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Hating the person we love is normal since human beings are inhabited by paradox. When love is genuine, hate becomes an episode that can be processed without significantly deteriorating affection toward the other.
Hating the person we love is, in quotes, normal. Let us remember that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.. Hate and love are two feelings that, due to extremes in intensity, touch each other.
On the other hand, let’s think that only machines are one hundred percent consistent and obedient.. If you press a button, it does what you ask it to do, because its very nature prevents it from processing the order given to it in any other way. They have no choice or alternative.
Human beings, on the other hand, process all stimuli that come from the outside and inside. There are many factors that influence so that we do not think and feel the same way every day. Although we move within the framework of certain parameters that are basically stable, we are always changing to some extent. That is why it is possible to hate the person we love.
“Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, unlike people, who are incapable of love and always have to mix love and hate.”.
-Sigmund Freud-
Love and hate, two sides of the same coin
Human beings rarely experience feelings and emotions in a pure way. Even the most tender and evolved love can, at a certain moment, leave a space for hate.. Even the most caring mothers, for example, may at some point experience rejection by the children they love so much.
We can come to hate the person we love, because love and hate share part of their substrate. Neuroscientific advances in the study of love and hate have shown us that Some cortical and subcortical structures that are activated for hate also do so when we are in love
Using functional magnetic resonance imaging, Zeki and Romaya (2008) studied 17 people who professed hatred towards someone. What they both observed was that structures such as the puten and the insula They were activated both for stimuli associated with hate and for those related to romantic love.
This material is what allows us to talk about a shared territory an emotional interdependence in which what that other does influences us. What he does affects us for better or worse. We are particularly sensitive to your actions.
Therefore, when the loved one responds to our expectations, feelings of affability, proximity and positive predisposition predominate. On the contrary, if what that person does hurts us, a feeling of hatred may appear. It is not necessarily a visceral and destructive hatred, but a deep rejection of their actions, where anger is mixed and sadness. Hence, by extension, we can come to hate the person we love.
We fail and they fail us
If there is something we sin in love, it is idealism. Many eyes perceive it as a feeling almost superhuman, in which there is no room for contradictions or negative emotions. In practice, we discover that this is not the case. Everything human is paradoxical (it is in itself an entry of paradoxes). We are intelligent and clumsy, brave and fearful, mature and childlike. Certain traits predominate, but these do not exclude the others.
Not even the love we feel for ourselves is totally stable.. Sometimes we also hate each other a little. It can happen when we realize we made a mistake and feel remorse. Or when we let ourselves be carried away by impulses and do something that we absolutely would not have done.
We fail the people we love and they fail us too.. They are not always small failures, but sometimes they have to do with very important and transcendental issues. We can hate the person we love because no affection is exempt from that type of contradictions.
Hate the person we love
Every great love leaves its scars, just like childhood. . In fact, balance in love rarely comes before that moment in which what is opposed learns to live together. That is the dynamic of those intense affections. We come to hate the person we love, but affection is also rebuilt and balanced. Authentic love always includes these processes.
Each of us has a margin to be better. On the other hand, we all harbor a hateful part. Intolerances, conformisms, hesitations or selfishness that can never be completely overcome. That doesn’t make us better or worse, it simply speaks of our nature.
Finally, there is no need to fear those feelings of hatred that sometimes appear in love: there is not necessarily a pathology. Nor do they necessarily mean that affection has deteriorated, nor that we are incoherent and evil monsters. It is healthier to accept that sometimes we hate those we love and that this must be processed so that it does not become destructive. When love is genuine, hate becomes transitory and hardly leaves any traces.
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All cited sources were reviewed in depth by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, validity and validity. The bibliography in this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
Balladares, S., & Saiz, M. (2015). Feeling and affection. Psychological Sciences, 9(1), 63-71.Blair, RJR (2012). Considering anger from a cognitive neuroscience perspective. Wiley Interdisciplinary Reviews: Cognitive Science, 3(1), 65-74.Eibl-Eibesfeldt, I. (1987). Love and hate: natural history of human behavior. Salvat. Garza, I. (2010). Neurobiology of love. The Resident, 5(1), 6-8.Uddin, LQ, Nomi, JS, Hébert-Seropian, B., Ghaziri, J., & Boucher, O. (2017). Structure and function of the human island. Journal of clinical neurophysiology: official publication of the American Electroencephalographic Society, 34(4), 300.Zeki, S., & Romaya, JP (2008). Neural correlates of hate. PloS one, 3(10), e3556.
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