Tips when looking for a partner

If we want to establish a healthy relationship, we must first work with ourselves on our self-love and our priorities.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

There are many people who long to find someone special with whom to share their life. Love as a couple is one of the most rewarding experiences in life and that is why, sometimes, we rush in the search for this ideal partner. But, If we want to be successful when looking for a partner, we must first work internally.

When we fall prey to panic and despair in this search, we adopt an erroneous and counterproductive approach.. Necessity is not a good starting point, and it can lead us to pair up with people who are not right for us. It can even make others distance themselves from us when they perceive it.

Therefore, It is convenient that we position ourselves calmly and make conscious and coherent decisions.. Below you will find some aspects to reflect on before looking to start a new relationship.

Tips when looking for a partner

love yourself first

A healthy relationship will never be born from lack but from self-love. It is not advisable to look for a partner because we feel alone and we want another person to meet our needs. Unconditional love, recognition and support must first be provided by yourself.

When we venture into a new romantic relationship with the hope that the partner will fill our voids, we are putting him or her in an unfair position. No one should bear the responsibility of making another happy, that is each person’s task. In this situation it is very likely that frustration or emotional dependence will not take long to appear.

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Therefore, start working on your self-esteem. Know yourself, accept yourself and fill yourself with love. Learn to satisfy your own needs and be happy with yourself. Only from here can you establish a relationship based on affection, support and respect for each person’s individuality.

Give yourself time before looking for a partner

Being in a relationship is a pleasant state, but not an obligation. Don’t force yourself to bond with someone before you’re ready.. If you’ve recently ended a relationship, taking some time alone will help you process the breakup and come to terms with yourself.

Likewise, if you feel that you need a period of solitude to dedicate to yourself, to achieve goals in other aspects of your life or to identify what you want, do not hesitate to allow it. Starting relationships hastily can lead to later regret. Try to stay connected with your sensations at all times to decide the most suitable pace for you.

Identify what you want and what you are willing to offer

Before looking for someone to share our time, experiences and emotions with, we must be clear about what type of person we want by our side. For this It is important that we spend some time identifying what principles are important to us and that we want a potential partner to share.

Something that can make the task easier is to take a blank piece of paper and list those qualities that we consider essential in a potential partner.. There are those who prefer someone who is a traveler and adventurer while other people prioritize family life. For some couples it is necessary to be able to do separate activities while others prefer to share most of their time.

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All options are valid and respectable but it is important that the person with whom you are going to start a relationship shares your points of view. Putting them in writing will help organize your ideas and priorities. Once you have done so, review the list and see if they are values that you are willing to offer back. Reciprocity is key in a couple.

Love is not sought, it is found

Once you have healed your wounds, worked on your self-esteem and identified what you want, you are ready to establish an emotional bond again. However, try to approach it in a spontaneous and carefree way. Instead of compulsively looking for a partner, simply try to go out, socialize or meet new people.

Do activities that interest you and make you happy and be open to sharing them with others. Don’t fall into sadness or despair, just live and enjoy. People who share your interests and values will appear along the way, and when you least expect it, one of them may be the one for you.