Are you a very controlling mother?

This vacation, take a deep breath and encourage your kids to get out from under your skirt and make new friends. If the hotel has monitors, let the children play freely. Use meals to strengthen family bonds. Read the interview with psychologist Márcia Major and learn how to be less controlling without suffering.

To love without suffocating…

What reasons make a mother controlling?

Factors such as concern about violence or that children get involved with drugs, traumatic life experiences and even psychological issues of the mother herself, such as fear of losing the power of being a mother or the need to show that she has control.

What is the healthy limit for control?

Parents must find a compromise between caring for and respecting the individuality of the child or adolescent. The best way to differentiate normal control from pathological control (sickness, which needs treatment) is by talking openly with the children. There are no ready-made formulas, but the exercise of reflecting together on the issue helps a lot. Depending on the case, it is also worth seeking professional help.

And does this limit when it comes to controlling the lives of children change according to age?

Change, yes. You have to respect the maturity of children. You can’t want to control a young person the same way you control a child. The young man’s behavior is different, because he is much more inquisitive. If the parents are too strict, they can trigger several family conflicts.

How to tell if the control is exaggerated?

Having common sense. The mother must ask herself: “Do I usually allow my child to have his own individuality?”. The mother must also analyze her own feelings. When trying to control the other, she increases her anxiety, in addition to hampering her day-to-day tasks, because her thoughts turn only to her son’s life.

What are the risks of this parental behavior for the development of their children?

In addition to generating constant family conflicts, children brought up with excessive control and zeal end up becoming insecure, do not learn to trust their own bat and feel love for themselves, and, finally, find it difficult to get along with other people.

Why is it important for boys and girls to have more freedom?

Precisely to favor its development. So that they can learn to deal with conflicts, have autonomy and independence and believe in themselves.

How to hit the hand?

Taking it one step at a time. If you know that you are overly controlling, think carefully before acting or repressing your children. Is so much zeal really necessary?

And what to do with the dangers of modern life?

They are real, but we must learn to live with these dangers, because we are role models for our children. If we feel excessive fear, the message we send to little ones is that they should always be afraid. And too much fear is crippling, it paralyzes.

What is the best advice for mothers who have a hard time letting go of their children?

Don’t project your frustrations, desires and anxieties onto your children. Think of them as independent beings who need to have their own life experiences. Preventing them from making their choices in childhood or adolescence, as their age allows, will only delay their development, creating relationship difficulties and immaturity. Reflect well on this.