Family bullying: when the enemies are at home

Family bullying is a form of relational aggression. It is based on constant criticism, humiliation, contempt and manipulation by parents, siblings or other figures towards a specific member. This type of joint dynamic is almost always directed by a perpetrator to whom certain lower-power family members adhere.

While it is true that, when we talk about harassment, we almost instantly visualize a school playground or a work environment, there is another scenario that we often overlook. The family also harasses and tears down, and this psycho-emotional attack can be, at times, as or more harmful than the experiences of bullying school.

Having the enemy at home means not having any refuge or source of support. Growing up as the black sheep or the ugly duckling is traumatic and, generally, these situations are not resolved upon reaching adulthood.

Having one or more bullies with your same genetic code means having to face uncomfortable situations, even though you no longer live in the family unit. Let’s try to make a more detailed x-ray of this reality.

When one or more family members harass us, what they do is feed our insecurities so that we become mentally weak.

Family harassment: what does it consist of?

We often say that the most common way to avoid a stalker is to distance ourselves from that presence. However, as we well know, this is not always possible. The child who is bullied must return to school every day. The worker who suffers bullying You must complete your work day. AND The person who is a victim of family harassment spends many years in an environment from which it is impossible to escape.

What’s more, sometimes these aggressive dynamics are perpetuated even when the victim has already reached adulthood. Because the family “bully or bullies” take a victim and rarely stop reinforcing that abusive and tearing down behavior. The most serious thing is that there is usually an alliance or silence on the part of other members.

This form of domestic violence is not new. Is about a reality with a long tradition that is usually silenced in our society.

Family stalkers: who and what they are

The harassers of this type of family aggression can be the parents themselves and even siblings. Likewise, there is also an experience that is quite common. When a person begins a relationship with someone, they may find themselves in the situation where parents-in-law and brothers-in-law begin a behavior of constant criticism and humiliation.

In general, the family stalker can be characterized by one or several types of very specific traits. They are the following.

He applies verbal behavior, that is, his aggressiveness is based on words.They show emotionally immature behavior.He is deceitful and uses liesto get others to also apply bullying to the victim. He is controlling. He is vindictive. The family bully can also be manipulative.You may act out of jealousy and envy.Arrogance and narcissism can also apply.It may show notable mood swings.He is skilled at misinterpreting everything, clever at distorting what the victim does or says and humiliating him in front of the rest.

How does family bullying manifest itself?

Family bullying can be confusing at first. It is when we are still small and normalize certain dynamics. However, as we grow up, we become aware that the behavior of our father, mother or siblings is not permissible. Because they hurt us, intimidate us and steal what we all have the right to: respect and well-being.

The signs of bullying are very varied, but it is necessary to recognize them as soon as possible:

They humiliate the victim for how they are, what they do and what they say. They turn her into the ugly duckling. They undervalue her. They silence her, they make a void for her, they do not give presence or importance to that person in the family.Behaviors of constant criticism and contempt are applied. They turn the victim into the black sheep. They create chaos, turning every conversation into an argument, assigning blame and making false statements.They apply emotional blackmail and manipulation.They use degrading comparisons (your brother is a better person than you).They use superior behavior, apply harmful jokes and denigrating comments. It is common to accuse the victim of selfishness, that they only take their own interests into account.

The neglect, constant criticism and psycho-emotional isolation that harassing members subject a specific family member to has a devastating impact.

Associated psychological effects

The bully family acts like a territorial animal. Many times the brother, brother-in-law, mother, father-in-law or father who harasses does so motivated by jealousy, by that envy that seeks to expel someone from the family nucleus. Regardless of whether that person is a close relative. As we can deduce, the mental and social impact is immense.

Currently, more studies are appearing on the effect of domestic bullying. We have, for example, work carried out at the Central University of the South. In this research, it became evident how bullying between siblings causes great distress, which can lead to mood disorders.

We also know that the longer this situation lasts, the more impact it has on the person. In fact, it is common for many of these victims to turn to self-destructive behavior, having grown up in a dysfunctional and abusive environment.

How to respond to family bullying

Nobody has the right to cause us any type of damage. It is fully justified to defend ourselves, respond as soon as possible and even report such situations, regardless of whether the harasser is a family member. No figure should instill fear, insecurity, criticize us, ignore us or cancel us out. like people.

Establishing limits, safeguarding our emotions, practicing self-care, seeking valid support figures and putting distance from aggressive family members is key to our well-being. The family should always be a nourishing setting, not a battlefield.

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