7 myths about chemistry between people

The chemistry between people is experienced as a magical cocktail of emotional, cognitive and even neurological content.. Oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin act as the socio-emotional glue that connects new friends and potential partners. Suddenly, we meet someone and the understanding is absolute, the affinity exciting and the illusions bubbling.

However, it is possible to be disappointed in this matter. Sometimes, who we thought was “our soul mate” turns out not to be so and, almost without knowing how, we go from coincidences to friction. The truth is that the topic of interpersonal chemistry shows some pertinent nuances that need to be clarified; Although this does not mean that this reality does not occur in many cases.

What is interpersonal chemistry?

Interpersonal chemistry exists, it is real and it defines the intense emotional connection that two people make when they meet.. This neurophysiological experience can be the basis of a relationship and also of a good friendship. These are situations that we often define as that “spark”; Almost like alchemy, they build a sensation in which everything resonates with us and is meaningful.

As a curiosity, it should be noted that it was Johann Wolfgang von Goethe who addressed this topic in a more or less scientific way in his book Elective Affinities (1809). Although the subject always arouses great interest among the population, from a psychological point of view it is a somewhat neglected field in terms of studies.

It was in 2022 when research published in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science provided more solid foundations for understanding this fabric that makes up interpersonal chemistry. Below, we detail them.

Characteristics of relational chemistry

The authors of the previous work (Reis, Regan and Lyubomirsky) highlight that interpersonal chemistry is experienced as the sum of many sensations. It is what you see, what you do and what you feel. It is a subtle, but intense combination where the emotional, the attitudinal and the behavioral become rewarding and representative.

There is a genuine willingness to know deep aspects of the other. Interests come together, as do vital values ​​and perspectives. Those who make up the relationship experience that bond as something “very special.” Moments of connection must accumulate so that the chemistry is lasting. .This experience requires coordination. That is, people combine the same goals, efforts and mutual support. Interpersonal chemistry is built not only with conversations; There is a synchronicity in looks, gestures and movements.To be authentic, chemistry needs presence. A relationship on-linein which people do not yet see each other, does not project an authentic connection.Trust is the perception that appears first in this type of links. Almost immediately one experiences that the other person is someone with whom one can open up emotionally without being betrayed. It is important to note that authentic chemistry demands various interactions and shared moments, to make it meaningful and lasting. The first meeting is not predictive of whether a relationship will work. Work such as that carried out at the University of California highlights that, at least in the chemistry of friendship, personality factors are important. The most open, conscientious and pleasant-natured individuals are the ones who experience this sensation the most.

Myths of chemistry between people

Interpersonal chemistry integrates multiple psychological, social and even neurological dimensions. In this process, mirror neurons come into action, including that chemical explosion of neurotransmitters such as oxytocin or serotonin. Now, if there is something that human beings need, it is to strengthen quality relationships and, sometimes, this topic harbors myths.

Building healthy relationships impacts physical and psychological health, as indicated in a work published in The American Psychologist. Therefore, it is relevant to highlight some false beliefs associated with this chemistry. Only in this way can mistakes and disappointments be avoided. Next, detail what these beliefs are.

1. The chemistry between two people is immediate

It is common that, when meeting someone new, as soon as possible we send a message to a friend to say: “I have met someone and our chemistry is incredible!”. But as previously stated, chemistry is not always immediate or predictive of a dream relationship.

Experiencing affinity with someone is possible, although True connection requires time, as well as several shared moments and experiences.

What’s more, interpersonal chemistry can evolve over time between two people. Maturity, experiences and challenges also influence the construction of these socio-affective bonds.

2. First impressions never fail

How many times do we get carried away by a first impression and make a complete mistake? The chemistry between people often starts from those impressions that result in a first meeting. One assumes that one’s perception never fails and that this feeling of absolute connection is authentic. But beware.

Crushes at first sight in love or magical attunements in the first meeting in friendship may bring disappointments; Emotional and cognitive biases also cause bad tricks.

3. Interpersonal chemistry rarely happens.

Interpersonal chemistry is not magic or a one-time mystical experience. We are social beings who bond and, therefore, these types of relationships occur frequently.. Likewise, personalities with more social and emotional openness will experience them to a greater degree.

4. The connection and affinity with someone is constant

A relationship or friendship is not a journey of harmony and absolute perfection. Having chemistry with someone doesn’t mean there will never be disagreements or differences.. What’s more, if there is something repetitive in the world of human relationships, it is conflicts, notes a work carried out at the Dalian University of Technology. The key is knowing how to handle these situations.

5. Chemistry always starts from physical attraction and sexuality

Absolutely. Among the most common myths related to personal chemistry, the idea that this experience is basically sexual persists. Many assume that this attunement and affinity is based on mechanisms of physical attraction, but it is not true.

Friendship is also built from those psychobiological algorithms in which trust, correspondence and the conjunction of tastes and values ​​build good interpersonal chemistry.

6. It is reciprocal, both people feel it at the same time

This idea is not true either. Sometimes chemistry is one-way and only one party experiences it.. This is seen, above all, among those who usually have dates through the classic applications for these purposes.

After that first meeting, many return home thinking that the harmony is absolute. However, the other person does not connect again and disappears using the classic ghosting. Sad, but recurring.

7. Interpersonal chemistry is enough to overcome all problems

We would love for chemistry to be stainless, a formula capable of guaranteeing that, together, we will face any challenge, large or small. But Nothing ensures that this friendship or relationship is the ideal one to address any problem that arises in the short and long term.

Healthy bonds require many variables to work. And no, simple chemistry is not enough; Good communication, respect, reciprocity, mutual care, etc. are needed.

Chemistry between people is promoted

Finally, few areas are more fascinating than the field of human bonding and the construction of those bonds that offer us so much happiness. Chemistry between people is real, but it must also be promoted.

An open attitude and being able to trust others will allow you to have many experiences of this type. It’s worth a try.

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