7 famous phrases by Erik Erikson

Erik Erikson worked as a teacher. However, after meeting Anna Freud he began his studies at the Vienna Analytical Institute, specializing in child psychoanalysis. One of her great works was the theory of psychosocial development which was based on Sigmund Freud’s stages of psychosexual development. For this reason, he is also known as the “Freudian psychologist.” Although in this article we will not delve into this, we will discover some phrases by Erik Erikson that deserve to be known.

The studies carried out by Erik Erikson were of great relevanceFurthermore, the phrases he left us are a reflection of his passion for his work as a teacher and child psychoanalyst as well as the way he thought. Next, we are going to look at some and reflect on them.

1. Fears that are inherited

“Healthy children will not fear life if their elders have enough integrity not to fear death.”

This first of Erik Erikson’s famous phrases refers to a very important aspect: fears. Just as the educational model that parents choose will have a positive or negative impact on their children, the same happens with those fears that they may have and that, inevitably, the little ones will perceive.

That is why it is so important face one’s own fears instead of “trying to cover them” and, what is worse, inoculate them in their own children, who will assume them as their own when their capacity to manage them is much lower than ours as adults.

2. Accept our victories and our defeats

“The child becomes an adult not when he realizes that he has the right to be right, but when he realizes that he has the right to be wrong too.”

This phrase reflects a great teaching that Erik Erikson tries to convey to us: knowing how to lose and knowing how to win. As we grow, we realize how, When we succeed, people around us praise us, but when we fail, some turn their backs on us. or, they even tell us that “I told you so.”

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This happens to many children when they are not able to pass a subject without help, for example, or when they are not good at the sport preferred by one of their parents. Judging ourselves in a kind way and with a point of kindness is one of the skills that makes us more stable adults..

3. The responsibility of parents

“It takes a long time to educate our children to be good; you have to raise them, and that means doing things with them: asking, telling, probing, experimenting through experience, through your own words, through your way of putting them together. You have to learn where you stand and make sure that your children learn from you, understand why, and soon, they will be standing next to you, with you.”

The third of Erik Erikson’s phrases addresses a fundamental issue in parenting: the responsibility that parents have when educating their children. Education requires attention, being there, playing and having experiences with them.

If we are absent parents, our children will not learn from us and we will not be able to demand anything from them. If we do not do things with them and live experiences, they will not internalize what we expect. Words are of no use if they are not accompanied by actions. Children need their parents as present figures.

4. Everything ends up changing

“When you continue your development, your behavior is affected.”

We never stop growing, because every stage of life is a challenge. In many cases, without having finished enjoying childhood, adolescence suddenly arrives to force us to change. This is reflected in our way of behaving and, also, in how we build our “I”, who we really are.

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Although we are afraid of changes, in reality they are allowing us to grow. Furthermore, we can do nothing about them, since experiences mark us and we change because of them. All this enriches us.

5. Destructive empty praise

“Children cannot be fooled by empty praise and condescending encouragement. They may have to accept artificially bolstering their self-esteem in lieu of something better, but what I call their growing egoistic identity gains true strength only from the sincere and consistent recognition of real achievement, that is, achievement that has meaning in their culture. ”.

This fifth of Erik Erikson’s famous phrases talks about empty praise. Those “very good” that are said in almost any circumstance and that, due to their frequency, end up losing all their value. The problem with this type of praise is that children will do anything to get it, minimizing the true motivation: doing things well.

This can cause great frustration when those praises, easy to obtain within the family nucleus, are not so present at work, with friends or at school. It’s okay to praise, but according to Erik Erikson this should be done in moderation.

6. The freedom of young people

“Teenagers need freedom to choose, but not so much freedom that, in the end, they cannot choose.”

This phrase from Erik Erikson is very revealing. Well, although it is true that limits and certain prohibitions are necessaryit is also necessary that the youngest have the freedom to choose.

Erik Erikson is talking about a balance between limits and freedom. Well, everything in excess is negative and too much freedom can make teenagers not know what it means to choose, something that is vital.

7. The sense of identity

“In the social jungle of human existence, there is no sense of being alive without a sense of identity.”

In this one of Erik Erikson’s last sentences, the identity that is built since we are little. Insecurity, in this sense, shapes that feeling of being lost that we have all experienced at some point. For example, according to psychologist Miguel Molla, young people with deep doubts about their identity are more vulnerable or prone to falling into an addiction.

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Erik Erikson continued writing and researching even after his retirement. The passion she felt for what she did reached that point, something that is reflected in each of the phrases that we have collected. All of them teach us something that, perhaps, we did not know/forgot. Which of Erik Erikson’s phrases would you choose?