8 Ways to Regain Your Partner’s Trust When It Seems Like All Is Lost

Ideal relationships, like ideal people, do not exist. According to a survey, 23% of men and 19% of women confessed to cheating on their partner at some point in their relationship. But there are other interesting data. Of couples who go to a psychologist for help after an act of infidelity, nearly 70% remain together. In this post, we’ll tell you how you can work on relationships to regain your partner’s trust.

O awesome.club put together some advice that is most often given to couples who have gone through a problem with infidelity and, despite everything, decided to keep the relationship. This list will be useful for both men and women.

Interestingly, for the person who has been deceived, it is very important to know how it all really happened. When you try to answer questions truthfully, it is possible that, consciously or not, you leave out some details or limit yourself to giving answers without connotations. And at the same time, you’ll think you haven’t lied.

That way, your partner can perhaps sense you are hiding something. Furthermore, some details may come to light over time, which will turn the deceived person’s life into torture. As she gathers all the pieces of the “puzzle” about what happened, she will constantly have in her mind the image of this terrible betrayal, turning her life into hell.

But avoiding talking about what happened isn’t going to be the best solution either. Don’t hide anything and don’t even refuse to talk about it. To overcome this difficult phase, unfortunately it is necessary to go through the worst and feel all the pain, otherwise the restoration of the relationship will be impossible. Don’t try to minimize the suffering of the other, because the best medicine in this case is time.

Trust in a relationship is quite fragile. If you’ve ever been caught in a lie, the best behavior strategy is to tell your loved one the whole truth.

Psychologist Robert Weiss points out that it is possible to regain trust, making honesty and absolute transparency essential in the relationship. And this applies to even the smallest problems. If you plan to go out with a friend to a bar, tell the truth. It is not necessary to invent more “tolerated” places, in which you supposedly will be.

The path will not be easy for those who want to regain the trust of the other. Hearing objections and negative comments will become a daily reality at the beginning of this phase. However, it is a situation that both have to go through.

Therefore, you shouldn’t be defensive, attacking. When you say, “you are not blameless either, you are not an angel”, it is an attempt to justify yourself. This is a normal, psychological defense reaction. But think of the consequences of those words. Your partner’s anger is understandable. Don’t say nasty things in response, especially if your goal is to preserve the relationship, not destroy it.

When the worst “is over”, that is, the confession of infidelity, the most complicated stage approaches. If they decide to stay together, it’s not worth taking on the role of the accused and the prosecutor. This behavior does not strengthen trust, on the contrary: it produces a completely opposite result, weakens it.

The “promoter” will try to avenge his accumulated anger and invent new problems, new missions and tasks for the one he once trusted. The “accused”, on the other hand, will seek forgiveness but will also build up anger as he comes to understand that his attempts to regain the other’s trust appear to be in vain.

The best solution in this case is to remain calm and directly tell your partner that you are willing to redeem yourself and make amends for your mistakes, but constant scolding and references to this will not bring anything good to the relationship.

The decision to stay together after an infidelity was made by both parties and the responsibility rests solely with the two of you. For this reason, it’s never a good idea to involve others in the process of finding relationship solutions, whether it’s friends, family, or worse, your own children.

This applies to both the one who committed the infidelity and the one who decided to find the strength to forgive. Conversations about what happened should only take place between the couple, without interference, judgment or opinions from others. Psychotherapist Joe Kort is convinced that the only person who would be able and able to intervene in this type of conversation would be a family psychologist.

Give your partner access to your completely personal spaces: social media, texting on the phone, calling and the like. If you’ve decided to be honest, in any situation there should be nothing left to hide. Such a step will help calm your partner down and trust you more.

In time, the betrayed person will understand that there is no need for such constant controls. And when trust is restored as a couple, that must cease.

It may seem absurd and even invasive for your partner to have access to your privacy, but it’s an important step to show your goodwill and commitment to restoring the trust that was lost in the process.

The Doctor. Jim Walkup, a marriage counselor in New York, advises patients who come to him with the desire to save and restore a relationship shaken by infidelity, or any other type of betrayal, that they practice symbolic gestures. It could be something that once brought joy to both of them, right when they started dating, for example, and it was a time when they were happy.

Such gestures can be: going to the movies (just like they did when they were dating), taking a walk in the park, going out to romantic dinners and various other activities that can bring joy to the couple. During these programs, both should refrain from making accusations and try their best not to remember what happened. This will help to accumulate more positive memories together.

For those who prefer or need a stronger solution, there are other options: traveling or moving to another city or country, for example. This is also a strong emotional upheaval, which both should see as a starting point and with which the relationship can start again.

Don’t expect forgiveness to come right away. Also, you shouldn’t put pressure on your partner. This is unlikely to help at all. What usually happens in these cases is the appearance of new bouts of negativity. The best you can do is start listening to your partner’s feelings and needs. The pain he is feeling is very strong and he is often not able to simply “turn off” or “forget” about it. This is totally normal.

When deciding to keep the relationship after an infidelity, both of you must be prepared for the fact that nothing will be like before, and at the beginning it will be very difficult. However, statistics showing that 70% of couples stay together after family therapy and a lot of working together are at least encouraging.

Have you ever been in a situation where you had to deal with a betrayal in a relationship? Have you regained trust in your partner? Share your thoughts in the comments.