Self-hatred: people who hate themselves

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Often, behind self-hatred and self-lack of love, there are often childhood traumas and unhealthy affection that we received in the past. No one should see themselves as their worst enemy or as someone who does not deserve to be loved.

Self-hatred is the worm that invalidates everything, the inner voice that poisons and extinguishes potentials, values and opportunities. People who hate themselves project that same discomfort onto others, sometimes looking for those to blame for their failures, those responsible for their unhappiness and captives of their negative feelings.

That’s right, the truth is that it’s a pretty bad life hating yourself. It’s like having to share a flat with an uncomfortable tenant, someone with whom we get along badly and who we also hate. These are realities that are often lived in silence and are the result of a bad experience or disproportionately low self-esteem.

There are those who, for example, see their days go by suffering from the guilt of remorse, of events that occurred in the past and that are the origin of that self-hatred. Others, however, do not even know the reason for this neglect of one’s own being.of that constant rejection and that self-sabotage that crushes and extinguishes all psychological balance.

Understanding the trigger and the ways to confront this canvas of restlessness can help us.

Many times, self-hatred stems from the way we were treated in the past. The lack of affection and recognition makes us feel unworthy of even self-love.

What is self-hatred?

Self-hatred is one of the most problematic psychological realities. It is a state in which the person integrates and reinforces feelings of insufficiency, guilt, low self-esteem, negative view of oneself and high contempt. Their mental focus prevents them from seeing all potential and positive traits.

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So much so that any achievement or success achieved is attributed to chance. They feel vulnerable and often that feeling makes them act defensively towards others. They cannot build enriching social and emotional relationships. They distrust, they do not feel worthy of being loved and often show hostile attitudes towards others.

What are the causes of this hatred of one’s own person?

Why should one hate oneself? What reason is there for human beings to see themselves as their own worst enemy? In reality, this situation is more common than we think and responds to several triggers.

The weight of regrets

Lost opportunities. Behaviors that had bad consequences. Regret for not having been braver, for not having done things differently…

self-hatred It is often part of those life experiences that we are not proud of and that are burned into our being. Far from addressing them, treating and healing them, we leave them there, latent, like open wounds that we do not dare to heal.

Low self-esteem, the price of not loving yourself well

Self-hatred is the psychological scab of those who love themselves badly, of those who live with a self-esteem that is low. Nothing grows in our mind when self-love does not exist, when only negativity and self-hatred reign.

Thus, facts such as having grown up in an invalidating, critical and authoritarian family environment also orchestrate this negative devaluation towards one’s own being. Nor can we leave aside childhood traumas, a common trigger that reinforces contempt for one’s own person.

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Self-hatred germinates through our inner critic

Self-hatred has been studied for decades in the field of psychology. Thus, we have, for example, work such as that carried out at the University of Chicago by Dr. Louis Paul in the 70s. Something that he already indicated to us at this time is that The person who hates himself reinforces an internal dialogue that is as critical as it is exhausting.

It is an internal voice that judges the person, that limits their potential, that blames her for every mistake and that acts like that echo that repeats to her at every moment that she is worthless.

It is very bad to live in that mental universe occupied by a tyrannical and despotic voice. Internal dialogue that does nothing but disqualify us and anticipate mistakes and failures fuels self-hatred.

How can we stop despising ourselves?

We are going to have to live with ourselves all our lives, why not start treating ourselves better? Self-hatred and the tendency to feed off discomfort sooner or later leads to anxiety and even self-harm or depressive disorders. The environment of those who do not love themselves also suffers.

Because Those who devalue themselves often take their frustration on others, because when what one feels is anger and the weight of low self-esteem, one is incapable of giving one’s best to others…

What can we do in these circumstances? We analyze it.

Developing compassionate dialogue

An interesting research work led by Dr. Nele Stinckens from the University of Leuven (Belgium) talks about a type of therapy aimed at self-hatred. It basically consists of enable the person to master their internal dialogue.

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It is necessary to learn to detect invalidating ideas, internal criticism and that critical and negative voice to transform it into more compassionate speech. Starting to love each other a little more always involves being able to speak to each other with affection, respect and compassion.

To overcome self-hatred you have to set new personal goals

Often, we feed back the same behaviors and lifestyles that reinforce our own discomfort. To improve your vision and appreciation of yourself, it is always good to make changes. Setting new goals and achieving them improves self-esteem. Meeting new people brings us other perspectives and another way of seeing ourselves…

Small variations in everyday life can sometimes bring us valuable transformations. capable of reinforcing self-love. And that is the best starting point.