Do children harm the relationship? |

People’s lives are all made of cycles. Usually the transition from one cycle to another is done gradually. Transformations do not happen overnight, they “continue to happen” until they are definitively established. It’s like this from childhood to adolescence, to adult life, to maturity and old age. But there are things for which there is no preparation, they just happen and it is the day-to-day that teaches us how to transit through the news.

Marriage is like this: no matter how much mothers, aunts, grandmothers and friends fill us with advice and no matter how much we have the example of our parents, each experience is unique. We know our partner well, but we will realize that there is a universe to be discovered in each one’s quirks, tastes and habits. Everything adjusts little by little until the couple has its own dynamic.

This period of adjustments and recognition can be understood as another phase of courtship. Intimacy gains strength and one realizes that being together every day can be a lot of fun and at the same time very instructive. Division of tasks, expenses, negotiating outings, respecting space and individuality, all of this is part of a learning experience and takes the couple to another level of maturity. Usually what happens after a while – and each couple has their time – is the desire to have children.

A new phase of marriage begins and we can say that the couple begins to “date” the idea. Pregnancy is a period that prepares the couple for the idea of ​​having a baby. But having a baby inside your body is obviously completely different from having one in your arms.

Everything in a relationship can always promote the deepening of emotions and complicity – and children are part of this process.

The couple undergoes another adaptation, the familiar routine is transformed and the sense of responsibility takes on a new outline. We hear many phrases that can be completely discouraging: “Children disturb the harmony of the couple”, “Everything revolves around the children”, “After the children, our intimacy was never the same”.

How about thinking about “transformation”? Of course, the relationship is transformed and the couple can also learn to date the new domestic scenario, continuing the eternal learning process. Where can we cast a generous gaze that opens new doors to welcome the presence of children in our lives with joy and satisfaction?

Don’t believe you know everything. In fact, we know almost nothing and it is important to listen to your partner’s considerations. You will have even more opportunities to get to know each other after the children arrive. Children are also synonymous with “labor”, they need objective care that can and should be shared. The couple may find themselves much more supportive after the children. Take advantage of the children’s presence to revisit your own childhood. Realize that there is a sleeping child inside you – that has just awakened when you indulge in play.

Never think that you are prevented from dating because now there are children! Children don’t have the power to end desire, with their parents’ libido. It’s too heavy a burden for the little ones to be blamed for the diminished romance between you. And they are no excuse for the couple’s intimate estrangement.

Dialogue a lot whenever you notice a certain distance between you. I do not believe that children are responsible for their personal difficulties. Don’t stop touching, hugging or kissing just because the kids are there. On the contrary, it is important that they feel that there is love and interest between you, this will give them positive references when their turn comes. Take advantage of everyday situations that involve children to date: while they play in the park, you walk hand in hand. Date at the movies when taking the little ones, to the supermarket… Holiday trips are yet another opportunity to consolidate romance and distribute affection and affection to everyone.

When the children reach adolescence, the couple can re-inaugurate another phase of their relationship, now relearning to be alone again, since the night will belong to the children and their parties.

How about taking a trip to the motel until it’s time to pick them up from the party?

Never use your child to justify a possible distance or lack of interest between you. You are responsible for constantly renewing the relationship and adapting to each new phase of the union. Romanticism should not be lost and it is possible to date your partner indefinitely.

Life is recycled. Always dating, cultivating the delicacy of the early days, you will be able to be a young couple in all cycles… Especially when you see your children giving you grandchildren.

It’s worth dating!

For separated mothers and fathers

Don’t stop dating because your previous relationship ended. Looking like a victim in front of your children is not healthy, they want to make their parents happy. Introduce the new boyfriend into your children’s lives after you feel secure that it won’t be a fleeting relationship. Do this gently, so that they do not feel emotionally threatened by the presence of a “stranger”. Talk to your children about this person, answer questions honestly. Be sure to do programs that include children if you want to strengthen their relationship. Try not to radically change your routine with them, do it gradually. If you end the relationship, let your children know. A person does not disappear from the life of the father or mother just like that. In fact, it will also be disappearing from their lives and it is only fair to talk about it.