Masking: what it is and why people hide their true nature

In psychology and sociology, masking or masking It refers to people who camouflage their natural personality or behavior to fit what is expected of them, to present the ideal image on social media, or even to avoid abuse or harassment.

Masking is not a new phenomenon. Carl G. Jung once said that we spend the first half of life trying to please others and the second half trying to please ourselves. The affirmation of this Swiss psychiatrist and psychologist contains a lot of force since few things cause so much suffering How to wish to be what we are not.

Some people feel angry when they realize how they generate their own discomfort with something as simple as not be good in your own skin. Wanting at all costs to be like another person in order to feel loved is perhaps the most terrible of solutions.

By Victor Amat and Bet Font

masking on social networks: are you hiding?

In this age of mobile phones it is said that there are two types of people: people iphone and the people samsung. Nothing is more painful than, being a iphonewant to be a samsung or, conversely, be a samsung and pretend to be a iphone.

The crux of the matter lies in being able to live our own life beyond fashions or conventions. As the poet WB Yeats wrote, the true hero is the one who has the courage to go into the depths of himself.

This mythical journey allows us to discover, little by little, that we are not what we would have liked to be, or that we are not close to what others expected us to be.

The transition between realizing that we may not be delighted with who we are and yet accepting oneself opens a life stage that can be peppered with disappointments, be painful or present as a disconcerting period, in which everything that made sense until then It staggers.

When we detect something about ourselves that we don’t like, we can ask ourselves What are we looking for with that behavior. Many of the things we do pursue the love or recognition of the otheror perhaps its delivery.

Discovering this type of behavior intentions helps to “improve” it and accept it. Stopping struggling with an attitude or behavior is a royal way to change it. under our feet. This process of self discovery that leads to maturing can happen at any age, although as a general rule in adulthood we pay more attention to it.

masking: how to stop hiding behind a mask

One of the stages of life that is most important in the construction of identity is when, as children, we begin to have use of reason. At that age we begin to move away from what we call “experience” to rationalize it, to think about it.

We reflect on what happens to us and we forget the joy of living. Depending on the environment, we try to be accepted by our adult references and our loved ones. We receive messages about what happens to us and we code them to adapt to it, in our need to be cared for.

What usually happens is that we take out conclusions biased by love or pain what we feel. That leads us to conclude things about what we are without having the data or knowledge to be fair. In this way we configure our personality, understood as the way in which we present ourselves to the world.

Mythologies and religions They agree that fear appears when moving away from the gods or divinity. Today we could say that moving away from divinity is in a way equivalent to moving away from the best of oneself, which gives rise to fear. When this arises, we show the other what we think he wants to see.

He fear of heartbreak and abandonment leads to clinging to an ideal self-concept that we believe can protect us from rejection.

masking: the causes of wanting to mask our personality

According to Virginia Satir, creator of family therapy, we carry within us multiple facesdifferent identities that we present depending on the environment.

Wanting to present yourself as a “Good Mother”, someone “Intelligent” or thinking that you are a “Football” is nothing more than show one of those skins that we have learned to look according to the occasion and that they can make us feel bad even though we think we need them to be accepted by others.

We run the risk of losing ourselves behind those masks But, be careful, who never gets lost in the first part of life also assumes the danger of never finding himself.

want to be another

“We have found the enemy: it is us”, said a cartoon by the famous American cartoonist Walt Kelly.

It is not uncommon for us to become aware, with the passage of time and the assumption of responsibilities, of the situations in which our behavior makes us uncomfortable.

So one is not satisfied with being as it is and want to changer to act as you think others have told you to act. It is common to want to be different in order to face the things we fear or that hurt us with a different attitude.

“I shouldn’t care,” says the employee, offended by her boss’s words. “I have to be brave,” says the husband who wants to separate from his wife. But it’s easy for neither of them to get his wish.

Frequently, the employee continues to care about the way her superior treats her, and the husband remains resigned with the wife. the feeling is terrifying when a person asks himself to be someone else, to have resources that he never had or that are not his style… and he does not succeed.

It is tragic to fail to be who you are not.

Want to change, feel discomfort

Who has not ever gone to bed thinking: “tomorrow I will change”? However, why don’t we? There are apparently simple changes but our inner essence rejects them.

For a chaotic creative, being orderly could mean being boring. For a shy young woman, becoming the life of the party could be a big risk. Many people would not like themselves after having performed the miracle of being other.

The key lies, as Rilke would say, in starting the only possible journey, the one that heads inland looking for our genuine essence. In each person there are many skins that cover the depths of his heart, wrote the German theologian Master Eckhart.

Skins perhaps as thick and hard as those of an ox, that is why it does not know itself. The person must enter his own ground, learn to know each other knowing that the first step towards self-discovery is born with the understanding of the discomfort that being away from oneself produces.

we reach maturity when we realize that, in essence, all is well in our own world.

How to leave masking behind and give yourself permission to be yourself

It is never too late to do something as daring and dangerous as allow yourself to be yourself. In some moments of self-absorption or contemplation, we glimpse our own scaffolding and our unconscious mind sends us symbols and information so that we stop falling into the fight that we maintain with our nature.

Being yourself can go through reviewing everything we experience and attend to our feelings and reactions. What things do we do well? What things bother us? How do we want to react?

Those reactions we wantHave we ever carried them out in similar situations? If we’ve never acted the way we think, maybe it’s time to start connecting with our inner self.

The secret is to recognize what comes easily to us, the fluent response. In our spontaneous actions usually lies our inner wisdom. Nature is at odds with the will, and that means change is almost never the result of using it.

Change usually arises from the cessation of hostility and collaboration between parts of ourselves that sometimes seem opposed. Perfecting our resources, not exchanging them for others, can be the solution, without rejecting others or oneself.

surrender from the heart

Johnny Cash’s song take me home he refers to this point when in a stanza he says: “Crossroads, take me home, to the place where I belong”.

When we find ourselves, we begin to enjoy the sensation of return home and we can face life with less effort and waste of mental energy. It is not easy to learn not to fight and to live from that genuine place.

The meditation It seems like a way to get to that point and a well-oriented psychotherapy can also be a valuable help. The exercise allows you to open up to your own body and teaches you to listen to yourself, at the same time that it modulates your emotions and invites you to be constant in the practice, enjoying it by itself.

stop being another passes by loosen the fear of rejection and, in baby steps, address the fact that maybe not everyone is happy with one. Learning to frustrate others in a moderate way and experiencing deeply accepting yourself can take some time.

For this reason the transition to a more mature stance It must be carried out with determination, tenderness and humor. These three energies facilitate the assumption of one’s own being and allow others to better accompany us on this almost mythical journey towards well-being.

Accept your own emotions and to stop fighting to change them is the crucial step to self-acceptance, for only when we acknowledge our feelings can we perfect them.

So, for example, the person who angry You can hone your inner warrior: Are you fighting the right enemy, and can you use that energy in a deserving fight?

The person that doubtCan you learn to sustain doubt and live without certainties?

The fact that loves unrequited, can you give away your love without expecting anything in return?

These are some examples of how to “improve” no need to force nothing against our spirit. It is a great challenge. Being yourself to enjoy life is a matter that requires courage, because the hero is the one who discovers his world and gives himself to it with all his heart.

The importance of enjoying

What things did you enjoy in your childhood? And in adolescence? By adulthood, you’ve probably stopped doing many of those things.

A good way to heal yourself is to take a few minutes to think about it. Do again some of the things that pleased us is a way to begin to be yourself.

Thinking the worst scenario also helps: what would happen in this situation if I show myself as I am?

There are practices that help contact with our true being. Taking drama classes can be helpful. Many NLP exercises reconcile with the best of oneself.

When the pain is great and makes daily life difficult, a psychotherapist or a health or medical expert can enlarge the view.