A love for life

There are couples that arouse admiration. They do it because they keep their commitment and mutual admiration afloat despite the difficulties, the years, the differences. They overcome changes, they face challenges, being that support is always indispensable for each other… They are the clearest example that Love for life not only exists, but is possible.

Experts on the subject such as John Gottman, famous for having developed his famous love laboratory at the University of Washington, tell us that the secret of stable relationships lies in knowing how to take care of those “enemies” that boycott all ties. So, Aspects such as contempt, lack of respect or commitment are those “poisons” that we must address.

Such a task is not simple. Nobody teaches us how to deal with these everyday difficulties within a couple. What’s more, sometimes we even reach a relationship with many internal voids., with many areas of personal development still immature. These are aspects that we must undoubtedly take into account when giving and effectively developing a love for life.

What is the secret of couples whose love lasts a lifetime?

When we start a new love story we want it to be “the definitive one.”, that lasts us a lifetime, just as the current stereotype dictates. Often, shortly afterwards we wonder how, despite the effort we make, love ends.

The value of facing changes as a team

Brian Ogolsky, professor of human development at the University of Illinois, conducted an exhaustive study based on data recorded since 1950. His objective was to understand the strategies most used by couples to stay together. The conclusions they obtained were the following:

Happy couples know how to manage conflicts.They know when to forgive, give in and give new opportunities. They know how to relieve the couple’s stress. They take care of each other and they take care of themselves.

Also, something that Dr. Ogolsky emphasized is the following. The love that lasts a lifetime works as a team. They are united to face changes, they look in the same direction and trust each other.

However, although the couple is built on strong pillars, there are events that can be critical. For example, difficulty entering the world of work or the death of a significant person. O well, Even a positive event can be decisive for the balance of the couple: professional success or even having a child.

In these cases, our mind tries to resist change and struggles to adapt to new circumstances. In this way, we can determine that The lasting couple is in turn characterized by a quality that distinguishes it from the others: the resilience.

Resilience in the couple

A person’s resilience is their ability to overcome and draw strength from adverse or stressful circumstances. Viktor Frankl taught us its significance and the need to apply this dimension in our daily lives; also at the couple level. In this way, we awaken that shared competence with which to react to changes with flexibility and dynamism.

Characteristics of long-term couples based on resilience

Let’s see below what are those basic pillars that build a love for life.

They share values: A resilient couple, first of all, has a strong rapport. They agree with the priority they give to sex, money, work, family, friendship, etc. And, above all, andThey are willing to accept their differences.Freedom and personal development. The resilient couple allows themselves a wide space of freedomstimulating and promoting the personal development of both members. What is striking in stable couples is the clear division of roles, which is not the consequence of a unilateral decision, but spontaneous, agreed upon and, above all, flexible.High family independence: Resilient couples form a family and limit interference from parents and relatives, although they remain fully integrated into the family. In comparison, less stable couples tend to maintain a union with their parents bordering on symbiosis.

Sex and passion: Resilient couples improve their sex lives over time and they know how to manage periods in which, physiologically, there may be a loss of libido. A resilient couple has sex, while a declining one does so less and without passion.

Resilience in the couple It is not a pill that can be taken as needed, nor a remedy for couples in crisis. It is the result of a genuine and continuous commitment, based on mutual respect and the awareness that being together is an option that is renewed every day.

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