Admiration in a couple: the pillar of solid relationships

Admiration in a couple forms that back-and-forth energy where a more mature love is consolidated.. Thus, when we see in others virtues or abilities that we like, we also feel comforted, because those who admire feel inspired and few sensations are more enriching and motivating. It is, in essence, one of the feelings that most nourishes a relationship.

“You make me want to be a better person.” This phrase is what Jack Nicholson said to Helen Hunt in Couldn’t be better when she asks him to tell her something nice. Within the limitations and defects that the character presented, she could not choose a more appropriate response. Because with those words It contains not only authentic love, but also something that we all like: being valuable and special to the other person.

Now, when this does not appear (or disappears over time) or even more so, when the feeling of admiration is unilateral and not bilateral, friction and disagreement arise: When we lose the shine in the eyes of others, the emptiness that can appear is enormous.. If we do not admire the one we love, only the embers of routine remain, the ashes of a discreet appreciation that enriches no one, which in many cases can lead to contempt.

Admiration in a couple, an energy that makes us grow between two

The poet Theophile Gautier said that to love is to admire with the heart and to admire, for its part, is to love with the mind. Be that as it may, within a relationship, both processes must occur, both love and admiration. Now, as we can imagine, for these dimensions to have true meaning they must be reciprocal at all times.

Thus, it is common that sometimes an event occurs. There are those who admire their partner, while the other part, far from feeling the same, limits themselves to allowing themselves to be admired and flattered. because that reinforcement is what you need to validate your personality. It’s a “I need you to admire me and feel proud of me to strengthen my self-esteem, but don’t expect me to do the same with you because here, the one who truly matters in the relationship is me.

These dynamics are highly destructive. We must be clear: Admiration in the couple is the cornerstone of the relationship, and this, in turn, must form a tandem, where one values ​​the qualities of the other and vice versa. Let’s not forget, for example, those pillars in every happy and stable bond that John Gottman and his wife told us about at the time.

It doesn’t matter what bumps two people are going through, they told us. In reality, challenges or difficulties are always overcome when there is mutual admiration. Love, added to affection and that appreciation of the qualities of the other, make up a powerful and indestructible synergy..

Admire, but do not idealize

Admiration in a couple is the best vitamin. However, idealization, for its part, a contaminant. And the worst of all is that it is something common, something we fall into almost without realizing it. We idealize others because we project our own desires, because love is sometimes blind and magnifies potentials, abilities and behaviors that are not real.

Sooner or later we open our eyes, it is true, but along the way part of our dignity and self-esteem may have fallen away. Admiration for the loved one must be focused on concrete facts. We must see it, feel it, be that trait that we like so much, helps us and inspires us.

If you admire, say it out loud, verbalize what you like about the other person

Saying “I admire you” is as important as saying “I love you”. It is a well-being exercise that we often neglect and that, however, has immense relevance. Saying “I love you or I like you” is not the same as “I love you because you care about people and because I admire the way you speak, express yourself and solve things.” If we verbalize concrete realities, we give more powerful and significant reinforcements.

Admiration in a couple results in our well-being and happiness

Having someone to admire and be admired has an impact on our well-being. This back and forth feeling (you inspire me to be better and I inspire you to improve yourself) is a highly nutritious exercise in the human being. What’s more, studies such as the one carried out at the University of Manchester, United Kingdom, tell us that Admiration in a couple, as well as in our friendship and family relationships, contributes to psychological well-being and life satisfaction.

To conclude, let us never neglect this dimension in love. Affection, loving each other very much and well is something sensational, there is no doubt. However, there are other pillars that are authentic anchors for this link to work and be stable over time: Admiring and being admired, desiring and being desired, are ingredients that make us stronger and of course, happier.

You might be interested…