appear before marriage is quite normal. There are few who take the step 100% confident, free of concerns, oblivious to the possible challenges that may arise in the short and long term. Now, does this mean that it would be better to back off when these types of concerns arise in our minds? No, not always. It is enough to keep them in mind and delve into them.

In this way, although it is true that Feeling certain concerns before taking the definitive step may be normal, the most important thing is to address them. Somehow, we have been made to believe that when one says yes definitively to their relationship, they do so fully convinced and sure of themselves, when in reality this is not true in all cases.

Voltaire once said that doubt is not a pleasant state of mind, it is true, but absolute certainty is ridiculous. Therefore, many of those ideas that pass through your mind months or days before the link must be considered. It is a necessary reflection exercise that can help us, without a doubt, to strengthen security in what we are going to do.

Doubts before marriage: causes and action strategies

Research and scientific literature related to doubts before marriage tell us something striking.. Many people know that they don’t feel ready for that step, but they still don’t act accordingly. An example, in a research carried out at the University of California, with 464 people, they affirm that a good part of those who had doubts before the marriage ended up divorcing 4 years later.

Thus, Justin Lavner, the lead author of the study, highlights the following: Often, we think that it is completely normal to get married even if we have doubts. We tell ourselves that “everyone has them” and that, therefore, we should not give it importance. Now, assuming this idea is a complete mistake. Marriage means giving way to a commitment for which we are not always prepared and this is neither good nor bad. It is a reality that must be addressed with maturity and objectivity.

Let’s dig a little deeper.

Why do doubts arise before the link?

This is an interesting question: why does someone have doubts before marriage? Well, in reality, doubts, worries or concerns do not arise just before saying yes at the altar or in a court, since They are usually present during courtship. However, these become more obvious and incisive before the link for the following reasons:

You become aware of the future, of the challenges that may arise in the future and whether that person will be the right one to overcome them with us.One also reflects on what coexistence will be like throughout the life cycle, in old age, for example. We also think about personal and professional projects. We wonder if marriage will harmonize with those plans or hinder them.“Is this the person of my life? Is it the definitive one? What if there is someone waiting for me somewhere else capable of making me happier? These are other questions that many often ask themselves. In addition, past moments are usually remembered. When one gets engaged and is immersed in wedding preparations, they usually think about the complicated moments that have been experienced in the relationship. We wonder if those differences, those nuances of character or that personality of the couple will worsen over the years.

If doubts appear in your marriage, what aspects should you attend to?

There are those who decide to get married because it is the next step to courtship. Sometimes, family pressure is what drives this decision, which is not always well thought out.. On other occasions, the wedding is carried out on impulse, with little thought. To do something new, fun and perhaps give a new boost to the relationship.

All of this is, indeed, a notable error. Thus, in case doubts arise before marriage, it is important to consider the following questions:

How is the communication with my partner? Being able to reach agreements, feel heard, understood, perceive that there is full emotional connection in communication is an indisputable pillar.Do we have common values ​​and purposes? Maintaining the same existential values, agreeing on certain purposes and future plans is also key.Emotional support and daily affection. Emotional support, empathy, knowing that you are part of the other and receiving their attention, affection and care is essential. Knowing that the other cares about us is undoubtedly a nutrient in the relationship.Ability to solve problems together. This is undoubtedly a decisive tool to know if our marriage can work.Trust. If this dimension is not present, the relationship will inevitably fray.love and sex. Sometimes we put these two dimensions first when we think about the success of a relationship. However, although decisive and essential, they must be accompanied by all the previous dimensions.

To conclude, only one aspect is worth highlighting: If we have doubts before marriage, it is advisable to address them. Sometimes, by thinking about them and resolving our doubts, we take the step with greater security and happiness.

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