Complex relational trauma: what does it consist of?

Do you find it difficult to maintain a stable and satisfying relationship? Don’t you trust others too much? Are you afraid that they will end up abandoning you or hurting you as has happened to you in the past? Then you may be suffering from complex relational trauma.

When people experience several adverse events continuously, the brain changes. No one (or almost no one) emerges unscathed from a childhood of physical or emotional violence. Few are immune to negligent upbringing, a situation of bullying that lasts for years or a violent partner.

They are facts of great psychological significance that persist in the mind for decades. Human beings experience various types of traumas, and it is important to know that not all are the same.

The complex relational has to do exclusively with a form of abuse, harassment or suffering that one or more individuals exert on someone. This type of violence happens continuously for years, and generally, the psychological damage generated will be greater the more vulnerable the victim is. This explains why everything that happens in childhood determines our maturity…

When a child suffers abuse, there is a high probability that when he or she becomes an adult he or she will establish relationships in which he or she will also end up being a victim of physical and emotional violence.

Characteristics of complex relational trauma

Complex relational trauma is related to children’s early exposure to adverse events. Now, the main characteristic of these realities is that the trigger is the “relational” factor. That is, trauma does not arise from a specific event, such as an accident, an attack, suffering the loss of a parent or from witnessing a dramatic event.

It has to do with the harmful action sustained over time by one or more people on a victim. This fact, that of the durability and pain exerted by a close and familiar figure, often causes that child or young person to “assume” the abuse. They see no way out and fall into a state of helplessness that sometimes lasts. even beyond the fact that this situation no longer happens.

For example, if a child has been abused in childhood and adolescence, that emotional vulnerability persists into adulthood. This causes their romantic relationships to always be dysfunctional.. The attachment is anxious or insecure, there is fear of abandonment, fear of being hurt and inability to enjoy affection, and even sexuality.

Associated symptoms

Complex relational trauma manifests itself in multiple ways. However, if that stressful event has its origins in childhood, the impact will be greater. On average, it usually appears through the following behaviors or situations:

The person is always hypersensitive and hypervigilant.Their love affairs rarely last.Constant fear of abandonment and being hurt. Distrust is a constant. They put the needs of others before their own. Deficiencies in emotional regulation. Low self-esteem.Problems regulating impulses.Attention disorders, flashbacks…They apply dissociation (separation of consciousness from certain thoughts and memories) as a defense mechanism.

The closer the relationship between abuser and victim, the worse the prognosis.

A common trigger for complex relational trauma is abuse by a primary caregiver. In this situations, The victim usually reaches adulthood without having had the opportunity to handle that suffering, that latent trauma. And somehow, this discomfort leads them to shape a life of emotional failures, low self-confidence, persistent fears and chronic worries.

Thus, the more intimate or close the relationship between the victim and the abuser, the greater the psychological impact. We also know that The neurobiology of this type of trauma causes the hippocampus (related to memory) to be smaller than averageand that the amygdala (associated with the processing of emotions) is flooded with stress hormones.

This will cause the person to develop mood disorders such as anxiety and stress until they suffer health problems, such as digestive problems, allergies, headaches… Somatic conditions are a common characteristic in these cases.

The patient must be trained in developing a healthy thinking pattern, managing emotions from the traumatic past, and applying coping skills for psychological pain.

How is it treated?

There are many approaches to addressing complex relational trauma. One of them is EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy) recognized by the WHO as a valid resource to overcome post-traumatic stress.

However, In recent years, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) has been increasingly applied. In it, the patient is guided to find new goals and healthier behaviors in accordance with their values ​​and purposes.

Only in this way can an existence be shaped in which we can accept the pain of yesterday and suffering as an undeniable part of life. Being resilient means developing a more flexible mind, committing ourselves to our recovery and well-being. That’s the key.

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