Sometimes being strong is not a personal choice, but the only option

Sometimes, Life puts stones in our pockets so that we descend to the harshest reality. It is then when there is no choice but to be strong, combine armor with sword, act intelligently and take advantage of the energy of a stainless heart. However, sooner or later the fortitude fades, breaks, is exhausted…

When we read a classic we know almost instantly when doom begins to cast its shadow. Reading Virgil, Shakespeare or Dickens means waiting for that moment when that crack appears that alters everything, that fold that contains and changes everything. As seasoned readers that we are, we even know how to anticipate when the betrayal, trap, mistake or tragedy is going to occur.

However, In the less literary and more edged setting of our lives, we rarely anticipate the natural course plotting some subtle revenge against us. Few of us manage to anticipate, when we advance in a straight line focused on our dreams, chores and projects, that destiny has another plan: open a trapdoor under our feet to whisper to us that “Now it’s time to wait, now your dreams are (at least) postponed.”

Nobody ever explained to us what this thing called adversity is; In fact, she introduced herself, in the first person, as a teacher. Many of us were educated with the promise that those who work hard get rewards; that if you love, care and attend, they will not abandon you; that if you trust, good things come. However, life sometimes has a poorly calibrated compassof those that do not mark the north, of those where we are forced to take the longest, hardest and most complex path… where there is no other option but to be strong (or at least appear to be so, so that fate gets scared and crushes the “muí”).

Yes, the strong person is more at risk of suffering from depression

Nowadays, there are many self-help books and personal growth articles obsessed with teaching us what the 7, 8 or 12 characteristics of “strong” people are. There is a misconception that weakness or vulnerability inevitably leads us to mental illness. Thus, following this line of argument, being “mentally strong” will allow us to weather, avoid and defend ourselves effectively against anxiety disorders or that dysthymia that traps us and that is difficult to let us escape.

Everything has nuances, let’s not forget: People accustomed to being strong are those who are at greater risk of developing depression. Let us think, for example, of caregivers who care for their dependent family members.

Let us also think about the father or mother whose spouse is unemployed and has multiple responsibilities on his or her shoulders, even beyond economic ones. Let’s think, why not, about the many professionals who occupy and worry about their lives helping others, disadvantaged groups, children with problems, women who suffer abuse…

Often, we fight to stay strong for others, to offer the best version of ourselves and thus confer security, solvency, effectiveness, closeness, hope and positivity. However, we do not realize that what we often do is “act”, follow a role that we ourselves end up believing; Yes, without knowing that we are betraying ourselves.

If being strong is your only option, allow yourself to accept your own vulnerability

We all know it clearly, In the book of our life there are also epics, there are also challenges that we did not ask for, tragedies that were given to us and tests of courage that we are forced to overcome. However, in this day-to-day narrative where we are often seen as heroes because we can do anything and where we dare not utter a complaint or a tear, There is a spelling mistake that we constantly make: neglecting ourselves.

If being strong is your only option, accept your vulnerability, because vulnerability does not bring weakness, but rather the awareness that sometimes we need to stop and simply take a deep breath. Being strong is not about ignoring anger or contradiction, it is not about forgiving ten or a hundred times what hurts until you lose your dignity.. Being strong is not about acting harshly, imposing one’s own perspectives to create authoritarian environments in order to maintain control over what surrounds us.

Actually, what makes us weak is hiding our own “I” from the world. If we worry exclusively about maintaining our shiny armor to appear efficient, strong and the appearance that we can do everything and more, we will progressively increase that unbridgeable distance between what “I am” and what I “show”, between what “ “I offer” and what I truly “need” at a given moment.

Thus, one way to make use of that resilient key that opens the door to our self-esteem is to reveal ourselves as genuine beings at every moment. Because one can be strong, but at the same time capable of asking for help when needed. Because he who at a given moment favors emotional relief to join forces is also no less strong…

In conclusion, Being strong in a world where the value of vulnerability is not yet understood undoubtedly hinders our ability to promote the psychological well-being that our authentic heroes need.. Those who take care of others, those who, at a given moment, were forced to face adversity without anyone warning them before that life, sometimes, is much harder than what the books explain to us…

You might be interested…

Images courtesy of Sofía Bonatti