Displaced firstborn syndrome

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Displaced firstborn syndrome encompasses a set of reactions that a child presents when a new sibling arrives at home. It is not selfishness or whim, but rather an adaptation that can be costly for them.

The displaced firstborn syndrome tells us about a difficulty that affects older siblings. It has to do with the arrival of a little brother. It also affects, although not as pronounced, the penultimate child.

It is true that currently there are not many families that have more than two children and those that decide to have an only child are growing in number. Even so, there are still enough nuclear families with older brothers and sisters. These are the most susceptible to experiencing displaced firstborn syndrome.

The second or third child is safe from displaced firstborn syndrome for an obvious reason: since they were born they have had siblings. They ignore what it means to be the only one in the minds and hearts of their parents. Let’s see what this issue is about and how to address it.

“The child is an always attentive witness to the morality of adults or the lack thereof.”.

-Robert Coles-

When a little brother arrives, he is seen as an intruder by the older brother.

When the “intruder” arrives

The displaced firstborn syndrome encompasses a set of behaviors and prototypical reactions in the eldest child when a sibling arrives. The essential thing about this psychological picture is that this boy who has arrived, in principle, is seen as an intruder and not as someone with whom we have a filial bond.

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All older siblings, and sometimes others, experience it, but not always with the same intensity. The usual thing is that it is temporary, but there are also cases in which this becomes permanent. In any case, it is something that affects the well-being of the child and even causes health problems.

The most characteristic thing about displaced firstborn syndrome is the older brother’s desire to attract attention from his parents. Likewise, the desire to attack or eliminate the “intruder” who arrived, even if he appears to love him and shows that he wants to take care of him. If parents do not know how to handle this situation, they can cause great harm to the affected child.

The symptoms of the syndrome

A child affected by displaced firstborn syndrome, especially if he or she is very young, does not know what is happening to him or her. He is not even clear that he rejects his brother or sister. Just see how everyone’s focused on the baby that just arrived and pay more attention to him or her.

The most common thing is that they present changes in their behaviorexpressed in one or more of the following manifestations:

Greater aggressiveness.Extreme passivity.Low school performance.introversion.Inattention.Little participation in the game.Alterations in appetite.Sleep alterations.Frequent tantrums or tantrumsThey can go back to sucking their thumb, talking like younger children, etc.

Physical symptoms or even health problems may also occur.. Sometimes there are more digestive problems, infections or headaches. They may also develop allergies such as dermatitis or asthma. In some cases they present fever and even seizures.

Displaced firstborn syndrome can affect children both physically and psychologically.

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To do?

Displaced firstborn syndrome can extend into adulthood, when it is not managed appropriately. Sometimes it results in adults with a deep feeling of abandonment and the perception that “they have no place in the world.”. There is also a tendency to feel jealousy and a state of seemingly inexplicable grief.

The best thing to do is to start working with the child before the baby is born.. You have to teach him to share a space that was previously only his. Therefore, it is very important to involve him in the preparations for the birth. Ask their opinion about the place the new baby will occupy. Also, let him help buy his little brother’s clothes and everything he will need.

It is very important to make sure you understand that the mother has to go to the hospital to have the baby. At an early age it is not easy to understand such long absences, and perhaps even less so when the mother returns home with a competitor in her arms.

Therefore, It is essential to ensure that he continues to occupy an important place in the parents’ lives. Share with him the arrival of the baby as a family event and not as a drastic change in care and affection. If there are difficulties, in any case, it is indicated to visit a therapist to offer guidance on the matter.