The punishment of indifference

Indifference is a form of psychological aggression. It is turning someone invisible, canceling them emotionally and vetoing their need for social connection to take them to a limbo of authentic emptiness and suffering. This practice, as we already know, abounds in excess in many of our contexts: we see it in schools, in relationships with couples, families and even among groups of friends.

Lack of communication, avoidance, express emptiness, coldness in treatment… We could give a thousand examples of how the practice of indifference is carried out, and yet, The effect is always the same: pain and suffering. The pain of that child who, sitting in a corner of the yard, sees how he is ignored by the rest of his classmates. And also the suffering of that couple who, from one day to the next, perceives how their loved one stops showing the emotional correspondence they used to.

No one is prepared to inhabit that social void where others pass through us as if we were a formless entity. Our emotions, our needs and our own presence are there and demand attention, they crave affection and respect. That is, being visible to the rest of the world. How to deal with these situations?

Indifference, social invisibility and emotional pain

The definition of indifference is at first glance quite simple: it denotes lack of interest, concern and even lack of feeling. Now, beyond the dictionary definitions are the psychological implications. There are, so to speak, those personal universes where there are certain words with more relevance than others. The term “indifference”, for example, is undoubtedly one of the most traumatic.

Thus, there are those who do not hesitate to say that the opposite of life is not death but the lack of concern, and that absolute void of feelings that give shape, of course, to indifference. We cannot forget that our brains are the result of evolution, where social connection and belonging to a group have made us survive and advance as a species.

Interacting, communicating, being accepted, valued and appreciated places us in the world. These very basic processes from a relational point of view make us visible not only to our environment, but also to ourselves. This is how we shape our self-esteem, just as we also shape our identity. Lacking these nutrients generates serious consequences, implications that need to be known. Let’s see them.

Indifference generates strong mental tension

People need to “read” in others what we mean to them. We need certainties and not doubts. We crave reinforcements, gestures of appreciation, looks that welcome, smiles that share complicity and positive emotions.

All of this gives shape to that non-verbal communication where those emotions that we like to perceive in our loved ones on a daily basis are embedded. Not seeing them, perceiving only one cold attitude, causes anxiety, stress and mental tension.

Confusion

Indifference in turn generates another type of exhausting dynamic, namely, a basic mechanism in human consciousness is broken: the mechanism of action and reaction. Every time we act in a certain way, we expect the other person to react accordingly.

Although sometimes this reaction is not what we expected, the total absence of it is very difficult to understand. Communication becomes impossible and the attempt to interact becomes forced and exhausting. All of this confuses us and plunges us into a state of worry and suffering.

Causes low self-esteem

By not obtaining any type of response or reinforcement from other people, any feedback we may have is cut off.. In the stages of personality formation, this can seriously impact self-image. It is likely that the person who has received indifference in these stages will come to believe that it is not worth interacting with them, giving rise to strong insecurity.

Indifference prevents effective communication

It is precisely this lack of reinforcement when it comes to relating that makes communication difficult. While one party tries to reach out to the other (verbally or behaviorally), the other refuses to respond. Therefore, a barrier is erected where messages do not flow or are exchanged.

How to react to someone who treats me with indifference?

People, as social beings who are endowed with emotional needs, aspire to establish a relationship of constant interaction with our loved ones: family, friends and partner. If at any given moment we begin to perceive silence, emptiness, coldness and unconcern, our brain (and specifically our amygdala) will panic.. It will warn us of a threat, of a deep and obvious fear: that of realizing that we are no longer loved or appreciated.

The most reasonable thing in these situations is to understand what is happening. This emotional disconnection always has an origin and as such must be clarified so that we can act accordingly. If there is a problem we will face it, if there is a misunderstanding we will solve it, if there is heartbreak we will accept it and try to move forward.

Likewise, there is an aspect that needs to be considered. Indifference long projected onto someone specifically or a group is a form of abuse. Even more, In a study carried out at the University of California, it was shown that this type of dynamic based on exclusion and lack of concern generates pain and anguish.. It is a suffering that transcends our emotions to also reach our body.

The last resort: walk away

If fighting for that relationship, if investing more time and effort in that or those people brings us the same result, the healthiest thing would be to walk away. If you perceive that these harmful consequences (exhaustion, low self-esteem, etc.) are already “installing” themselves in you, it is urgent that you give up having a close relationship with those people and seek proximity to others for whom you are important.

Join groups where you are listened to and your way of being is valued. Breaking a relationship of indifference will give you a new perspective on the world and enhance your development.

You might be interested…