How to treat my partner’s children?

Rebuilding a family is the goal of many people, but it is not an easy path. When you start a relationship with someone who has children, not knowing how to treat your partner’s children can be an obstacle that ends the relationship.

Even if two people decide to separate, their children do not participate in that decision. They have to go through a process of breaking up and subsequent adaptation to a new life, so Introducing a third person into the equation is often difficult for them.

It is common for complications to appear during the process that must be managed. If this is your case, in this article you have some general tips to create the most positive situation possible with your partner’s children, so don’t miss it.

8 keys to treating your partner’s children

The first thing you should know is that Each family is different and you need to evaluate the situation independently. In any case, there are certain guidelines that you can use as a pillar to build a healthy relationship with your partner’s children. You can read them below.

1. Overcome the temptation to try to replace the parent who is not there

It’s easy to think that your role is to act as guardian, since you are the partner of the person raising those children. However, remember that you are not and that they will not consider you as such..

From this situation arise the most typical conflicts, in which children do not recognize authority and behave badly as a form of rebellion against the attempts of control by their parent’s partner.

Your relationship with children must be built from scratch and in harmony with the one you have with your partner. It is not necessary for them to think that you are their new guardian, but a culture of respect and affection must be established between all family members.

2. Coexist progressively

If the relationship progresses and you decide to start living together, it is best to make this change progressively.. In this way, you can gradually make adjustments and resolve conflicts that, otherwise, would really threaten coexistence.

It is also advisable that you learn to deal with your partner’s children before starting to live together. Otherwise, it will mean starting to live with strangers: neither you nor they will get along well.

3. Spend quality time with them

The best way to strengthen ties is to share pleasant moments. Look for common interests, fun activities, or contexts that facilitate relaxed interaction. In this way, not only will you get along better, but it will also open up ways to get to know each other better.

4. Don’t interfere in their education

Especially at the beginning, education and the rules of coexistence should be set by the parent.. Your task will be to adapt as much as you can and adjust the relationship and coexistence as all family members get used to the change in routine.

You must respect what your partner decides regarding the education of their children.. Your opinion may be valid, but you must express it in a way that does not undermine their authority or create conflict of any kind. Your authority over your partner’s children will always be based on what she establishes.

5. Study your partner’s relationship with their children

You must understand that your partner’s priority is taking care of the people for whom he or she is responsible. That doesn’t make your relationship any less special nor does it imply that you are less than their children. They are simply different loves and each of them has its characteristics.

6. Set your limits when dealing with your partner’s children

You also have needs and your own pace of adaptation. Just as you commit to adapting and assuming a specific role, your partner and their children cannot ask you for things that you cannot do.

These limits can be agreed upon together by the entire family, discussed with your partner first or established as the relationship and coexistence progress. The important thing is to do it with respect and understanding for all three parties.

7. Establish a cordial relationship with your partner’s ex

This topic is delicate in most cases. However, it is really advisable that, at a minimum, you avoid conflicts with previous partners of your current romantic partner.

Although it is true that the situation can get very complicated – especially in cases of abuse -, Your intention of not wanting to cause problems in that matter must be noted. or in the relationship of the children with their parent.

8. Go to a professional

Whenever you find yourself at an unsolvable point, It is a good idea to go to family or couples therapy. Many times, from within the conflict, solutions that are within reach are not seen.

Additionally, if your new family has a specific condition – illnesses, abusive situations, etc. – a professional support base can be very beneficial.

Honesty, respect and affection: your 3 best tools

In closing, keep in mind that this process is intended to be a family. Your partner’s children may not have grown up with you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy together. nor that they have to stop loving their biological parents.

This is why the only truly universal guidelines for dealing with your partner’s children – and with anyone, really – is to try to do your best. Put sincerity, respect and humility first, and affection will come out on its own.

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