About to become a nun, she discovered herself as a lesbian in the convent

Thais Mariane she was 16 when she announced to her family that she wanted to become a nun. Her parents were not very happy with the decision, but she followed that path anyway and, at the age of 18, began the process of formation for religious life.

“I attended many retreats and vocational meetings at the church. In one of these moments I met a Franciscan congregation and fell in love with their work. From then on, I wanted to become a nun”, said Thaís on Facebook, through a secret group. To her surprise, the post went viral and she became known as the “Nun from Taubaté”🇧🇷

It was five years in the convent, when, in the last stage of the process to become a nun, Thaís decided to drop the habit. The desire to leave the novitiate happened, as she began to get involved with a girl in the middle of a convent. “I stayed with a friend, it happened more than once and there were some more intense affections”, she revealed in the conversation she had with MdeMulher.

Thaís says that she spent years fighting this desire, until the first lesbian kiss of her life happened, when she was 21 years old. That wasn’t the first time that the atmosphere heated up between her and other novices, but before, things had never gone beyond cuddling and a peck.

During her years as a missionary, she visited different cities and always met new girls. “Then I slept nearby and I wanted to do some wrong things,” she recalls. Thaís says that the feeling of having to separate from the nuns she got to know was always very sad.

“Each place I lived was a different torment, because I wanted to catch someone and I couldn’t. Today I laugh, but it was painful”. Before entering the convent, she briefly dated a few boys and says she never suspected she was a lesbian.

After the first kiss, Thaís felt guilty and even sought guidance. “I told my superior and her reaction was pretty shitty, because she asked me if it was as good as people said.”

At 23, he decided to leave the religious life. There were only 6 months left for her to make her profession of vows – which is a kind of graduation to officially become a nun. “I decided not to follow the religious life anymore after I stayed with the girl in the novitiate, because we stayed there every day, so I knew it didn’t fit with the life I had chosen there. I didn’t want to be a scandal for them either.”

Thaís’ story arouses curiosity, but the most impressive thing is to know that former lesbian novices are not such a rarity. She says that at least five girls she met at the convent today are also openly gay. And it’s sad to imagine how much these women suffered on the road to self-acceptance.

Even outside the congregation, coming out as a lesbian was a complicated process for Thaís. She was still very attached to religion and ended up getting involved with a girl from the church who, according to her account, “was very narrow-minded”. At that time, even a priest advised him to try to start dating the girl, but even that did not work.

“She didn’t accept it at all, until today it’s not accepted, and I started to go into a tailspin. I went to therapy and started to detach myself from the church a little”. It was three years in this troubled relationship, full of doubts and guilt. Then Thaís decided to change towns to get away from the girl. That’s when he met Alexia, who he still dates.

This new phase began four years ago and Thaís finally managed to take the burden of hiding and deceiving herself off her shoulders. She says that coming out as a lesbian to her family was easier than announcing that she wanted to be a nun. “Everyone accepted it in a good way. My mother said that she already suspected ”. Currently, aged 32, she is a partner in a bar and works as a beer sommelier.

Today, Thaís recognizes that the rigid dogmas of Christianity certainly made her self-acceptance process very difficult. She is still Catholic, but attends church less and less – due to lack of time and the discomfort of living with intolerance.

Even so, he believes that the current posture of Pope Francis is being important in changing paradigms. “I think the pope is helping a lot by opening himself up to dialogue and acceptance, but there is a lot of traditionalism within the Church, which makes it very complicated. However, at the same time, I know countless people who are very practicing Catholics and have an open heart about this matter”.

For Thaís, every Christian should respect the LGBT, even if he does not agree with the differences. “It’s like Jesus, who didn’t agree with sin, but loved and respected his neighbor, even if he lived in sin”.

So is homosexuality a sin after all? For a long time, Thais believed so, but today she thinks differently. “I think that living in sin is living without love, with rancor and doing harm to people”, he concludes.