Dysfunctional family: 9 characteristics

Many of the problems in the world begin in a dysfunctional family. That primary environment that, by learning so much from it and in such a short time, in many cases leaves the deepest mark on us. It can greatly determine whether a person starts with an advantage or disadvantage when facing different life challenges.

Some people form a couple and have children following a pattern that they repeat or to which they have been reactive, but that deep down they have never questioned. It may be that they want to give meaning to a life that they perceive as aimless. Sometimes they also come from dysfunctional families from which they want to escape, without paying the price that autonomy implies.

Whatever the case, the truth is that sometimes those who make up a home are not physically, mentally, or emotionally prepared to do so. This is when a dysfunctional family is created. The consequences for each of its members are unpredictable, but they almost always generate difficulty or impossibility in leading a full life.

1. Abuse is present in the dysfunctional family

There are many types and degrees of dysfunction in a family. However, here we will deal with the dysfunctional family that causes great damage to those who make it up. With that reservation, we can say that The first great feature of this type of family is the predominance of relationships that, far from favoring development, harm it.

Abuse is understood any act intended to harm another person who is in a disadvantaged or vulnerable position. It is also defined as an excess of power. That is, like the exercise of authority without logic and without moderation. The abuse can be physical, psychological and/or sexual. In all cases it generates serious consequences.

2. Each family member feels unworthy

It is very common for each member of the dysfunctional family to be dealing with challenges that the group itself makes more difficult. Furthermore, in a family with this climate It is very difficult to find someone who is able to understand or validate the feelings of others. In fact, it is common for them to do the opposite: despise or deny them.

It is also common for each person to be intolerant of the defects or mistakes of others. Let them criticize each other, sometimes in a very cruel way. Destructive feelings prevail and that is why each individual feel like you have very little value.

3. There are underlying problems that lead to violence

It is quite common that in a dysfunctional family, one or both parents are addicts or that one or both of them have some type of disorder. emotional or mental. This leads to situations that are very strange and incomprehensible to the children.

Specifically, all this amalgamation of problems usually gives rise to episodes of violence that terrify children and plunge parents into chronic conflict. Witnessing the screams and/or beatings or being a victim of them marks and defines the springs that shape the internal dialogue of each person. Besides, an imprecise fear remains inhabiting the interior of those who live this.

4. Unpredictability, chaotic and insecure prevail

If there is one thing a child needs to grow healthily, it is security and stability. In a dysfunctional family the opposite occurs.. Today there may not be serious difficulties, but tomorrow we don’t know. Maybe today’s blow didn’t cause much damage, but what about the next one?

That uncertainty, that chaos and that insecurity emotionally harms people and, especially, children. It is very likely that they present strong traits of stress in daily life and post-traumatic stress, in the medium and long term.. They will become nervous, touchy, shy. They will fear the world and even themselves.

5. They ask you not to speak, not trust and not feel

These three mandates are very frequently found in dysfunctional families. The first is that you do not talk, in particular, about what is happening in your family.. You can’t talk about what you feel either, because no one cares. You can’t even talk about what’s happening because who are you to question what’s happening?

Likewise, you are taught not to trust. The dysfunctional family usually becomes hermetic, giving shape to a closed and corrosive world that is governed by a logic that is pure poison.. Everything outside of that bubble is in many cases viewed with distrust. Thus, if there is no trust in what is inside that ecosystem or what is outside, people live in a state of constant tension.

6. Caring children

In many dysfunctional families, it is the children who perform certain care tasks. Whether physically (like cooking or cleaning) or emotionally (giving advice, consoling, mediating arguments), Many children assume responsibilities for others before learning how to manage them for themselves.with the consequent consequences in adult life.

7. Absence of limits

A very common part of domestic violence is that the personal boundaries of each member are not respected. Some examples are prohibitions on closing doors, spying on cell phones, controlling a partner’s accounts, prohibiting going out with certain friends, etc.

8. Fights between parents

In general, most problems tend to occur between the guardians, although the children or other family members later become involved. This happens, obviously, in families where there is more than one father or mother.

There are many times that parental arguments cause toxic dynamics, but the opposite also happens, as it is an endless cycle.. Once the children take center stage (either because the argument is about them or because the little ones try to intervene or react to the endless fights), the toxic dynamic expands to the entire family.

9. There is emotional codependency

What is most paradoxical to outsiders is, in fact, that family members are not able to distance themselves from each other. This occurs due to the aforementioned closed and poisoned climate that is created between them, where everyone makes sure to make others believe that they are nothing without them.

In this way, even if one of the members recognizes and detects these very harmful dynamics, they will have serious difficulties in moving away from them.. It may be because it is believed that he will not be able to function independently or because he has emotional ties (such as caring for an alcoholic parent).

A dysfunctional family requires professional therapeutic intervention. The effect it has on each of the members is not the same. In some cases that footprint can be devastating. In other cases, condemning them to a dull life in which fear prevails. The truth is that, if the chain is not interrupted, through professional care, the usual thing is that, due to inertia, the problems continue to be repeated and increase from generation to generation.

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