7 Tricks to Never Have to Yell at Your Child Again

Being a parent isn’t easy, and getting angry when your kids misbehave is completely natural. But if parents express their emotions through shouting and slapping, it can have serious consequences for the child’s personality development and mental health. A study carried out with 976 families showed that the Parental screams can cause negative changes in brain structure, which can lead to depression and antisocial behavior in adolescence🇧🇷 And while some believe that without these corrections the child will not obey his parents and will try to dominate them, there is a way to transform family relationships in such a way that it is no longer necessary to raise his voice.

Here in the awesome.club we believe it is never too late to become the best version of ourselves as parents. These simple steps can help moms and dads learn how to communicate calmly and constructively with their children in any situation.

We all know yelling is wrong, but it’s often hard to avoid. For example, when children are late for school and don’t want to put their clothes on, we get irritated and immediately pick up the little one and, without hiding our anger, we start dressing them irritably. Situations that cause us to overreact are considered triggers.

The doctor and author of the popular book Anger Kills (Anger kills), Redford Williams, suggests that we remember and record the moments that make us angry so that we can prepare in advance or learn to avoid them. For example, it is possible to put the child to bed half an hour earlier and, in the morning, organize a competition to see who will get dressed the fastest.

It is impossible to avoid all situations in which we overreact. But if we know in advance what usually makes us angry, it is possible to avoid such crises. The author of the blog “Woman from Mars”, the former vice president of the company 20th Century Fox, Olga Nechaeva, talked about a technique that helps her deal with emotions.

Imagine this situation: you are terribly tired after work, it is difficult to put your child to sleep, you leave the room on tiptoe and already anticipate some moments of your own, when, suddenly, you hear that demanding cry: “Mommy! ”. Exactly at that moment, when anger takes over your body, it is important to understand your reaction. Do you clench your fists or your teeth? Out of breath? Do resentment and feelings of helplessness invade your body? To improve, it is necessary to remember how this explosion of emotions feels, and “assign a task” to the brain, so that next time it warns that the attack is about to begin.

Says Olga: “The next time I hear ‘Mommy!’, I’ll realize that the first thought that comes to my mind is, ‘Now I’m going to go crazy’. That’s how the warning works. And that gives us a window of responsibility, a second to breathe and to be able to choose between acting like before, after this trigger, or facing it differently.” For example, if the child is old enough, it is worth trying to explain to him that you want and need to rest and that if he needs something, he can get it himself. This is a good way to avoid tantrums.

When we clearly understand what our trigger is, the power it would have over us weakens. At this point, we can find our own way to calm down: go to another room, count to 10, take a deep breath, or say a word that makes us stop or change focus. In the movieShock treatment, the word chosen was “gusfraba”. The characters had to say this by singing during an outburst of rage. You can also come up with your own keyword (or even a phrase, if that’s the case).

You need to be mindful of any emotion you experience, even if it’s anger or irritation. It is important not to repress your own feelings, but to learn to express them constructively. Instead of raising your voice, try to release that “pressure” in other ways.

1. Use messages that show the “I”. For example, instead of saying “you did something wrong”, say “I was upset by your behavior”. This will allow you to express negative feelings without offending the child.

two. Try to turn things into a joke. For example, you might choose to “grow” fiercely, sing a dramatic opera, exclaim that your patience has run out, and play a wild animal.
toy to solve the situation, transforming a difficult situation into a fun game, something light.

If you can’t avoid a “bad” reaction, apologize. After a fight, when everyone’s tempers have calmed down, discuss your motives and describe how you felt. When there is a lot of trust in family relationships, the person tends to scream less often.

If you can’t contain yourself, do a little experiment. Try not to scream just for one day (it’s better to use a day on the weekend for this) and ask the child to do the same. And whatever happens, try to resolve the issue without raising your voice. It is possible to try to institute a “no shouting day” (or whatever you want to call it) once a week. One idea is to use the ways to solve the things you came up with during this “truce” period on the other days.

in your book Don’t Yell at Children! How to Resolve Conflicts with Children and Make Them Listen to You?, in free translation, psychologist Daniele Novara advises parents to establish clear rules in the family. In this way, many reasons that generate conflicts will disappear on their own. He doesn’t confuse the rules with orders like “sit and eat!”, or “don’t be late!”. When we give an order, we always run the risk of facing disobedience. Establish clear rules that everyone must follow systematically: what time should the child go to bed, how should he behave at the table, how long should he spend in front of the computer, etc. This will help you understand how to behave and, within that context, act independently.

Suppose the child got a bad grade in school or dropped a glass of juice. Nothing out of the ordinary, but it irritates you. Think about what exactly causes this reaction. Psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya argues that the real reason could be parents’ emotional exhaustion, guilt or even fear of condemnation from others. Whatever the reason for your anger, try to find it out, alone or even with the help of a psychologist. Anger often replaces deeper experiences, and perhaps by taking care of your state of mind, you will make life easier for both you and your children.

How do you act when your kids make you angry? Comment so people can see they’re not alone!