9 tips for you to learn to say “no”

Many women think that being “nice” is essential in any situation. That’s why they say “yes” all the time, even when they would love to say a resounding “no”.

The good girl who says yes to everything is often not exactly someone with an incorrigible good heart, but a person with an insecure, fearful, needy or controlling personality (who doesn’t want to stay out of anything). “Whoever acts like this thinks that they will not be loved by others for who they are, but only for what they do. They are dedicated due to low self-esteem”, says psychologist Odair Conim.

At work, those who say yes to all requests from their boss and colleagues, instead of appearing to be a dedicated employee, may end up demonstrating a lack of determination and professional demeanor. In love, anyone who is extremely available is seen as dull – or even desperate. And those who do everything their friends ask start attracting opportunistic friendships. For all these reasons, learning to say a few “no’s” can make life so much better.

First, recognize that you have the right to turn down requests for things you don’t feel like doing. Next, learn how to say no without guilt.

1. Save time

If you can’t immediately deny it, ask for some time to think. Say, for example, that you need to check that you don’t have an appointment at the same time. This way, you can safely analyze the reasons for denying the request. Only then return the contact to say no🇧🇷

2. Repeat, repeat

The person may insist that you respond immediately. Stand firm and calmly repeat your rationale: “I really need to check that I don’t have an appointment at the same time.” If necessary, keep repeating. Harriet Braiker calls this the “scratched record” technique.

3. List the consequences

Write two lists. One with what to roll if you say no and another if you say yes. Use experience more and imagination less. Don’t fantasize about what might happen next. Better remember how you felt in similar situations where you said yes.

4. No it’s your fault

You may find someone who doesn’t accept being told no. And it is mainly for these people, says psychologist Odair Comin, that you should say “ene-ao-ti”l. “If someone reacts badly, it’s the person’s problem, who doesn’t know how to deal with frustration.” Don’t be hostage to those who try to convince with piracy.

5. Praise + deny + thank

This is the basic formula for saying no to an invitation as politely as possible. Start by excitedly valuing the proposal, say that (what a pity!) you will not be able to accept it – give some justification – and end by thanking the person for the memory and leaving it for a next time.

6. Pass or pass

Think about it: are you the only person who could do what you were asked? Probably not. Instead of denying it right away, you can delegate the request to someone who would be more interested in carrying it out, more responsible for the issue or, simply, who can break the problem.

7. Make another proposal

You may feel like complying with the request, but not everything that was asked. Tell the person that you will not be able to do what he or she has asked, but say that you would be happy to contribute in another way. Just don’t use this feature when you really want to say a total no.

8. Close the subject

If the person rejects your counterproposal, and claims that, for them, it would only be worth it if you agreed to do everything they asked, Harriet Braiker recommends giving a short and polite response: “Okay”. And period. Don’t amend a litany of justifications!

9. Reflect on the no

Reflect on frequently recurring situations where you would like to move on to saying no. It’s even worth rehearsing the answer in front of the mirror. That way, when you’re in front of her, you’ll feel more prepared to impose your limits.