The flame butterfly phenomenon, what does it consist of?

At some times we can feeling incapable of getting out of situations that cause us suffering, no matter how much the stress they cause us motivates us to get out of them. In this context it is relatively easy to fall into dependency. This is how we approach the flame butterfly phenomenon.

In the scenario of dependency, abandonment is presented as one of our deepest and most conditioning fears.. Because of this fear, we become capable of putting ourselves aside, fueling situations that are toxic. Now, in most cases this fear is present in the flame butterfly phenomenon.

But, What is it about? What to do to avoid falling into this phenomenon? What are the benefits of recognizing it? Let’s start looking for answers with an inspiring phrase:

The flame butterfly phenomenon, what is it about?

As the psychologist and writer David Solá suggested, when we talk about this phenomenon we refer to those zigzagging behaviors that lead people to return to situations that cause them suffering. The return is usually to past relationships.

So, we are talking about a phenomenon in which the person repeatedly returns to his or her past relationship, which causes him greater and greater suffering, after the rejection that is repeated.

To be more specific, think about that person who does whatever it takes to recover the relationship with their ex-partner. He sends them messages, makes calls, buys them gifts… in short, he does what he thinks is necessary so that that person doesn’t abandon him.

But, Why is it called the flame butterfly phenomenon? It is because the butterfly may be strongly attracted to the light of the flame, but the closer it gets, the more suffering it can cause. A suffering that does not prevent the flame from being a tempting stimulus.

A probable consequence of this phenomenon is the destruction of self-esteem: it is one of the first tissues that the flame begins to burn. Furthermore, It leads to a lack of emotional control and loss of sense of reality.

What to do to avoid falling into this phenomenon?

We show you some strategies to deal with the flame butterfly phenomenon. Let’s see:

Self-knowledge. Knowing ourselves will help us recognize these behaviors, understand why they can be tempting despite harming us, and will finally be the starting point to eliminate them from our repertoire of actions.Self-esteem. If we recognize our value, it is easier for us not to exceed those limits that safeguard our dignity.Goodbye to idealization! Sometimes we see the other person as a perfect being, we see them better than they really are. This helps us want to maintain the relationship with each other even if the price to pay is high.Loneliness is not bad. It depends on the perspective with which you assume it. Take advantage of your moments of solitude to think about yourself and do the activities that you like the most!End self-deception. That is, be aware and sincere.Understanding look. Try to have a clearer perspective of the situation, putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes.

Remember that everyone has the right to be with whoever they want. Respecting yourself means respecting precisely this desire of the other, even when that desire is to distance yourself from you.

Benefits of recognizing the flame butterfly phenomenon

By recognizing the flame butterfly phenomenon, if we suffer from it, we will enjoy the following advantages:

Let our lives flow. Rebuild ourselves emotionally. Recognize what our limits and those of the other person are.Try to free ourselves through forgiveness.Work on empathy.Begin to find meaning in our lives.

Furthermore, in his book From emotional chaos to inner liberationDavid Solá, shows us the importance of working on ourselves to recognize this phenomenon, and once done, building a new direction by forging healthier relationships that lead us to a higher quality of life.

The flame butterfly phenomenon can sometimes catch us, and it is in our power to escape its nets. In turn, self-esteem, dedication, limits and self-knowledge will act as protective elements against this threat.

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