Couples without falling in love, a more stable option?

Falling in love is a state that many people enjoy and long for. because it causes very intense sensations and almost all of them pleasant. Even the suffering it generates is satisfactory for those who find themselves in that state, in which imagination flies, motivation reaches its maximum and each experience is lived to the surface.

If you think about it a little, that description of falling in love sounds a lot like what some people experience when they take a hallucinogen. In both cases, there are extremely pleasant sensations and life stops being something “ordinary” and becomes a magical fact. Also in both moments it is something temporary.

Sooner or later you come back from falling in love, like you come back from the effects of a drug.. This return to reality is negative when such “reality” is not very encouraging or does not have such important effects if in everyday life there are also many elements and factors that enrich life. Unfortunately, what usually happens is the former: a disappointing landing. Could this be different?

The act of falling in love

It usually happens that people with emotional deficiencies They give a disproportionate value to the love of a couple. Without intending to, there is a background fantasy that leads them to feel or intuit that a partner can be the answer to their voids, their life dissatisfaction or their suffering. In these cases, people fall in love with overwhelming intensity.

It also happens that they idealize noticeably to the other and give him powers that he really does not have. For example, the power to offer happiness that they have not known, or to provide security and a feeling of protection that they have not experienced. This conviction is so strong that they actually feel immensely happy and more secure and complete.

The point is that this whole experience of falling in love has a lot of hope. It is very similar to the performance of a magician in which you know that he is levitating, but, looking at the background, he is not actually levitating. Or the experience with a narcotic, in which you do experience very pleasant sensations, but in reality they do not come from you.

Particularly in the case of people with great emotional deficiencies or strong personality difficulties, falling in love takes on unusual importance. That’s why, When it is diluted, because it is necessarily diluted, strong anguish arises.. This fact is not assumed as something natural, but there is great resistance to accepting that it occurs. This causes great suffering.

The unwanted transition

It is not unusual for someone with pending problems with themselves to want to experience an eternal love affair. He will try again and again to perpetuate it and, in fact, he will blame himself for not achieving it.. The signs that this exultant stage is fading are seen as a terrible threat and the transition is filled with anguish.

Sometimes, falling in love itself leads to rushing into a commitment that does not have solid foundations. Then comes a long string of disappointments, anxiety and, often, breakups. The feeling that remains is that of bewilderment, as if one did not understand what happened or why it happened.

Is there another option to approach choosing a partner? Could it be more reasonable to ignore that state of semi-madness that is falling in love and rather opt for a calmer option? History says yes. There are many couples who manage to make a relationship work and make it stable, despite not having a passionate romance.

The success factors

The most stable relationships are those in which there is underlying compatibility between two persons. If you share tastes and values ​​and your temperaments and personalities are similar, there is a greater chance that you will build a solid and lasting relationship. All deep and persevering loves have a high component of friendship and this is only genuine and possible when there is compatibility in relevant aspects.

Romantic imaginaries lead us to believe that great loves are those that are marked by mutual passion. Reality shows that this is not the case. Often, that initial ardor turns into mutual disappointment over time.; Without these extreme emotions, the bond is ordinary and unrewarding.

There must be sexual attraction in the couple, but next to it there must be a good component of affinity psychological. That is why it is possible to think of stable couples without prior falling in love. A more serene choice may be the key to gaining stability and solidity in a bond that in itself is fragile over time.

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