8 ways to debunk a lie |

A person usually tells three lies every ten minutes. This is what the study carried out by Robert Feldman, professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts, in the United States, and author of the book “Who is the liar in your life?” says. Research indicates that resorting to untruths is a matter of habit and a way of maintaining good social relationships.

The specialist in electronic security and author of the book “Lie – a face with many faces”, Wanderson Castilho, reinforces the chorus. According to him, it is practically impossible for a human being to live in society without using the tool of lying at some point in life.

“Anyone who says they never lie is lying. There are many reasons why we lie, including when we are moved by shame or pride. In other cases, we are likely to lie to mitigate the impact the truth would have. In other words, we lie to avoid hurting people we care about, or to avoid embarrassing situations”, explains the professional, who was the first Brazilian certified by the Behavior Analysis Training Institute (BATI), in San Diego , USA.

types of lie

In his book, Wanderson Castilho states that in romantic relationships, people lie more when there is excessive concern and mistrust on the part of the other. For him, insecurity generates discomfort and difficulty in revealing the truth. The work also points out that flirting and attraction to other people, contacts and friendships, level of commitment, sexual fantasies, betrayal, sexual satisfaction and appearance are also subjects that the couple usually hide from their partner.

In the work environment, the expert points out that the most common lies are related to delays, work not done or exaggerated skills.

There are those who believe that some lies are necessary to maintain social interaction. In some cases, resorting to dissimulation can be considered a sign of education, since often the naked truth tends to be interpreted as rudeness.“I conducted about two hundred interviews with different types of people, and from there I established profiles and typical behaviors of liars. The conclusion was that men and women lie at the same rate. While women tend to lie by referring to accidents or sad events in their lives, men tend to boast. Many increase or invent professional, personal and sexual feats”, evaluates the specialist.

In some cases, resorting to dissimulation can be considered a sign of education, since often the naked truth tends to be interpreted as rudeness.

For Wanderson, the lie is, for the human mind, a great weapon of social preservation. “From a psychological point of view, lying is an instinctive act of preservation, just as pain or fever are from a physiological point of view. Without it, society would collapse. Imagine a husband who has many friends and regularly makes the decisions about how to use his free time. If the woman does not want to accompany him, she can resort to any excuse, such as working late, to get out of the commitment, without hurting the one she loves”, she exemplifies.

Lying is learned in childhood

Concealment techniques are usually learned by children at an early age. An example is when parents scold the frustration shown by the child when receiving a gift that he did not like. Those responsible usually force the little one to say thank you when they notice some disappointment in the child. And this can be considered a way to encourage social lying.

“Nothing justifies a lie, whatever its intention. And children need to be taught to always tell the truth. This learning happens progressively throughout childhood and parents are the main teachers. Children mirror themselves much more in their attitudes than in their words. Parents who always tell the truth, who take responsibility for what they do and say, raise responsible and ethical children. You only teach what you are”, advises Wanderson.

recognize a lie

According to the specialist in electronic security, few people are prepared to identify a liar on a daily basis. It takes training and practice to improve the ability to “read” the signs of lying. The professional teaches that to recognize a dissimulation of the truth it is necessary to understand the person’s standard behavior, pay attention to what he says, the small movements of the face (micro facial expressions), the body and variations in the tone of the voice.

“Our brain does not accept denial. When a person lies, they are denying the truth, and some part of their facial or body expression will give it away. Aspects such as frequency of eye blinking, use of the eyebrows to emphasize some part of the conversation, position of the hands and legs, stiffness of the shoulder, and appearance of the forehead and mouth are some examples of attitudes that can betray a lie”, teaches the expert.

To help you identify a liar, Wanderson Castilho has listed 8 simple observation tips below. Check out:

Lips: biting or licking your lips can be a strong indication of a lie.
Voice: who lies has the vocal chords more stretched than normal, leaving the voice thinner and weaker. To compensate, the person tries to speak louder.
To look: the liar looks away while telling his lie and then starts to look closely, wanting to see if he managed to deceive.
Dryness: due to an adrenaline reaction, the liar has a dry throat and mouth, and it is common to choke or swallow dry.
Partially cover the mouth: translates a desire to muzzle oneself. It tends to be a quick gesture, because it expresses a conflict: a part of the liar does not want to remain silent – ​​but to continue with his lie.
Touch the nose: in moments of tension, the sensitivity of the nasal mucosa increases. Thus, when lying, the nose itches, although it may be such a mild sensation that it is barely noticeable.
Shoulder: Slightly lift one shoulder.
Fake facial expression: when we are genuine, we use the right facial muscles to express an emotion. In a moderate, fake smile, crow’s feet don’t show, cheeks aren’t lifted, and eyes are less squinted. In a real smile, more muscles are used and the upper eyelid folds down slightly over the eyes.

If you still can’t identify a lie, try the opposite: encourage the interlocutor to speak the truth. The tip is to establish closeness in the conversation. According to Wanderson, the closer you are physically, the more difficult the person will have to lie.