Microinfidelities are dangerous, despite their subtlety

Infidelity in relationships is an event that is serious enough to break the bond. In this sense, psychologist Melanie Schilling warns that There are cases in which infidelity is disguised as innocent acts and calls them “microinfidelities.” Despite their subtlety, the expert warns that they can damage the stability of a relationship.

For that reason, we will give you useful information about them so that you can learn to identify them. Of course, before starting, the first idea we want to give you is that through open and clear communication it is possible to avoid situations like this that could cause pain and the end of the relationship.

The use of new technologies has been identified as one of the main factors that lead to microinfidelity.

What are microinfidelities?

Infidelity could be understood as the breaking of a commitment. For example, the fact that a person maintained a sexual relationship with a person who was not their partner when their contract, whether implicit or explicit, does not allow it would constitute infidelity. This way, In the idea of ​​infidelity there is a certain relativity that ends precisely in that agreement with which each couple commits..

Unlike the previous example, there are relationships in which its members admit sexual relations with third parties. But, it is not acceptable to form any type of emotional bond with another person. So, What is meant by infidelity will depend on the agreements established by a couple. throughout their relationship.

Generally, two types of infidelities are distinguished: sexual and emotional. However, some authors consider that both forms do not have to exclude each other. Therefore, they consider that infidelity exists on a spectrum in which there are different ways of being unfaithful depending on certain factors (Blow and Hartnett, 2005).

Starting from this basis, psychologist Melanie Schilling develops the concept of microinfidelities to catalog certain behaviors. According to the specialist, they occur when a person in a relationship commits acts to focus physically or emotionally on another. They are characterized by being subtle actions that may even be unconscious, but can still damage the relationship.

Types of microinfidelities

Just as there are different types of infidelity, the same happens with these more subtle, less obvious acts. This form of disloyalty is characterized by concealment and concealment from the partner.. Some examples:

Have frequent contact with a person with whom you do not have a friendship and for whom you feel attracted. Be aware of the lives of former partners. Maintain conversations with others in a sexual tone. Do not mention the fact that you are in a relationship. intentionally. Save phone numbers under different names so that the other person does not become suspicious. Give little importance to the current relationship. Talk disparagingly about the partner in conversations with the other person.

As you can see, these are small acts that, although they do not consummate a real sexual act or emotional connection, denote attraction or interest. Therefore, microinfidelities can increase attraction towards each other and lead to sexual or emotional infidelity.

In this sense, It is important for the person to reflect on the meaning that their actions have with the other person.. If your interest is to take the situation further, it may be best to rethink the current state of your relationship. This way, you could analyze whether it is an attraction that arose because of problems or if you really want to have something more.

Microinfidelities are small acts towards other people for whom you feel a certain attraction and which are hidden from your partner.

How to handle this situation in a relationship?

As mentioned before, if someone is engaging in these behaviors in their relationship, it is essential that they meditate on it. If it is a problem that is associated with tensions that exist in the relationship, perhaps it is best to talk about it.

If it is identified as a real attraction, perhaps the ideal thing to do is to step away for a while and think about what you want. In either of these two situations, open communication is the healthiest path.

The same applies in the event that the couple is discovered to be committing any of these microinfidelities. The goal of the conversation should not be to accuse and point out, but rather to express how you feel about the discovery. It is also essential to maintain a calm and receptive attitude so that the other can express themselves honestly.

On the other hand, one of the keys to avoiding these types of problems is to establish clear agreements and limits in the relationship. With the emergence of new technologies and interaction possibilities, the lines between fidelity and infidelity are increasingly blurred. Instead of assuming that the other person will know that something hurts us, it is better to make it clear from the beginning what our limits are.. Likewise, we must listen to each other’s limits and establish relationship agreements based on that.

Finally, it is also possible to consider couples therapy to address microinfidelities in your relationship. With the help of a professional, you can evaluate the problems that exist in the bond and how to strengthen it.

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